


Unanswered prayers

by Nuredhel



Category: The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Akallabêth/Last Alliance, Drama, F/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Relationship(s), Romance, Tragic Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-18
Updated: 2015-04-18
Packaged: 2018-03-23 12:36:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 85,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3768851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nuredhel/pseuds/Nuredhel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thranduil of Greenwood is on the verge of getting trapped within an arranged marriage, then an opportunity to Escape presents itself and he also has the opportunity to do a good deed. It becomes the start of a very unusual relationship but unfortunately war is brewing and caught within its darkness he will become a person he otherwise would loathe. Angst/Drama/Romance. Thranduil/OC/Oropher.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A wolf among sheep

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the HASA Transition Team: This story was originally archived at [HASA](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Henneth_Ann%C3%BBn_Story_Archive), which closed in February 2015. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in February 2015. We posted announcements about the move, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this author, please contact The HASA Transition Team using the e-mail address on the [HASA collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/hasa/profile).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Someone** once said that the greatest gifts of all are those prayers that go unanswered, those we think are just wasted. If we got whatever we wanted things would go very wrong indeed because nobody is able to see the ultimate consequence of every wish. But there are also those moments when the prayers that go unanswered become like a festering wound within one's mind, never letting your soul rest. So, sometimes they are a good thing, sometimes not. In the end, does anyone really know what destiny has in store for each and every one of us?

This story is a little about those consequences of wishes and prayers, of those which are answered and those which go unnoticed by the deities. What seems like a good thing may turn into a real nightmare and something bad can also turn into something good if it is given time. I think this story may not become a long one but I am not sure, it dropped into my head and in the beginning it was very different, more light hearted and romantic. Now, after a few turns through my mind it has turned into something a bit dark and angsty and it will touch some dark themes on the way. It is about a relationship that doesn't exactly start off very well, some bad choices that may have been or may haven't been so bad after all, there is mystery, evil and darkness and maybe some smut in the later chapters, and it will not be a very happy tale, I am afraid that this is going to show some rather dark and unpleasant sides of the characters. But, nonetheless, I hope you'll enjoy it and reviews are as always very appreciated.

Later chapters are adult/mature/R in nature due to violence, rape and dark angst.

Prologue:

 

She felt trapped, no other expression could describe her situation. She sat in the beautiful room which was filled with flowers and stared at her own reflection as the maids were finishing her hair. They were giggling and chatting cheerfully but she wasn't able to partake in their jolly musings. She saw her own face, it was pale and her eyes looked bigger than they really were, yes she did look like some trapped animal, with the hunters approaching it. It was her wedding day and it should have been the happiest day of her life but she felt as though she was heading for her own execution rather than a wedding. Why had she agreed on this? She turned her head around, the doors were open out towards the balcony and she knew the distance from it to the stone covered yard was more than long enough to kill even an elf. She almost felt tempted, but she couldn't. Why was she so bound by duty and gratitude? So submissive? She didn't want to disappoint her parents, that was one part of the whole mess and then she knew she was in debt to him. She could not deny it, he had saved her from a fate to horrible for her to imagine and she could just cling on to the words her mother had said earlier that day and hope that they were the truth. "This is a great opportunity child, you'll be so much more than before, have so much more influence and power. It is a good thing, not something bad. He would have wanted you to become happy once more, to have a second chance at love."

She wanted to believe this but wasn't sure if she could, after all, she knew the kind of reputation he had and she knew that he had pushed this through just to solve a problem, and maybe even to pay off some sort of emotional dept.

 That was all she was to him, a quick and simple solution, nothing more. He anticipated a wife who would do his bidding, provide him with a nice façade towards the other realms and make him appear as a perfect prince, obedient towards his father and his duty. She swallowed hard, closed her eyes. "Don't you cry, don't you dare crying!"

Her own voice was shivering inside of her mind, indeed she was trapped. And in a short time she would become even more trapped than before, she would be his wife and there would be no way back, not until the end of the world. The maids were finished with her braid and one placed an exquisite necklace made from mithril and pearls around her neck. It was beautiful and costly but she didn't even notice that it was there. Her own eyes were staring at her from the reflection and they were huge and even darker than before. She wasn't aware of it but she was sitting in the very same room where the events leading up to this situation had occurred a little more than a year ago. She almost jumped out of her seat when the door opened and one of the kings servants entered with a smile. "Ladies, it is time"

**Chapter one: A wolf among sheep**

He had been busy when the servant approached him, he didn't know the ellon and felt a bit annoyed, he was in the middle of a history lesson and didn't like being disturbed. The servant bowed and he could see that the ellon was a bit worried, there was something dark within his hazel glance and he immediately suspected the worse. "My lord, your father requires that you come to his office, right now!"

Thranduil sighed and smiled at his teacher, a scholar who had followed Oropher from Lindon and was very loyal to his house. "I guess that means that we have to finish this later."

The scholar just bowed his head and smiled pleasantly but Thranduil could see that he didn't like the intrusion more than the prince had. The servant had already left so Thranduil didn't get the chance to ask him what this was about, he sighed and straightened himself up, it could be a million things really. Oropher was demanding and he expected his son to behave as a prince was supposed to behave and be an example to follow for everybody else. Thranduil tried, he really did and Oropher was also understanding and not at all a harsh father but sometimes it was so darn hard to be a royal person. Everybody was judging him, or at least it felt that way. He had to think about everything he said and did before he even opened his mouth. It felt unnatural and the only time when he truly felt free was when he was out in the woods with his friends and could forget about his title and just be himself.

He walked towards Oropher's study, curious but also a bit worried. Oropher didn't usually ask him to show up like this, while in the middle of his lessons, it had to be something important. He knew that his father was anticipating him so he didn't bother to knock, he just walked right in and saw that Oropher was sitting behind his desk with a glass of wine in his hand and a stack of papers in front of him. He looked tired. So, this was probably some matter of state? Would he perhaps give Thranduil yet another duty from which there were no escape? He felt that he sometimes became utterly confused by all the things he already had to do. "Father, you asked for my presence?"

Oropher nodded and his smile was a bit stiff, he was normally a rather cheerful person known for his gentle personality and strange sense of humor. Some of the golodhrim would perhaps claim that Oropher was more than a little mad in some ways but he chose to follow his own path and do things his own way and Thranduil admired his father's strength. "Thranduil, I spoke with the father of a certain elleth today, he was not pleased to say the least. Does the name Mariel ring a bell?"

Thranduil felt his ears burn and he went pale. "Yes, but I swear, nothing happened that wasn't completely innocent, I didn't touch her ada!"

Oropher sighed, he got up and poured another glass of wine. Thranduil did notice that the decanter was almost empty, his father had to have been drinking rather heavily this day. Oropher took a deep breath and made a grimace. "I believe you Thran, I know that you wouldn't in any way compromise an elleth's honor. But this isn't the first time something like this has happened and you know this."

He felt himself blush, stared down at the floorboards and felt that the whole situation had become very awkward and uncomfortable. Oropher sighed again. "You are a prince Thran, not a commoner. If I wasn't the king of this realm nobody would have given a damn if you went from one elleth to the next like some butterfly crossing a meadow of flowers. Heck, most ellyn act that way at a certain age, it is normal. "

Thranduil didn't know what to say, his father was right, he had been seen way too often with different ellith but nothing serious had happened. He was always the perfect gentleelf and although he had lost his virginity he only had been with someone twice. He hoped that his father didn't know about that too. Oropher stared straight at him, the deep blue eyes were calm but there was something almost ominous within them. "I will tell you one thing Ion nin, something you may not be aware of. If someone else than you had been seen in the garden with Mariel, do you think that her father would have complained?"

Thranduil didn't really know what to say, he felt confused. "Ah, I don't know?"

Oropher rolled his eyes. "Wrong answer son, he wouldn't have raised an eyebrow! He would probably let her do whatever she pleased and cared naught about the identity of that ellon. There is one thing you need to know and that is that as a prince you are sought after, not only by the ellith themselves but by their families. You are a possible source of power son, an easy path to influence. You must have noticed how popular you are? How eager the ellith are? Do you think they would be so forward and daring towards some other young ellon? It isn't just your good looks they are after Thran, it is the title of princess they seek, not only a chance to get into your bed."

Thranduil swallowed, Oropher was right, some of the ellith were a bit too bold, made suggestions that were almost indecent and they had shocked him but he had believed that it was because the inhabitants of the great Greenwood were a bit different than the Sindar when it came to culture and traditions. To hear Oropher explain this to him actually hurt his pride and not just a little. He had thought that it was he they were after, not his title. Oropher saw the expression within his eyes and his face turned sad, almost apologetic. "I am sorry son, but it is a fact. You cannot allow this to happen again, first of all it ruins your reputation and second of all, someone may use it as Mariel's father attempted to do today. It is best for you to get married and that as soon as possible."

Thranduil just stared at his father, mouth agape and horror within his eyes. "I…I can't just marry someone?! I don't want to!"

Oropher put down his glass and his eyes turned cold again. "Thranduil, listen to me. This is serious. If we had been fortunate enough to live in a time of peace I wouldn't have cared this much, I would have let you take your time but you have to understand my concern. War is brewing and if the worst thing happens and you must take my place then you will need a wife by your side and more than that, you will need an heir. The people need to see that the house they have chosen as their leaders is strong, that the family line is unbroken."

Thranduil just whimpered, this was absolutely not what he had imagined that this conversation would be about. He swallowed hard. "But Ada, please, I am not ready to get married? I am too young!"

Oropher just shook his head. "Nonsense, most are already married at your age. If we have to lead our people into battle then I need to know that the line of succession is secured. Someone has to rule this realm in my absence and the people will feel more secure knowing that there always will be someone in charge."

Thranduil had to grasp onto the back of a chair, he felt like he had to sit down but he could not, not while his father was standing. "I…I don't know of any ellith I would want to marry, I don't really know anyone that well and shouldn't marriage be about love? About finding your one?"

Oropher sighed and his eyes got a bit softer. "Yes, it should. Unfortunately we are royal son, and we do not have that privilege. Our realm needs hope and joy and something which takes their minds away from the growing darkness. A royal wedding could be just what they need."

Thranduil almost whimpered again, he felt as if the ground underneath his feet was giving in, he was almost panting. "Ada, I can't. I really can't!"

Oropher sent him a somewhat wry grin. "Really? The rumors state that you indeed are capable of quite a performance between the sheets. I would be disappointed otherwise, we have to excel, also in such matters. But this is no joke Thran, you do need a wife. I am willing to give you one year from today"

Thranduil frowned. "One year? For what?"

Oropher smiled. "To find an elleth you think you can live with. If you haven't found someone by the end of the year I will chose an elleth of noble birth, there are lot of families of high social status with daughters ready for marriage, most of them are from Lindon and Imladris but they can adjust to our realm and its ways easily."

Thranduil bit his lower lip. "Please ada, say you meant an ennin?(long year=144 years)"

Oropher shook his head. "No, one year, twelve months, 365 days. I suggest you start looking soon, I am counting on you son, and don't make the wrong choice!"

Thranduil just stood there, staring at his father and he didn't really know what to think or feel. He had to get married? His life was indeed over!

Oropher shook his hand, almost indifferently. "You are dismissed, you may leave. And I do not want to hear of any more incidents with ellith of the…eager…type!"

Thranduil just managed to make a squeaking noise. "Yes ada"

He turned around, rushed out of the door and ran towards his private rooms, he felt almost betrayed by his own father, it hurt more than any scolding or harsh words ever could. How could Oropher do this to him? How could he put this realm in front of his own son's happiness? Didn't his own flesh and blood matter? Was he some pawn, some marionette? He had to stop and close his eyes, one of his teachers had once said that everybody were a part of this huge game of chess that the gods were playing and those in power were the pieces used to control it. He was just a chess piece, something that could be manipulated and moved as his father wanted, to achieve whatever it was that he was after. Thranduil closed his doors, ran over to the bed and threw himself down upon it. He hadn't cried since he was a child but now he felt like crying again, he had suddenly realized how little freedom he really had, and it was all because of his father's title and power. He just lay there shivering in emotional turmoil and after a few hours he slowly drifted off into an uneasy sleep.

He woke up with a start, someone was standing at the side of his bed pulling at his robe and he grunted and lifted his head slowly. It felt as though it was filled with wool and his mouth was dry. The person standing by his bed was Teren, one of his best friends. Teren was the son of one of Oropher's counsellors and he was well known for his rather untraditional approach to rules and etiquette. Thranduil could no longer count how many times Teren's weird little pranks had turned into major disasters but somehow he always came out of it all unhurt. Teren was so darn charming nobody was able to remain angry at him for more than a few minutes at the most and he knew exactly how to use that charm of his to his ultimate benefit. "Wake up, have you grown lazy?"

Thranduil yawned and felt stiff, he had fallen asleep with his clothes on and he felt cold and a bit confused, then he remembered and his mood plummeted. He groaned. "No Teren, I am not lazy, I am doomed!"

Teren frowned, his pretty face and very youthful appearance fooled many into believing that he was nowhere near reaching maturity but in fact he was a grown ellon and a very capable fighter too. "What? What is it this time, do your father want you to do an inventory of the treasury again?"

Thranduil had gotten that not very enviable task once before, and it had been so boring he almost went insane from it, it didn't get any better when Mornar, the chief of the treasury thought that he had done a miscalculation and then he had to do the whole damned thing all over again. He had been ready to murder that stiff old dusty Doriathrin nag.

Thranduil sat up, he hoped that Teren didn't see how close he had been to tears. "Worse Teren, this time I am in real trouble I fear."

Teren looked a bit nervous. "Oh crap Thran, don't tell me you have sown some wild oats?"

Thranduil hid his face in his hands, he knew he looked like an utter mess with his hair in tangles and his robes wrinkled and dirty. "No, how can you believe that about me? You know that I never go all the way with those ellith."

Teren sighed. "Well yeah, you flirt like crazy but that's it, so what's the matter then?"

Thranduil tried to gather himself, tried to look calm but he couldn't, it still hurt too much. "My father has given me one year to find a suitable wife, if I fail he will find one for me!"

Teren almost laughed but his eyes were shocked. "Damn Thran, you getting married? That will be the day the ice of the north melts."

The prince just moaned. "Then prepare for a giant flood, for there is no way out of this. My father has made up his mind and I can't make him change it. I am done for!"

Teren sat down next to him and there was compassion within his gaze but also a hint of mirth, he wouldn't be himself if he didn't see the funny side of this too. "Thran, it doesn't have to be that bad, if you find a really nice one I am sure you could be perfectly happy."

Thranduil just shrugged. "Yeah, happy! With yet another person keeping an eye on me and making demands. Oh Valar, sometimes I wish I was just an ordinary soldier or a farrier or something like that."

Teren cocked his head. "Ah come on Thran, try to look at it from a positive perspective. At least you will have someone warming your bed every night and once you are married your father will stop watching over you as if you were a toddler still. I am sure you will find the perfect elleth before long."

Thranduil got on his feet, walked over to a small table and poured himself some water, he drank greedily and felt that he needed a bath, really bad. "Oh I am sure I will, and I did indeed see a pig fly this morning. Damn it Teren, all that these ellith are after is my title, they are really like leeches and I didn't understand that until today. There are no one here I can imagine myself spending the rest of my existence with."

Teren looked as if he was thinking really hard. "You have Marta? Isn't she nice?"

Thranduil made a grimace. "She looks like a horse! And she smells like one too."

Teren grinned. "She does not but okay, you are right, she does look a bit like a horse, an underfed one. What about Olosta?"

Thranduil bit his lower lip and sighed, he turned around, stared at Teren. "No, and do you know why? That elleth has less intelligence than this piece of cheese!"

He held up a plate containing the remains of his lunch, a piece of slightly molded cheese lay on it. Teren held his hand up in front of his mouth, barely able to contain his laughter. "Darn, well, you are right about her in that perspective, she is infamous for being a bit short when it comes to wits and wisdom but she is pretty wouldn't you agree?"

Thranduil found a comb and tried to get his hair back into its usual elegant look but it was too tangled. "Ow, yes but she is so boring she would make even a balrog fall asleep."

Teren was thinking again. "Melda? Lissa? Luinell?"

Thranduil shook his head violently and almost lost his balance. "No, no and no! Those three are harpies, I am sure of it. The worse gossip spreaders within this entire realm, haven't you heard what Melda called you?"

Teren got a puzzled expression upon his fair face. "Has she called me anything? I didn't know that, what?"

Thranduil sighed and looked down at the floor. "She has apparently claimed that you didn't perform very well, from what I have heard she thought that even a rabbit would last longer than you did."

Teren went red. "Oh that…bitch! Right, don't marry that one Thran, or else you will see the end of a lovely friendship, ours!"

Thranduil tried to think, but his mind was blank. Teren got on his feet again. "Listen up, don't lose all hope just yet, remember there is to be held a huge festival in just two months, there will be elves coming from all the realms. I bet there is some nice pretty young thing among them worthy of you."

Thranduil made a grimace as if he had tasted something very disgusting. "Yeah right, I bet the only ones to show up are the kind who drools at the prospect of becoming a princess. I swear, they would gladly marry an orc if that gave them a title."

Teren made a strange sound, it sounded as if he was choking. "Maybe, so we will have to play your cards well my prince. What if the ones you fancy doesn't know who you really are?"

Thranduil turned around very slowly. "Yeah right, that is gonna be easy as pie! How the heck am I gonna conceal the fact that I am who I am?"

Teren just shrugged. "Oh we'll come up with something? Cheer up, it isn't the end of the world you know!"

Thranduil almost growled. "Oh but it is, too me it is!"

Teren went over, patted him on his shoulder. "Relax mellon, I'll have a small chat with the other's, I bet there has to be a way out of this mess, trust us."

Thranduil managed to smile but it didn't reach his eyes. "I trust you but I am not so sure that I should trust you in this."

Teren grinned. "You are hurting my feelings, what are friends for if not for helping each other out?"

Thranduil rolled his eyes, sighed. "Very well then, but I am warning you, no great plans or schemes that may end up as utter disasters, you hear me?!"

Teren shook his head, held his hands up. "No, no way, trust me Thran, it is gonna be alright you know. Go take a bath and forget about this, after all, you do have an entire year!"

Thranduil bit his teeth together so hard his jaws started hurting. A year? It was a mere blink of an eye and he waited until Teren had left the room before he grasped a book from his desk and tossed it at the wall in a fit of despair and frustration. A year, Oropher could as might as well have given him one day!

He went to the baths, the warm water of the pools helped him relax but he still had that uneasy feeling rooted deep within his chest, he had almost a sort of foreboding fear that this could turn out to become something very bad, or even dangerous. He had never had the gift of foresight but his instincts were as keen as any elf's and they told him to be aware. Things had been set in motion that could very well spell disaster for them all, he just could not comprehend how that could be. He stayed in the bath for a couple of hours, he really should have been elsewhere, doing his daily duties but he feared to face his father again, feared to lose his temper or show anyone how upset he had become.

The next day went by more or less as they usually did, nothing out of the ordinary happened and he almost managed to believe that the whole thing had been a bad dream. He went from one duty to the other, practiced his swordplay, spent some time at the archery range, went hunting a few times and had long and incredibly boring lessons in politics and tactics. He barely saw his father who was mostly busy with reports regarding the rising force of Morgoth's servant Sauron and the increase in attacks by orcs and other foul creatures. Thranduil did not worry that much about these things, he wasn't really regarded as a part of the king's council and he knew that Oropher was in some ways shielding him from the full truth. It made him worried at times but it didn't really make him frightened.

It wasn't before a couple of weeks had gone by that he started to notice something peculiar, whenever he participated in social gatherings the ellith started to act differently than before, they were not so bold, not so daring. No, they were acting more like they were very shy towards him and yet found him irresistible. Thranduil saw that even ellith with a somewhat doubtful reputation suddenly acted as the purest rose and he soon started to suspect that Teren had been a bit too careless with who he told of Thranduil's small problem. Someone had probably had a small slip of the tongue and now everybody knew that the prince was trying to find a bride. And so the ellith tried to convince him of their virtues and he felt almost smothered by the attention. He wanted to strangle Teren but at least he knew that the cat was out of the bag. He tried almost desperately to avoid the females and he even ate his dinner down in the kitchen. The head of the kitchens was an elderly elleth who had followed his father for many long years and Thranduil had almost thought of her as a sort of spare mother. Aira was a very gentle and understanding elleth and he had opened up to her and told her of the problem. She had no good advice to give this time, but she strongly suggested that he thought this through very thoroughly, he should not just chose someone to follow his father's bidding, that would be unfair both to him and the elleth he chose.

Thranduil knew this and he dreaded the upcoming festival, the palace was in an uproar and preparations were made continuously. There were no peace and quiet to be found anywhere, elves were scurrying around being busy with everything from gathering food to hanging up the best woven tapestries. Thranduil kept himself busy studying but his friends often came to visit and he tried to hide how angry he was with their recklessness, he hadn't wanted anyone to know that he was looking for a wife. By now the females were constantly bothering him and he feared that he soon would start hating them all. The worse thing wasn't that the young maidens were interested, no! The worse thing was their families, he couldn't count the number of mothers, fathers, siblings, uncles and aunts who had either come to him or just met him by coincidence within the corridors and started to speak very fondly and with much flatter about this or that elleth in their family who were just so beautiful, virtuous and perfect. He felt as though he was becoming some recluse by the time the festival started, he stayed within his rooms and he swore to himself that if he even met one more elleth who "accidentally" showed a bit too much skin he would turn to the love of males instead, at least they didn't try to flirt this shamelessly.

The festival was to honor spring and it was a joyous occasion but he did not look forward to this at all. He had to appear and he knew that Oropher probably would parade him by the daughters of several prominent elves of the other realms as though he was some sort of price. He wished for it all to be over with. At night he would lay in bed and pray the Valar to grant him invisibility for just a couple of days so that he could hide from everyone.

Oropher had given him some new clothes too, robes in some rather dark colors and they did make him look outstanding but he felt like some exotic animal on display. He hated it.

He was right, his father did parade him through the crowd, showed him off to everyone and he had to smile and pretend as though he was enjoying the conversations. He wanted to run off, into the woods with his friends. Teren and Antarar were enjoying themselves a lot, they were flirting and dancing and having a great time but Thranduil felt how his face hurt from the constant fake smile he had to wear. The music and the food was excellent and the wine even better and before he really knew it he had drunk way too much of it and was getting tipsy. The official part of the festival was over, everybody was just enjoying themselves and he felt a deep sense of relief. He really didn't have to be there any longer and so he ran back to his rooms, got out of the robes and into more informal clothing before he went into the back garden to get some fresh air.

He heard the racket from the partying through the walls and he made a grimace, it was too loud. His head felt funny and he went over to a fountain and splashed water into his face, took a deep breath of relief. It felt wonderful, he stared up at the starlight sky and knew that what he saw up there was all the beauty he would ever need. He just wished that he never would lose the joy he felt whenever he gazed up at the starlight sky. He sat down on a bench, close by some flowers which he always had favored. Their scent was a bit sweet but it had a strangely haunting quality to it that he found irresistible. He just sat there and allowed his mind to wander and he was almost asleep when he suddenly heard movement, someone was walking along the paths and he tensed up. He feared that it was Teren or someone else looking for him, trying to persuade him to partake in the merrymaking once again but it was a stranger.

An elleth came slowly walking along the path. She was staring down at the gravel at her feet and she was wearing a most unusual gown. It was almost black and made from a very heavy fabric, embroidered with dark red roses along the sleeves and neckline and it had some geometric shapes along the edge of the skirt. Thranduil had never seen anyone wearing anything like that before and he lifted his gaze and stared at her. She was indeed a stranger, he had never met her before and he surely would have noticed her because she was most unusual. She had hair the color of a ripe field of wheat and it wasn't as straight as it usually is on elves. Instead it was wavy with ringlets and it reached her calves. Thranduil raised an eyebrow in confusion, who was this elleth? She wore no jewelry but the dress had to be expensive and she moved with a sort of grace which told of noble birth. She was rather tall and elegant and her eyes appeared to be deep blue like a lake in the summer sun.

What was she doing there? She stopped by the fountain and let her hand slide through the water, she looked as if she was in deep thoughts and he didn't want to startle her. He had to look twice, she was highly unusual in many ways, her skin a bit darker than normal and  her body appeared to be that of an athlete. She had muscles, and something about her reminded him of a wolf. She turned around and saw him, gasped and looked startled. He didn't know what to say so he just bowed his head a bit. She looked almost angry for being disturbed and he brazed himself for what he knew would happen when she recognized him. His friends had tried to persuade him to disguise himself but he had refused, he had also refused to meet all the ellith they had tried to convince him were the perfect match for him. She just stood there and stared at him, almost aggressively and he felt awkward, felt as though he had to do something. He got on his feet, took a few steps forward. "My lady, I am sorry if I startled you but I was just sitting here enjoying the skies."

She raised her chin, eyes blazing. Yes, they were blue, in a most amazing deep color and she had a pair of very pretty pink lips and her cheeks were rather dark, as if she was blushing. "Then go on, admire the stars. Let me not hinder you!"

Thranduil was a bit shocked by her tone, she sounded so angry. "Pray tell, have I upset you my lady? In that case I do most sincerely apologize."

She just stared at him and he was a bit fascinated by the dark fire in her eyes, this was one feisty elleth. "May I ask your name my lady?"

She crossed her arms in front of her chest, stared at him in a way that was almost a challenge. "Why should I tell you my name?"

He was shocked, nobody had spoken like that to him before, she was being far from polite. "Well, first of all you are standing in my father's garden and as my father's son I …"

She interrupted him."I know who you are, Orophers spoilt son, the one who thinks that he is irresistible."

Thranduil almost gasped, he just stared at her with his mouth wide open. Was this elleth mad? That could explain why he hadn't seen her before. He tried desperately to remain cool and to stay polite. "Yes, I am Orophers son, Prince Thranduil of Greenwood at your service."

She looked at him, from his face and down and up again. "Yeah, service indeed. I know what sort of service you would like to provide!"

He was getting angry but even more shocked. "I beg your pardon? Who are you to offer me insult within the confines of my own home?"

She raised her chin again, a proud and defiant stance. "I am known as Vanima of Imladris and I don't care who you are!"

He had never even heard of someone of that name, beautiful indeed. "With that tongue of yours young lady you should not have carried such a name, it does not suit you."

She just scoffed, turned around on her heel and then she just left, she walked away as if he wasn't even there and he gasped and stared at her in utter shock. "Hey, wait a minute, don't you dare turn your back on me! Damn it elleth!"

She was gone, and she had in fact answered with a rather obscene gesture, Thranduil just remained standing there in utter shock. Nobody had ever dared to talk to him like that let alone give him the finger! And then it struck him like an arrow from a powerful bow, she was the first elleth he had met in a very long time that hadn't tried to flirt with him, in fact she had acted as if she was disgusted by him and suddenly he desperately needed to know why, and who the heck she was who thought she could treat a prince of the Sindar in such a disrespectful way.

He was still standing there looking a bit shocked when someone else came walking by, this time it was indeed Teren and the ellon was a bit drunk, he wasn't as sure footed as he usually was and he had a silly grin that made Thranduil sigh to himself. Teren was just the way he usually was when a big party was being held. Teren stopped and raised an eyebrow. "What's the matter Thran, you look like you've seen the dark lord himself?"

Thranduil just made a grimace. "No, but I have seen something that's probably twice as hostile and three times more fierce."

Teren shook his head to clear his mind. "What are you talking about?"

Thranduil sat down again, he still felt a bit angry and more than a little annoyed by her behavior. How could she have said the things she had, she didn't really know him at all! He took a deep breath. "Teren, do you happen to know anything about an elleth by the name of Vanima? Tall, blond, wearing a strange black dress?"

Teren looked a bit confused. "No? I have never heard that name before, black dress? That's unusual?"

Thranduil clenched his teeth together until his jaw hurt. "No kidding, this mad female came walking through the garden as if she owns the place and insulted me in a most…discourteous manner!"

Teren looked shocked and a bit intrigued. "What? What happened?"

Thranduil rolled his eyes and then he started telling his good friend of the strange encounter and Teren's eyes went wide and his mouth stood open. "Damn! She must be insane or something? Did she give you the finger?!"

Thranduil sighed. "Yep, she did. She was as angry as a she dragon with thirteen pups!"

Teren grinned. "Right, I am on it Thran, I am going to find out everything about her, fear not!"

The prince cringed. "Teren, if the word discrete is in your vocabulary then please think about its meaning! I do not want to cause any problems."

Teren looked a bit nervous all of a sudden. "Thran, she insulted you, are you sure you won't do her any harm? I am not going to help you if that is the case for I am not one to get females into trouble of any kind."

Thranduil shook his head. "No, absolutely not, I just want to know who the heck she is and why she acted in such an unusual way. I have never met an elleth with such a temper before."

Teren smiled, there was a weird twinkle in his eye. "Right, then I will see what I can do, by the way, was she pretty?"

Thranduil sighed. "Yes, she was very pretty. Go ahead if you are interested but beware, I think an orc would be far more charming than that fury!"

Teren just nodded and was off, he looked very eager and Thranduil closed his eyes and took a deep breath, he had a feeling of dread. Teren would most certainly manage to turn this into a real mess, he always did. Thranduil didn't have that many he could call real friends and Teren was one of them and he didn't want to lose any of them but on the other hand, Teren could sometimes be a nuisance. He was just so overly eager to please and he rarely saw that his actions could have unimaginable consequences. Thranduil just hoped that Teren managed to get the information without letting the elleth know of what he was doing.

Vanima had walked back to the party with her chin held high and her eyes ablaze, she was so angry she was seeing red and her hands were shivering. She didn't usually act like this, she was after all no lunatic but she had a bit more temper than she ought to and she was unable to control it. This very evening, before the party her parents had told her that someone had approached them, asking for her hand in marriage. They had not told her who this was but she had her suspicions, and the very idea made her cringe. She was not going to marry that moron, never. He was too boring, too much of a softy and way too old for her. To her it didn't matter if he had a pedigree spanning back to the very first forefathers and came from a family well known for their impeccable taste and moral. And he did most certainly belong among those she saw as spoiled and weak.

Vanima had never been a spoilt child, she had several siblings and she had been born several centuries after the last one of them so she was the youngest in the family and she had never been regarded as someone important. She was almost ignored much of the time and her flaring temper was perhaps a result of this. She was a difficult person to be around but she had a lot of strength and she was both stubborn and rather smart. She loved to read and was far more learned than most females her age, she had always had a strong sense of curiosity and wanted to know as much as she possibly could about almost everything. No wonder she had driven her parents more or less in sane with her constant questions, they had left her with their nannies rather early and she had never managed to develop a good relationship with neither of them. Being of a very good family meant being privileged but also inhibited. There were so many things she could not do and she had started hating her life rather early, she idolized the avari elves who lived as one with nature and she would have run off and joined them if she had gotten the chance.

She slowed down, walked out among the elves who were partying like before and she saw that her parents were talking with some friends. They were so superficial, she did not understand them at all. To them power and wealth was everything and Vanima had never wanted any of that. To her it was almost corrupted, something which to her was a very good example of how far from their origin they had come. She walked over to a table to get something to drink, the thought of the prince she had met brought a sarcastic grin to her fair face. Yet another spoiled ellon who thought the world of himself, she knew the type. She took a glass and a tall darkhaired ellon with a gentle face approached her. She smiled at him, he was a friend of her father and one of the few people she really did like. Feanuldo was very gentle and he treated her with such respect, she was not used to that at all. To her he was almost like a kind uncle although they weren't kin at all, he was just a very close friend of the family. He had always been there for her and she trusted him, she could confide in him and tell him of her thoughts and her doubts. He agreed with many of her ideas and with her basic ideology and they had many nice conversations.

Vanima smiled at him and Feanuldo grinned and picked up a glass for himself. "I saw you leaving dear child, and I envied you. Your father is yet again bragging about those plans of his, I wish someone would throw a spell of muteness onto him, just for a few days. It would be a blessing indeed."

Vanima had to giggle, he had such a great sense of humor and Feanuldo would never stare at her in that peculiar way that made her skin crawl. He respected her and even when he did praise her beauty he did it in a way that was elegant and very decent. "Oh I think that would be wonderful, he is too fond of his own voice."

Feanuldo nodded and cocked his head. "You looked like a stormcloud when you returned, why so upset my dear?"

Vanima tossed her hair back and sighed. "I just met Oropher's son, by the fountain. He is such an insufferable idiot!"

Feanuldo raised an eyebrow, looked a bit shocked. "Really? Did you speak with him?"

She felt her cheeks starting to get red. "No, but you know the type right? Rich, spoiled, too darn good looking and very well aware of it?"

Feanuldo grinned, but there was something strange within his gaze,"Vanima, do not make the mistake of judging anyone before you truly know them, for all you know he could be a very nice person."

Vanima scoffed. "Right, I am sure he is! Haughty is what he is, and insufferable. I know what the ellith say about him"

Feanuldo made a grimace. "And what is it that they say? I have told you before that gossip never should be considered as anything but lies, you are too clever and too good to believe in such nonsense."

She blushed again, he was right but she couldn't help it. She had to believe it. "They say that he is a bit too popular among the females, he is probably bedding someone new every night."

Feanuldo shook his head. "Vanima, listen to yourself for a second. Do you think Oropher would allow this type of behavior?"

She just gulped. "Ah, no?"

Feanuldo nodded. "Exactly, I bet that most of those rumors are just the vicious kind of gossip people in the grasp of jealously are making up. He is after all the prince and very handsome, some like to hate the things they cannot have."

Vanima sighed. "So I have been wrong in my assumptions?"

Feanuldo shrugged. "Possibly yes, but on the other hand, he could be just the kind of person you fear that he is, arrogant and all."

Vanima made a grimace. "Anyway, I have no intention of speaking with him ever again just so you know it."

Feanuldo laughed and petted her shoulder. "Very well my dear, you decide who you want to be around, that is your privilege. Enjoy the evening child, I see your father waving for me to join him again, if I have to listen to more of his bragging I swear I will go slightly mad."

Vanima just giggled and he kissed her hand politely before he turned to join the others. Vanima finished her drink and walked over to one of the fires that were burning, she felt cold and wanted to be left alone. Had she really been wrong in her assumptions? Then she had been very unjust towards him and should apologize but she didn't think she had to courage to do that. After all, she was a guest there and she had probably given him the shock of a lifetime. No, she was better off forgetting about the whole damn thing.

Vanima did not know of it but eyes were watching her this evening, eyes burning with a dark flame and even darker intentions. They never left her, followed her every move with the patience of a hunter who knows that the prey is helpless to escape. A mind was making plans, everything had to be perfect but she would be his. She was the only one, so pure, so strong. He was almost licking his lips watching her, so delicate. He was rather sure that her screams would be exquisite, something very special. She had such light, such energy. It would be so joyful to corrupt and twist it, ruin it and leave it soiled and extinguished like a flame left in the rain.

She would never belong to anyone else, it was a sacred oath, such a thing of exceptional quality, so unusual and unique. She was not at all like the others, she would most certainly fight and he was looking forward to it. He hadn't faced a real challenge for many centuries now, the hunter was getting hungry once more and a more promising prey had never crossed his paths before. She would be the one, the one to fulfill his every fantasy, to make him complete, to show him the true meaning of power. Oh he would be so much stronger afterwards, more than ready to serve his master. She would be the key to unravelling his true potential, how ironic it really was. There he was, among them, walking through the crowd like a wolf among sheep and they would never know the truth. And Vanima, the beautiful one, the carrier of light. She would be the sacrifice needed, the last one. It was such a joy to see how she avoided the other ellyn, how she remained pure. No, he would not let anyone get near her, if anyone tried then he would most certainly have to interfere. But he was so much smarter than the others, they would never know about him, never. Not until it was too late. She remained standing by the fire and he smiled, a grin well hidden. Soon, soon the moment would come, soon he would be ready and so would she. A world of darkness awaited and with it power unrestrained. Yes, it would be like a dream come true!  

Golodhrim: Noldo elves.

 

 


	2. Darkness unveiled

**I do not own any of the characters except my own ones, and this is written solely for entertainment. This story is a bit AU.  
** This chapter contains some more mature scenes but nothing too bad. I chose the lyrics to a song by nightwish to start it because I thought it fitted this part of the story somehow. Things are not looking very good, no they aren't. You are warned, somebody is gonna get it, character death.

**Chapter Two: Darkness unveiled**

Cherish the moment  
Tower the skies  
Don't let the dreamer  
fade to grey like grass  
No falling for life  
A gain for every loss  
Time gathered me  
But kept me flying  
"For this gift of dream I must pay the price  
with the loss of life's pleasures"

 

**_Nightwish: Away_ **

 

 

The party had lasted well into the night but Thranduil went to bed early, he saw no reason to stay up late just because everybody else were. He looked forward to returning to the normal routine and hoped that his father would leave him alone. He had seen his fair share of suitable ellith that evening and none of them had been able to catch his interest. They were all so darn dull, he wondered if they really were as dimwitted as they appeared to be. Did they really believe that that kind of behavior was what ellyn sought after? It seemed as though dresses, hairstyles and gossip was the only thing they could discuss with confidence.

The next days were also busy, the servants were removing the equipment that had been used during the party and cleaning up and there were many walking around looking as though they had tasted something rather sour. Thranduil heard that the wine cellar was almost empty and he did not doubt that, most had probably gotten more than their fair share of his father's strong wine. Thranduil was not bothered with hangovers, he felt fine and grinned to himself whenever he met someone who probably should have taken it a bit more easy. He had never liked wine that much and only pretended to  be drinking whenever he could. He didn't see Teren or his other friends for many days, there were some meetings being held concerning the rising threat and Thranduil did understand that this was getting serious. The leaders of the other realms were trying to make Oropher join their alliance and Thranduil knew that Oropher was a bit reluctant. He didn't really trust neither of them and their realm was not well equipped for a real war. It would be a hard to convince his father of the necessity of joining their forces with those of the others.

Thranduil had almost forgotten about the mysterious elleth in the garden when Teren approached him one afternoon, the prince had just finished a lesson in quenya and he had a throbbing headache, the ellith responsible for teaching the young elves this old language was so boring to listen to he barely had been able to stay awake. Teren looked a bit sly and he had a peculiar grin around his mouth. Thranduil stared at his friend with a puzzled expression and Teren grinned even wider. He grasped the prince by the shoulder. "Thran, follow me, I want to show you something."

Thranduil frowned but followed willingly, he could see that Teren was serious. The young ellon walked through the palace and as they approached the herbal garden behind the structure he pressed a finger to his lips to signal for Thranduil to remain silent. They walked through some huge bushes and Thranduil felt silly, here he was in his own home, sneaking forth like a thief in the night. It would have been such a very silly sight if anyone were to see him. Teren stopped and pointed. "Is that her?"

His voice was a mere whisper and Thranduil took a quick peek from behind a tree, he nodded. It was really her, the strange elleth and she was sitting on a bench with a very pretty female that had to be her mother and a tall dark haired ellon stood there and he was obviously showing the ellith some herbs. Teren squinted and retreated, he walked back into the palace and Thranduil started to feel a bit confused but also a bit irritated. "So, what was this about?"

Teren shrugged. "Wasn't really sure if this was the one you meant after all, there are plenty of pretty blondes here now you know. But I was right, I am glad."

Thranduil raised an eyebrow and sighed. "So?"

Teren sat down on a bench and lowered his voice, took a look around to make sure that nobody was eavesdropping. "Well, her name is indeed Vanima and yes, she is of Imladris. Her family has stayed there for only the Valar know how long. She has got quite a reputation for insulting nearly everyone and she is afraid of nothing."

Thranduil just gave Teren a somewhat wry grin. "That much I could guess on my own yes."

Teren continued. "Her family is rather large, she has got at least five siblings and the female you saw with her is her mother. She is of sindar origin but Vanima's father is a noldo, his grandfather was among those who crossed the ice desert with Galadriel and her kin."

Thranduil frowned. "A possible kinslayer?"

Teren shook his head. "No, just a servant to some important person in the household of Finwe. But they take pride in that and I am loathing to say it but her parents are very hungry for influence and power. She is not on the other hand, she is very untraditional and I have managed to learn a thing or two about her that is a bit strange. She prefers the ways of the silvan and never agrees with her parents in any way. She is a bit rebellious."

Thranduil had to grin. "No kidding!"

Teren continued. "She is very well educated, smarter than most and she has impressed many a scholar already, but she has a tongue sharper than a good sword and I bet she has learned how to use a real blade too. She is bold enough for that."

Thranduil was thinking. "The ellon, was that her father?"

Teren shook his head. "No, her father is busy with some work for Gil-Galad, he is a scribe after all. The ellon we saw was Feanuldo, a friend of the family. I didn't learn a lot about him but he was captured by orcs once and thought to be dead but they found him as a prisoner a couple of centuries later, only the Valar knows what the poor fellow had been trough but he survived. After that he has been followed by tragedy, his fiancé died suddenly in a terrible accident and then he mourned for a long time. The next time he met someone he liked she disappeared and nobody was able to find her. I guess the gods can be cruel at times."

Thranduil felt a bit stunned by this information. "Darn, there aren't that many who has survived being held captive by the orcs, what does he do for a living?"

Teren made a grimace. "He is a poet, yeah, I know, a freaking poet. But his work is nice I have heard and Vanima is very fond of him."

Thranduil suddenly got a strange feeling, like someone had poured cold water down his back. Why he did not know but he got a sense of urgency and he got onto his feet, feeling restless. "You have really been working hard Teren, but do you think she is going to stay here for much longer?"

He shook his head, shrugged. "Nope, I don't think so. They will leave with the others, why? Don't tell me she has caught your interest Thran?"

The prince shook his head. "No, I don't think so, it is just…"

He didn't really find the words to say. "I felt something weird, like there is some sort of danger lurking, and it is somehow connected with her."

Teren looked like he didn't really believe a word Thranduil was saying. "Well, she is kind of menacing but I don't think she is a danger to this realm nor to its inhabitants, her tongue may be poisonous but not to such a degree."

Thranduil just sighed. "I know damn it but I can't get rid of this feeling, something is amiss. And I hate to feel like this not knowing the cause."

Teren looked a bit sly. "Are you sure that you aren't misinterpreting some other signals? She was very pretty indeed."

Thranduil blushed. "No, Teren, stop joking! I am not interested in her, not like that. I was just curious about who she was."

Teren smiled. "Right, and now, with that curiosity of yours sated what are you going to do next?"

Thranduil just stared at Teren. "Next? What do you mean next? I am not going to do anything, I know who she is now and that was all I wanted."

Teren raised an eyebrow. "Sure? I bet she would be an interesting challenge."

Thranduil pressed his eyebrows together and sent his friend a rather threatening glance. "No Teren, I am not joining some stupid challenge or contest. I am not interested in that elleth, so if you find her so fascinating go seek her out. I am not standing in your way."

Teren sighed. "You really are serious? You are not interested in her?"

Thranduil nodded. "Nope, absolutely not. The only thing about her is that feeling I got of unease, otherwise go ahead, court her if she allows it. But be aware, I think a she dragon would be far more courteous than her."

Teren grinned widely and got on his feet. "Yes I know, and that is thrilling!"

Thranduil just shook his head, Teren was just like normal, he was almost an optimist and Thranduil was looking forward to hearing about Teren's attempt at charming that spitfire!

Vanima was not really enjoying her stay at Greenwood, she was missing her home and her books and so she was thrilled when Feanuldo mentioned that Oropher had a huge library, and the poet had managed to get her permission to visit it while her stay lasted. Vanima didn't waste any time, she found the library and it was even more impressive than the one at Imladris. She spent most of the days there and just emerged from the rooms to spend some time with her mother who was endlessly complaining about Vanima's lack of proper behavior. Vanima was so tired of her mother's endless nagging, in her eyes every elleth should sew, weave and sing and that was it. To be reading that much was not very feminine and could deter possible suitors. Vanima could not have cared less, sometimes Feanuldo would visit her and they would spend some time discussing interesting topics, she really enjoyed those conversations.

She was trying to find some books about the history of the dwarves when a stranger entered the library, it was a rather young ellon with a certain mischievous glimpse within his green eyes and he was whistling. Vanima felt a bit annoyed, she preferred to be alone down there and although he was handsome she didn't like to be interrupted. He was obviously looking for something and she sighed to herself and put on a friendly and yet not too inviting expression. "May I help you?"

He turned around and looked a bit surprised. "Ah, yes, do you know this place well? I am looking for something rather special."

Vanima didn't really know what to think about this one, he was in fact rather cute and she liked the boyish grin and the fact that he wasn't too tall. Something special? That sounded like a challenge and she always liked having her knowledge tested. "I know it fairly well yes, what is it that you are looking for?"

He blushed and bit his lower lip. "Oh, a book about poems, and I do also need a book about disease in animals. I have a horse and it is ailing and I have no idea of what it is that is causing the problem."

Vanima's curiosity was awakened. "Well, what type of poems?"

He looked down, she could see a pretty shade of red across his cheeks. "Naughty ones, yes I know! But I lost a bet to some friends and I have to come up with something rather shocking or else I will have to read the ones they find out loud in the middle of the dining hall!"

Vanima had to giggle, she could understand that he needed those poems yes. "Right, I think there may be some books like that here somewhere, and what is it that is ailing your horse?"

He bit his lower lip. "She won't eat, and she acts as if her hind quarters are a bit stiff sometimes. And she hurts when being ridden."

Vanima nodded. "Sounds serious, but I think there are books here about the care of equines, written by some fellow of Rohan if I am not mistaken."

The ellon smiled and looked grateful. "That would be wonderful, thank you. My name is Teren by the way, with whom do I have the pleasure of speaking?"

Vanima felt a bit annoyed still but also curious, he was so different from the ellyn she knew, he acted in a more unrestricted manner and he didn't seem to care about the fact that she was a female. Vanima liked that. "I am Vanima."

Teren bowed and grinned. "Pleased to meet you, and now, books and scrolls please."

She smiled and went to work and she found it a bit thrilling to be able to help someone finding the information they needed. She was running around looking for books and Teren was helping her and before long she forgot about time and place and just enjoyed herself. Teren was funny, he was making jokes about the high lords and shared some rather juicy gossip with her and she laughed and was shocked by her own mood. She really liked Teren, she had never met anyone that charming before and he wasn't some high ranking person either. He was just perfect really and as they searched through the shelves she started to hope that he would meet her again. Vanima hadn't really cared that much about ellyn before, she was an adult but she was too much of a loner to care about the traditions. She had never let anyone court her and she hadn't even kissed someone. Teren was nice, she would not mind kissing him, she was getting rather sure of that.

They did find some books and he was very grateful and they did agree to meet again, Teren wanted to show her some of the secrets of the great Greenwood and he knew of some very rare species of flowers she wanted to see. Vanima knew that her parents probably would get a bit angry if she allowed Teren to court her and the idea of pissing them off was actually very tempting. He wasn't someone in power and although his father was a counsellor to King Oropher he had no influence to speak off. Vanima had a wicked grin on her face when she returned to her reading, she was starting to hope that Teren could be the right one for her. And if he was then screw her parents, she would not give in to their wishes. She too whistled when she went to get some food, suddenly she was looking forward to the rest of her stay there.

Thranduil was in the stable grooming his horse when Teren showed up, he had a strange glimpse within his eyes and he was grinning constantly, a rather sheepish grin that made the prince drop the brush he was using and stare at his friend. "Teren, you look like a moron, what's the matter?"

Teren blushed and leaned back towards the wall, he petted Thranduil's grey gelding absentmindedly. "I am in love Thran!"

Thranduil just stared at Teren with wide eyes and his mouth open. "What?"

Teren smiled, a very pleased smile. "The right way to approach any game is to know of its preferred habitat and I found just the right way to approach her, and damn Thran, she is wonderful! Yes, not like the rest of the ellith but so much smarter, and funny and I am able to really speak with her."

Thranduil sighed. "Oh Teren, I think you really are in trouble, listen to yourself! I can't remember you ever speaking of an elleth like that. What happened to the fire breathing dragon I met?"

Teren just sniggered. "Gone, I found her weak spot and attacked it and it worked like a charm. I am gonna meet her again tomorrow, I can't wait. I think she may be my one!"

Thranduil felt a little worried but he could not help but feeling happy for his friend. Maybe Teren's charm really was what was needed to bring down her defenses. And he only wished for the best for his friend, if Vanima was the right for him then Thranduil would congratulate them both. Teren grinned again, looking even more sheepish. "I bet she has got a lot of passion stored up, temperamental females usually does. I hope this goes well, I am really ready to settle down."

Thranduil reached out, placed his hand on Teren's forehead. "No fever? Strange, I could have sworn that you have fallen seriously ill all of a sudden, did I really hear those words from your lips? Settle down? You once swore that it would happen when the sun and the moon switches place in the heavens and the Anduin starts flowing in the opposite direction."

Teren blushed again. "Thran, I am serious. I think she is wonderful, oh Valar help me, I am going to count the hours until I can see her again."

Thranduil picked up the brush again and sniggered. Yes, his friend was in love and he just prayed that this would bring them both joy and happiness, Teren did not deserve anything less.

He felt his good mood disappear, it still didn't solve his own problem. What in the name of the Valar was he to do? Should he just go to his father, announce his defeat and allow Oropher to pick a suitable bride for him? It would be the easiest thing to do, in some ways. And yet the most terrible defeat of all times, how could he possibly hope to become happy with someone he hadn't chosen with his own heart and soul? He didn't want an ordinary wife, he needed someone with fire, with a fea just as strong as his own. Someone like Vanima, it was so ironic but she could have been a perfect match for him if she had not been so darn hostile.

He finished his work and went to his rooms, spent some hours reading before he went to have a bath and something to eat. He stared at the darkness that was falling, it was a very dark night since there was no moon and the skies were cloudy. He wondered why he had gotten such a feeling of impending doom when he spoke with Teren, something was wrong but what? By the Valar themselves, what?

Vanima had managed to hide her excitement from everybody else, she was feeling so much more alive than before, and she had to make sure that nobody saw her smile and the sparkle within her gaze. She was going to meet him again the next day and she was looking forward to it, he was like a breath of fresh air and she still grinned when she thought of his jokes and cheerful personality. If he was her one then she would never have another boring day, of that she was completely sure. Her mother looked a bit suspicious but Vanima claimed that her unusual good mood was caused by some very rare and ancient books she had found and she knew that it was believable. Feanuldo on the other hand seemed to see through her lies and he grinned and winked at her, she was glad she had such a good friend. He would support her, of that she was very sure. She didn't sleep very much that night but she didn't mind at all, her thoughts were thoroughly occupied by the idea of Teren and the time they would spend together.

Teren was nervous when he waited for her by the gates, he had saddled two horses and hoped that Vanima could ride, not everybody was accustomed to this form of transport and he was glad when she showed up and immediately fell in love with the peach colored mare he had picked out for her. It was a docile animal and very friendly, the stable master had sworn that it never had tried to throw anyone and he believed that. Vanima was filled with a strange excitement, to be out in the woods alone with an ellon, without a chaperone was considered scandalous at the best but she didn't really care. To hell with her reputation, and the same to her parents. This was her life after all and she wanted some fun.

It didn't take long before they both were enjoying themselves and she impressed Teren with her knowledge and wisdom. She laughed and just relaxed and after a while Teren tried to teach her how to imitate birds. Vanima was rather good at it already but she had huge problems with the blue pretty little birds which usually nested in hollow trees and hunted moths and mosquitos by the streams. She wasn't able to finish their call in the proper way, her tongue didn't want to create the right sounds and the birds were flying around their heads making indignant complaints about her abuse of their language. Teren laughed and did it perfectly and she pretended to be angry at him and he saw through it immediately. She felt so at ease with him, so at home. He told her stories and he was very good at it, he made the past come to life in front of her very eyes and she loved the way he got caught by his own tales and used his voice and body to show her the emotions and events he spoke of. When they returned to the palace late in the afternoon she knew that she was falling in love and falling fast too. There was no denying it, she could not hide it at all. Teren had very politely kissed her cheek before they parted and she could feel her skin burn where he had touched it. It felt so very exciting and she giggled and could not help but touching the spot. It made her wonder what it would feel like if she allowed him to touch more of her, the idea almost made her want to swoon but it also made her heart beat faster and she had to admit to herself that she was ready to take her vows if he wanted to. She had found her one, of that she was sure and she saw no point in denying it or prolonging the wait. The truth was something that could not be hidden, they were meant for each other and they could as might as well just do it and make it official.

She spent the rest of the evening in the library, she didn't want to meet anyone because she knew that they would notice the strange light within her eyes and her constant grin. She was rather sure she looked like a moron and had to grin to herself. At least she still had enough of her intelligence left to be able to be honest with herself. He hadn't completely clouded her mind. She was going through books containing old maps when Feanuldo came wandering into the library, he looked a bit stressed out and Vanima hid her smile as well as she could. The poet smiled at her, petted her hair absentmindedly and appeared to be deep within his own thoughts. Vanima was getting curious. "Is something wrong?"

Feanuldo just sent her a strange smile. "Ah, maybe and maybe not. The leaders are so busy with the orc situation and the preparations for war they fail to notice anything else. Someone told me there have been sightings of monsters near the borders, it could be just rubbish but on the other hand, the enemy has got some very sinister servants indeed."

Vanima frowned. "This realm is very well guarded, I know that for sure."

Feanuldo nodded. "Of course my dear, now, how has your day been?"

Vanima just shrugged. "Ok I guess."

He raised an eyebrow and looked at her as though he didn't really believe her words. "Ok? You look like you have had a very pleasant day?"

Vanima had to smile and she knew that he would have to see the expression upon her face and within her eyes. "Fine, it has been more than just pleasant. It has been wonderful, I think I have found my one Feanuldo"

He gasped and looked a bit shocked but he was smiling. "Is that true? That is wonderful my dear, I know that your parents are very eager for you to marry someone of status and social power but if I know your right, and I do, that would be a disaster. So, who is the lucky ellon?"

Vanima giggled. "His name is Teren and his father is a counsellor to the king. I just know it, our hearts beat as one."

Feanuldo patted her hair and his smile was very warn and filled with joy. "I am sure he is a perfect match for you, you would never go for anything else my dear. But remember, do not let your heart run amok, these things are always best enjoyed in a slow pace. You deserve to be pampered and courted, don't rush it."

Vanima laughed. "Oh I bet I can make him wait but why should we? I know that this is right, there is no lies when you are bonding with someone. I want to become his wife as soon as possible, and I don't care what my parents will say about it."

Feanuldo laughed too, a rich warm laughter. "Now that's the spirit my dear, I bet there will be an uproar but it is your life, remember that. They are far too eager to find a perfect spouse for you as it is. I would love to see their faces when you announce that you've already gotten married!"

Vanima had a mischievous glimpse within her eyes. "Maybe I'll do that, just show up and tell them that I've gotten married? Well, I am not so sure that he will agree on doing it so fast, I bet he is a bit old fashioned and wants to woo me for a while. But that is alright with me, I have never felt so at ease with anyone before."

Feanuldo hugged her gently. "For whatever it is worth child, you have my blessing. When are you going to meet next?"

Vanima looked down, blushing. "Tomorrow evening, we'll go for a ride along the river I think."

Feanuldo sighed. "Oh to be young and in love, I remember that… But remember what I told you, there may be dangers out there so be aware and make sure that he is armed."

Vanima just nodded. "Of course, I am so glad you approve, but please keep it a secret."

He pressed a finger across his lips. "Fear not my dear, I will not tell anyone. I want to see your mother's face when you show up wearing a wedding ring!"

Vanima just laughed and Feanuldo gave her a grin filled with mirth. "And now my dear, I have to get to work. Your father wants some books about some long forgotten laws and it has fallen on me to find them"

She nodded. "Good luck, I think I will retire for the day."

Feanuldo stared at the long line of bookshelves and sighed, but there was still mirth within his eyes. He did like to work and there were many interesting books down there.

Thranduil was sitting by the fireplace with a very rare book about the forging of blades, he was so far into it he didn't notice that Teren was sneaking up on him and he almost dropped the book when his friend suddenly shouted "Boo!"right behind him.

Thranduil turned his head around with a curse not very fitting for a prince and Teren just grinned and grasped a chair, pulled it closer to Thranduil and sat down, there was no doubt about the condition Teren was in. His eyes were shining and he had a nice blush constantly showing on his cheeks. Thranduil sighed inwardly, no more reading tonight! "So, how did your day go?"

Teren bit his lower lip. "There is no doubt Thran, she is the one. May the Valar strike me dead if not. I have had a most wonderful day and she is just…perfect."

Thranduil gave his friend a warm smile. "I am truly happy for you Teren, what are the others saying?"

Teren just kept that foolish grin and he was constantly playing with his sleeves, he seemed to be filled with some sort of restless energy. "Antarar was congratulating me and Langorion claimed that I have been bewitched. But in a good way that is"

Thranduil nodded. "Thought so, he is unable to understand such deep emotions. So what did you do?"

Teren stared at the flames dancing around in the fireplace, he had a faraway look within his eyes. "We rode around, looked at the forest. Well, I must admit that I looked mostly at her. Hard not to really, she is wonderful."

Thranduil grinned. "I have understood that much by now thank you. But did you just ride around?"

Teren shook his head. "Oh no, we talked about everything and I tried to teach her how to imitate birds. She is good at it but she is unable to mimic those blue stream singers, it sounded awful."

Thranduil rolled his eyes but smiled. "So she is not entirely perfect after all, good to know."

Teren sent him a scowl and imitated Vanima's attempts and Thranduil had to laugh. "Darn, I bet the birds were angry at her."

Teren smiled and his eyes were filled with a strange sort of tenderness. "Indeed they were, but I love her nonetheless. I hope she don't mind a rather quick courtship, I don't think I can wait all that long to make her mine."

Thranduil whistled. "That bad ha? I am glad I am not in your shoes Teren."

Teren just smiled and Thranduil had a hard time believing what he was seeing, Teren was completely transformed. If falling in love did that to people then he was glad he never had, it seemed to remove every tiny ounce of wisdom and self-control. Teren did look very happy though, and he still had that foolish grin. "I am going to meet her again tomorrow, I plan to take her riding along the river. It is beautiful now at this time of the year and I want to show her the waterfall."

Thranduil just nodded. "Do that, but be careful. And don't get too hot headed, you don't want to scare her away."

Teren just scoffed. "Scaring her away? You have got to be kidding me, I would like to see the thing that can scare her."

Thranduil grinned widely. "Oh you might, if you go all emotional on her and start becoming melodramatic."

Teren laughed, he patted Thranduil on his shoulder. "No chance mellon, I know how to behave!"

Thranduil smiled back. "I am glad to hear that, just promise to tell me when you have tied the knot, I would very much like to be the first one to congratulate you two lovebirds."

Teren nodded and wandered off, it was rather obvious that his head was filled with sweet dreams and Thranduil picked up the book and tried to read some more but the words became a blur before his eyes. He still had that uneasy feeling, as if thought something was about to happen, something bad. He had to give up his reading after a while and he just sat there, staring at the flames. When he went to bed that night he felt very tired and he did not manage to get any sleep at all, he was just tossing around and he felt as if some strange darkness was ascending upon them all, like a dark veil smothering all light. He just prayed that his mind was being led astray by his own worries, that this was the response of the stress he was under and that there was nothing to it.

She had been seen, with that darn whelp. It had to be stopped before it was too late, before her powers were lost. He had to intervene, before he was prepared to. But there was no other way, such a reckless child, she would probably go ahead and marry the ellon and then she would be lost to him. The sacrifice had to be pure, she had to be only his. He would have to come up with a plan, had to get that darn suitor of hers out of the way. Yes, he had to be gone, the faster the better. There would most certainly be a chance soon, the young were reckless, naïve, not aware of the dangers. To spill some blood was no problem, after all he had done that before. She would suspect nothing, of that he was sure. He would have to exploit that fact for all that it was worth, he knew just where to strike and how, and where to keep her too. There would be no escape this time, he could not wait any longer.

The next day Vanima and Teren met rather early and Vanima had sneaked out, she had put on a dress suitable for riding and she was really looking forward to a day with him. They left the palace and talked as they rode along the paths. Vanima told him of the stories she had read and Teren was really paying attention to her, he found her knowledge fascinating and he on the other hand was telling her of the many animals and plants of the forest and of how the healers used them. They were laughing and joking and Vanima had never felt this happy before, the future suddenly seemed like a glorious day filled with only sunlight and whatever worries she had had were gone like dew for the suns power.

They reached the waterfall by midday, it wasn't very tall but impressive and a very beautiful place. Teren had brought some food and a small flask of wine and they sat on the grass and just relaxed as their horses grazed. Teren told her of his childhood and Vanima had a feeling of having known his forever. Before long they were sharing some very shy and delicate kisses and Vanima thought that she had to be blushing from her head to her feet. She felt so safe with him, and the tentative touches and caresses slowly became bolder. He was really kissing her and Vanima had never thought that it could feel so good, and so frightening at the same time. There was as if some new hunger had awakened within her, one she never had experienced before but it was almost burning and so demanding and it left her without any sort of control. They lay close together on the grass and she felt his body pressed against hers and she could feel that he desired her, there was no doubt about that. She blushed and felt so shy and yet so eager.

Hands were exploring and touching and she wanted it, she wanted to pull him even closer, to let him take her, make her his. She could feel that something deep within her was contracting and she realized that it was her womb, begging to be filled, to bring forth new life. She whimpered, by the Valar, having his child would make her complete, would make them complete. It was suddenly all that she could think about and she gasped and let her hands run through his long dark hair. "Teren, please, I am ready, let us make our vows here and now."

He had been kissing her neck, nuzzling it and she could feel his hot hard breath against her skin. It made her shiver to the bone with an almost burning desire. His hands had already touched her almost everywhere, even slid over the sensitive skin of her upper inner thighs but she needed him elsewhere now. She needed him more than anything and she knew she had been a fool before for having laughed at others when they told of the power of passion. She had thought it was a lie, now she knew that it wasn't. She didn't care if it would hurt, she needed him like she needed air to breathe. Teren moaned and she could feel him pressing his hips against hers, there was no doubt about it, he was more than ready too. "Vanima, I want you too, by the gods I do."

She kissed him eagerly, tried to reach his belt to unbuckle it. "Then do it, let me be yours"

He gasped for air, shuddered. "My dearest, I do not want to hurt you, and if we do it now I have no chance of being able to control myself. You deserve better than that, you deserve to be courted properly, at least for a week or two."

She groaned in frustration, she could almost see their children with her inner eye, lovely dark haired angels begging to be born. "I do not fear pain Teren, don't reject me!"

He kissed her hard. "I am not rejecting you my dear, I am protecting you. One week, please. That is all I ask for. Although I ache for you and your sweet body I would feel like a bastard for having taken advantage of you like this."

Vanima had to swallow a squeak of pure disappointment, she knew that she would conceive if they did it this day, every instinct told her so. The power of the bond growing between them was so very strong, it would ensure the creation of a new soul for sure. "You are not taking advantage of me my love, you know this just as well as I do. I hear our children calling to us, asking to be brought to life."

He nodded, there was a glimpse of immense joy in his eyes. "I hear them too my love, but do not rush things. We have plenty of time, all the time we would ever need."

She had to surrender, his voice was so soft and filled with such love. She smiled and kissed him softly. "Alright then, but no more than a week, promise me that. I don't think I can hide this from my parents any longer."

He grinned and nuzzled her again, his hair tickled her and she giggled and put her arms around him, enjoyed the feeling of his warm hard body. He was no scholar, she could feel how the harsh training had shaped him and the thought of seeing him undressed made her almost drool. "Are you sure that it is the right choice, to keep this from them?"

Vanima giggled. "Yes, it is easier to be forgiven than to get permission isn't it? They will be so shocked, oh I cannot wait to see their faces."

Teren sighed and stared her deep into her eyes. "Are you sure that there won't be any consequences? I mean, if they get really really mad?"

Vanima just laughed. "What sort of consequences? I do not fear being disowned or anything, I can barely stand them and my siblings are so darn posh you could believe they were next to the valar themselves in might and splendor."

Teren laughed and embraced her and they just lay there for a while, still aching from their lack of release but feeling happy still. The skies were darkening with a promise of heavy rain and so they got back onto their horses and rode back towards the palace. Vanima was almost in a daze, she was so happy she felt just plain silly and Teren was making jokes and reaching over between their horses and touching her every now and then. She felt sorry for the fact that they hadn't done it but Teren promised her a real wedding ring and a better bed for their consummation than a somewhat cold meadow, it was no comfortable layer no matter how beautiful it was. She was looking forward to it, their wedding. She was sure it would be just marvelous. The rain started pouring down and when they reached the palace they were both soaking wet but they had barely even noticed that in their state of intense emotions. Teren kissed her outside of the gates and they promised to meet again the next day. Teren went to put the horses on the stable again and Vanima rushed across the courtyard and almost collided with Feanuldo who stared at her in shock. "Dear child, you are soaking wet! By the Valar, you cannot let your mother see you like this, she will be all over you like a bloodhound, demanding to know where you have been and I know you child, you are a lousy liar."

Vanima just giggled and Feanuldo sent her a glance that was a bit worried. "Don't tell me you have…ah…done the deed so to speak?"

She shook her head. "No, he is too much of a gentleelf, but gods, I wanted to."

Feanuldo chuckled and took her by the arm. "I do not doubt that, that fire in your eyes is very telling. But come now, I have a dry cloak you can borrow and a towel too, that hair of yours must be tamed or you will be faced with every sort of question I fear."

She nodded and followed him through the corridors, she would get dry again and then she would return to her own chambers and dream of Teren and that wonderful moment when they finally could become as one.

Teren groomed the horses and then he went to get some food, he was hungry and thirsty and he wanted to speak with Thranduil but he was unavailable. His other friends were out on patrol and the only one he found worthy of a chat was one of the squires with whom he often sparred. The young ellon was if not a close friend at least someone he knew fairly well and they sat there drinking and discussing females for a while before Teren went to his small room to sleep. He was about to pull his clothes off when there was a knock on the door. He went over and opened it and found nobody there but a small note lay on the floor with his name on it and he frowned and picked it up. What was this? He turned the note around and it was neatly folded, he opened it and he could see a very neat written message, it had to be Vanima's handwriting because it was most certainly a females. "Meet me by the old oak by the pond when the moon rises, I have something for you"

Teren just grinned. So his little vixen had not yet given up? Oh he was so tempted, he was aching for her and he knew that it would be too darn easy to fall prey to the temptation. She wanted him, he did not doubt that but they had only know each other for a few days, he felt as though he was rushing headlong into this but was that really such a bad thing? There was no denying it, she was his one, they were meant for each other. Right, he could face a week of constant longing and ache or give in and probably have the night of a lifetime with her. The choice wasn't really that hard to make. He grinned to himself and took a look out at the skies. The moon would rise soon and he grasped some blankets and a pillow and stuffed it into a small bag together with a wineskin and a warm cloak lined with fur. Suddenly he felt very excited and he hurried out through the garden entrance, he didn't want anyone to see him. He was so sure that this was the night, their night. They would spend eternity together and his heart was leaping with joy whenever he thought of that. He speeded up as he approached the old oak, he could see her standing by the pond and he dropped the bag and smiled, she stood there with her back turned to him but he could recognize her no matter where she was. "Vanima?"

Elena had woken from her dreams with a feeling of unease, she saw that her husband had left already, he was always up so early to be able to do his masters bidding and she felt a bit proud of him. He was so good at what he was doing, so dedicated. He would surely be promoted soon, she was certain of it. She got up and got dressed, still that strange feeling lingered and she felt how a weird fear slowly came creeping into her very core. Something was wrong, were her family alright? She walked towards the door when there was a knock on it and Feanuldo entered, he looked a bit pale and confused. Elena cocked her head, it was not like him to just burst into someone's private chambers like that. "Ah my lady, have you seen Vanima? I have some scrolls she asked for and she wasn't in her rooms?"

Elena frowned but she felt how a cold chill ran down her back, her child, something had happened to her child! "No, I haven't seen her since yesterday?!"

Feanuldo bit his lower lip, he looked very worried all of a sudden. "Oh gods, I have to check if…"

He shook his head. "Never mind, I will go looking for her, maybe she has gone to meet some friends or something."

Elena looked confused. "Friends? Does she have friends here?"

Feanuldo cringed, he realized that he maybe had said a bit too much. "Ah, well, she has a friend here, she could be with him."

Elena stared at Feanuldo in shock. "Him?! What are you talking about? Is something going on of which we haven't been informed? Who is it?"

Feanuldo was pale now, he backed away from the rather angry elleth. "My dear lady, I have sworn to not say anything, please do not make me break my oath. I am on my way, worry not, I will find her!"

Elena just gaped as Feanuldo ran out through the door as if he had a balrog at his heels, she had to sit down. What in the name of all the realms was going on, and where was her daughter? If she was just staying with some secret lover Elena wouldn't have felt this strong sensation of dread, something was really very wrong and she gathered her strength and got back on her feet, she would have to find her husband and then they would go looking for her. Elena choked a sob, it didn't matter what she was doing as long as she was safe, Elena could forgive the elleth anything as long as they found her safe and sound. She prayed feverishly to the Valar as she ran to find her husband.

Thranduil was sitting in a meeting with his father and some of the counsellors when Teren's father arrived, he was a bit late and he looked worried. Oropher lifted an eyebrow to indicate that he was far from pleased with the late arrival and the ellon bowed and wiped his brow. "My apologies my lord but I cannot find my son, he isn't in his rooms."

Thranduil had to pinch himself underneath the table to stop himself from giggling. There was no doubt about where Teren where, he was probably resting happily within the arms of his beloved and Thranduil was rather certain that they this day would have a newlywed couple among them. He was wondering if he should get them something, yes, that would be the right thing to do. Teren was after all his best friend, maybe a nice sword? That was a good idea. Oropher made a grimace. "Your son is young, I am sure he will show up again soon, he is probably just having fun with some pretty young thing"

Teren's father grinned but the expression within his eyes was a bit sinister, there was a dark fear there that made Thranduil stare at the ellon again. He felt that unease creep in again and he swallowed hard and shook it away. Nothing was wrong, why should anything be wrong? Soon Teren would appear again, probably as happy as a cat with a huge bowl of cream and Vanima at his side and there would be cheers and congratulations and then things would return to normal. Oropher went on with his discussions and Thranduil was soon paying attention to him and forgot everything about Teren and his newfound love.

A few hours later things had changed, Teren was nowhere to be found and soon they discovered that this also was the case with Vanima, Feanuldo was put under quite a lot of pressure from Vanima's parents and he revealed everything he knew about the two lovebirds and their newly found love. For a while everybody was relieved, the two of them had probably just gone into hiding after having consummated their union, they probably were too scared to tell her parents about it to come forth and although both Elena and her husband was a bit angry with her choice of husband they didn't show it. Teren's father was happy too, he had had no idea that his son was seeing an elleth and that he was serious about it too. He was looking forward to meeting her and Thranduil and Antarar and Langorion joined the group waiting for the two, they were making a lot of jokes and tried to hide their worries. Thranduil found it a bit peculiar, why would Teren hide with her? Teren was no coward and Thranduil would have anticipated him to show up proudly and announce their marriage to everybody. Maybe Vanima was scared of her family's response to her choice? Teren would most certainly support her and give her strength to face them and as the hours passed by everybody got more and more nervous. Some suggested that they maybe had left for Imladris or Lindon and the idea made Elena almost swoon. The forests were not safe any longer and Oropher became visibly worried too. That two young elves disappeared like this was worrisome and he ordered several patrols out to search the area. Accidents do happen and they all feared that something had befallen one of them or both. Feanuldo was close to tears, he told them that he had met her late the evening before and that he had given her his cloak and some dry towels before he followed her to her rooms. After that he had not seen her and he hadn't seen Teren at all.

Thranduil was feeling more and more afraid, the darkness was getting so much closer and he somehow knew that this would end very badly. He didn't like Feanuldo, why he had no idea but he had a feeling that the ellon was a bit false, that he was showing just a little bit too much emotion for it to be real. Where could they be? A servant went through Teren's room and found the note and Oropher immediately sent a patrol towards the old oak, Elena saw the note and claimed that the handwriting looked a lot like her daughters but it wasn't hers. It was too rounded and looked as if someone had tried to copy her daughters writing. That information made everybody feel even more worried.

Nothing was being done that day, everybody was either out looking for the two missing lovers or gathering in small crowds, airing their worries. The sun was setting when one of the soldiers returned in a gallop. He stopped his horse right outside the gate and he was looking as though he had seen a ghost. Oropher rushed forth and grasped the shivering ellon by his elbow, steadied him. "What is it soldier, speak!"

The soldier panted. "Teren, we have found him, he is…"

There was a scream, Teren's father had collapsed and Elena and her husband were close to swooning too. Some servants rushed to their aid, Oropher was very pale by now. He cared deeply for his people and when something happened to someone it became his problem as their king. "What has happened, what about Vanima?"

The soldier gasped for air. "We haven't seen her but there is so much blood, I…"

He turned around and retched and Elena screamed and fell into her husband's arms, Thranduil just stared, his mind blank and his heart beating like drum. Teren was dead? No, it could not be, not Teren, not his cheerful jolly friend who had found true love? It was impossible. Oropher grasped Thranduil by the shoulder. "Come son, we have to go and see for ourselves, saddle our horses!"

Thranduil got a grip on himself. "Yes adar, right away!"

He just ran, not wanting to think about what it was that could have happened to his best friend and Vanima.

Half an hour later Thranduil was standing by the oak, puking until he had emptied his stomach of everything he had eaten for the last days or at least so it felt. He was crying and he wasn't the only one, he had never seen his father look so grim before, nor as scared. The small meadow in front of the mighty old tree was red with blood and it was already stinking. Blood had stained even the branches of the tree and it looked almost as if it had been raining blood there. But that wasn't the worst thing, Thranduil had not been able to understand what it was that he saw at first and he wished that he had remained in that state of ignorance. When he did understand it caused his almost explosive case of vomiting.

One of the healers had followed them and the elderly ellon was in obvious shock. He was shivering and tears were streaming down his cheeks as he examined the sad remains of Teren. The most terrible thing was that the poor ellon's head was almost unharmed and his face had an expression of both shock and disbelief that was just terrible to behold. The healer swallowed hard. "This is really the worst thing I have ever seen, I cannot explain what has happened to him, this should not be physically possible, I hope you all understand that. He has been practically ripped and twisted apart, there isn't a single bone in his body that isn't quite literally pulverized."

Oropher closed his eyes, his breath shallow and unsteady. He could not lose his cools in front of everybody, as a king he would have to remain strong and composed, be the face of true strength. "Did…Did he suffer?"

The healer shook his head. "No, he was dead within seconds, he probably never had time to understand what it was that happened to him. But who or what it was that murdered him I have no idea of."

Oropher almost growled and Thranduil had to close his eyes, he was still nauseous. "I hereby declare a state of emergency, nobody is to leave our realm, nobody is to go anywhere without at least two soldiers escorting them."

Thranduil stared at his father with pleading eyes. "Adar, what could have done this? What about Vanima?"

Oropher tried to smile to his son. "Do not worry Ion nin, we will find her, I am sure of it. She will be alright."

Thranduil felt tears running down his face like ice cold rain. "Don't say that Ada, we both know it, she is probably dead. Only something truly evil could have done something like this, only a servant of Sauron himself!"

Oropher didn't meet his son's glance, he just stared down at the bloodstained grass. "Yes, a servant of evil, but do not let hope die Thran, then evil has truly won."

Thranduil just stared as they wrapped Teren's twisted and mangled body into some blankets, the darkness had fallen and its smothering embrace was choking the very light out of him, he suddenly couldn't stay any longer. He turned around with a yelp and sprang unto his horse, kicked it into a gallop and rode back to the palace with a feeling of having death itself snapping at his heels. Death had come to their realm, to their home and he just knew that the grim reaper wouldn't be satisfied with just one victim. He screamed Teren's name in sorrow and anger and despair as soon as he was out of hearing range from the others, be it the devil itself, he would not rest until Teren was avenged in full and Vanima found, alive or dead. That was a sacred oath and even thought his father had taught him the severity of taking an oath he didn't fear it, this oath would only bring the death of the one or ones responsible for the loss of his best friend. No, he would not be his father's son if he didn't do whatever he could to make sure that Teren could rest in peace. His eyes got hard and ice cold as he rode, the gentle and well behaved young prince was slowly being transformed, what emerged was something new, something that would have frightened his father if he had seen it. Oropher would have seen that expression before, within the eyes of the Fêanorians as they brought death and destruction, bound by that terrible oath they had sworn. But to Thranduil that didn't matter, all that mattered was to forget what he had seen and to find Vanima, he knew that Teren would have wanted him to find her and find her he would, he would never stop searching until he had brought Teren's beloved back and discovered what it was that had happened to them both.


	3. Lost and found

**So, what** has happened to Vanima, and what will happen next? Chose some lines from a song of the band battlelore to start this chapter, it fitted somehow. If you don't know this band check it out, almost all their songs are about Tolkiens world.

**Chapter Three: Lost and found**

  
It's time for heroic deeds  
The gift of courage and steel are your key  
Those with glory shine like stars  
The highest prize is to ride with victory  
  
So many souls follow the path  
Trusting their magic and blades  
There has to be more than that  
Fight with your heart or fail  
  
Ages of war and sorrow  
One needs much to survive  
Danger hiding in the darkness around us  
Your sword is the only law  
Brave enough to challenge your enemy?  
Never underestimate the power of evil  
Those creatures are born to kill  
Trust your blades and black blood will spill

Battlelore: Swordmaster

 

 

She had no idea of where she was, it was so dark and she discovered that she couldn't even move, her hands were tied behind her back and her legs were tied up too. Her head hurt, she fought the feeling of immense panic and tried to determine where she was and what it was that had happened to her. She was feeling as though her head was filled with wool and her shoulders ached, she shivered. Teren? Where was he? Has something happened to him too? The fear was suddenly overwhelming and she fought the need to scream. Think, try to remember!

She closed her eyes, forced herself to take deep measured breaths and control her raging mind. She had gotten a cloak from Feanuldo, and a towel, and they had walked back to her rooms. She had put the cloak on to get warm again and she had bid him goodnight and closed the door. She remembered having walked over to the fireplace and having sat down in a chair to dry her hair and then everything had become rather blurred. She had fallen asleep in that chair? Then why the heck was she lying in the dark tied up like some darn steak? The place stank, a horrific stench that made her even more nauseous and she tried to move around, to determine how much room she had. It wasn't much, she was in a room not that much bigger than a darn coffin and for a second the idea of being buried alive hit her like the blow from a Warhammer.

No, she wasn't buried, but it was utter darkness there and what in the name of Morgoth's rotten teeth was happening? She was so cold and she lay on pieces of broken rock that was digging into her flesh and no matter how she wriggled around she could not find a comfortable position. What was this? She bit her teeth together, tried to pull at the ropes but they were too tight, she could not get out, could not get free. Someone had done this to her, why? She fought her own hysteria with all of her might, there had to be a way out of there. She tried to think, what could possibly stink like that? It was an old smell, nothing fresh but it seemed as though it was coming from the very stones around her. Think Vanima, think!

Then it dawned on her, she remembered what Teren had been talking about on their first ride through the woods, he had told her about the history of the palace itself and he had mentioned that some humans in fact had lived there many years ago. There had been a small village on the same spot where the palace now stood and there had been a tannery there. Vanima took a deep breath, she was in one of the pits that had held the tanning fluid, no wonder it stank. The remains of the village had been buried deep underneath the foundations of the palace and she suddenly felt how the weight of everything above her came pressing down upon her. She panted and counted backwards from one hundred, forced herself to remain cool. Someone had placed her in the basin and then that someone was probably going to return, she would have to use all her strength and courage for she knew that nobody would do this to someone just as a prank. Her life was in danger and she feared that Teren could be in danger too. She had to get out of there to save him.

She had no idea of how long she had been there, it could be hours, it could be days and she knew that her family would be terribly worried, they were most probably looking for her and she felt how tears filled her eyes. They would be so terribly sad if she wasn't found, and Teren? She gasped and made a promise to herself, she had to survive. No matter what, she would survive. The one responsible for this should have to pay for it. She tried to turn around and suddenly she felt something rather sharp against her back, it felt almost like metal and she managed to squirm and bend until her hands reached it. It was hard to determine what it was with her hands tied together but she knew it was metal and it was rather sharp. It felt like a piece of some sort of tool, probably a broken one that had been discarded off and she suddenly felt a glimpse of hope. It could possibly cut through the ropes, it would not go fast but she could manage if she wasn't afraid of cutting herself. She bit her teeth together and started rubbing her wrists against the metal, she did cut herself but the pain was insignificant, something she could not consider. She had to get out of there, she just had to.

The palace was strangely quiet, nobody dared to raise their voice and the fear was visible upon every face. Oropher had sent most of the soldiers out to look for Vanima and the healers were with the families of her and Teren, Thranduil and the rest of the group of friends were on the other hand left alone. The prince was pacing back and forth across the floor of one of the meeting rooms, Antarar was there and a few other young ellyn who were friends of Teren. All were red eyed and pale and Thranduil wanted to explode with rage and grief, throw something fragile at the walls, vent his anger. Instead he kept walking, like a wolf caged within a zoo and nobody dared to even look at him, he was rather intimidating now. Antarar was sobbing softly and he was rocking back and forth, he and Teren had been very close and one of the others leaned over and embraced the mourning young ellon in a tight hug. Thranduil could not offer any comfort, nor did he want to be comforted. He wanted to find the one responsible for this and to find Vanima. Some even had suggested that Vanima had killed Teren, after all she had quite a temper, but the very idea was grotesque. She would never do anything like that and how in the name of the Valar could she have? The one who had killed Teren had been so much stronger than an elf, stronger than even a troll. He wondered what sort of monster it could have been and where was she? There was a good chance that she was dead, ripped to shreds like he had been but Thranduil didn't want to think about it. He had lost a good friend, he didn't want to think that Teren's beloved had suffered the same fate.

Oropher had forbidden Thranduil to leave the palace, he could not go against his father's direct order and it made him terribly frustrated. He knew that his father feared for his safety and could understand it but he felt so useless. He should be out there, looking for her. It felt as though he was betraying Teren by not doing anything practical. He had cried when he returned to his rooms, collapsed onto the bed and been in shock. But it had subsided and now he felt just cold, like his heart had been replaced by a huge chunk of ice. He clenched his fists, his fingernails cut into his palms and he forced back a sob, it came out as more of a growl. He knew that Teren's father had suffered a complete breakdown and Vanima's family were on the verge of going insane from sheer worry. He pitied them all, but he should be out there, searching for her, not being cooped up in this palace like some precious and fragile trinket! He was trained as a warrior damn it and he was among the best swordsmen ever, he could defend himself. He kept pacing across the floor until his feet hurt so bad he had to sit down, then he sat there tapping his fingers against the arm rests of the chair until the others there just stared at him. They didn't dare say anything, they would rather awaken a sleeping dragon than risk unleashing Thranduil's temper at this moment. He was on the verge of exploding and nobody wanted to see that, if he ever became king he would most certainly become a very terrifying one.

Vanima did feel blood running down her hands, it hurt like hell but she kept sawing away at the ropes, it didn't go fast but she could feel that the rope slowly became weakened. She felt sweat running down her body, her position was very uncomfortable and it made her muscles ache like nothing she had ever felt. She was panting, feverishly working with the rope, then suddenly she heard something, a scraping sound and she froze. It could be nothing more than a rat but it could also be her captor coming to gloat or even worse, finish her off. She hid her arms underneath her, tried to look beaten. There was light, it hurt her eyes but it was also in a way comforting. There was still light in the world, it wasn't the end itself.

She squinted, there was a small opening at the base of the coffin-like hole she was stuffed into, the light came streaming from that opening and she could see something moving beyond it. Something dark and she forced herself to breathe. Whoever or whatever it was, it was studying her and she saw the shimmer of a pair of very cold eyes which were staring at her with the hunger of a predator. Vanima wished that she had known more prayers, that she had been a better daughter for her parents, this creature wanted her blood and life and she was defenseless. The creature chuckled and she cringed at the sound, it was terrible. It sounded as if someone was pulling their fingernails down a blackboard, it just hurt listening to it. "So, here we are my pretty one, oh I know you are curious but fear not. I will show you the true meaning of this soon enough. I just don't think you will like it very much."

The voice was just as awful, it was so cold, so distorted. And yet she somehow found it familiar in a very creepy way, she just could not identify it. She swore and the creature chuckled once more. "Just fight little one, I love the defiant ones. I bet your screams will be exquisite and then you will be only mine, both your body and your soul. You will serve me and my master forever, consider yourself honored."

Vanima felt cold tears running down her cheeks, never. She would never serve darkness, alive or in death. There had to be a way out of this terrible situation. The creature moved away, the light went with him and it was almost a relief, she didn't have to see him anymore. Vanima swallowed hard, stared out into the darkness. There was a scent in the air, one she recognized and yet it could not be? Or could it! Oh by the Valar, it could, she felt herself shiver to the bone. She had always found that scent comforting but now it told her the awful truth.It had become even more important that she got out of there alive, they did have a monster among themselves, hidden in plain view. The truth hit her like lightening and she felt sick and betrayed and more than anything else horrified. It hadn't been accidents and just bad luck, it had been his plan the whole time. Who could possibly resist the power of the dark lord and come out of it unscathed? She wriggled herself into position again and started her tedious work of sawing away at the rope once more.

He had fooled them, tricked them all, her too. She could not believe that she had trusted him but now she had to warn everybody of his true nature and it felt so bitter. She had confided in him, trusted him like a brother. The blood made her hands slick and she often missed and cut herself even more but she continued working with determination, she could not fail. Teren, had something happened to him too? Had this monster disguised as one of the eldar hurt him too? There was a great chance for that and the very idea made her moan and work even faster. She had to get out of there. The walls of the small chamber were closing in around her and she felt as though the very air was tainted by evil and darkness, she could barely breathe. It felt as if every breath of air tainted her, stained her very soul and brought her closer to darkness itself, she was fighting her hysterical fear and tears were flowing down her cheeks. She had already lost a lot of blood but she could not hesitate, she had to get out of there. She had only this one chance, she had to be gone before that thing returned.

She prayed as she pushed her hands back and forth against the piece of metal, the rough sound was almost reassuring, she didn't hear the silence and didn't feel the darkness so well, keep pushing, keep sawing, her inner voice was pleading her and she groaned and blessed her own stubbornness. She had always had a strong will, not it served her well. Then suddenly she felt something snap, she gasped and pulled and slowly her hands came free from the rope but it hurt like hell. The blood was circulating once more and it felt as though her fingers were about to explode. She whimpered in pain and started working on the rope around her legs. She did find the knot but it was terribly hard and she broke her fingernails trying to open it but it didn't matter. She was desperate to get out of there, finally she was free and pushed herself out of the small hole. It was dark there, she knew from what direction he had come and she let her hand graze the wall and followed it with slow tiny steps. She soon found a door, made from wood and very solid. She pulled at it and it didn't budge, not even an inch. It was locked and she bit her lips to stop a scream from emerging from the very deep of her soul. No, she could not be locked in, there had to be a way out.

Vanima was a clever elleth, she knew a lot and she bent down, ripped a piece of her tunic and found a piece of rock, hit it against another one. Some rocks would create sparks when being hit and she tried several times before she found one that did. The tiny sparks didn't last for more than a second but for the keen eyes of an elf that was enough. She found a small piece of metal and after some attempts she managed to set fire to the piece of cloth. It would not last for long but she managed to take a look at her prison. It was a very narrow and low corridor with several chambers like the one she had been in on the sides, her eyes were desperately searching for a way out. She suddenly saw it, a small ventilation shaft up by the roof in a corner. It was so small and probably extremely unstable but she had to take the chance. She could not be down there when that monster returned. She ran over to the corner, it would be a very tight fit indeed and maybe too tight but she had to try. She got rid of her tunic and her pants too, she could not wear anything that might make her snag on something and she had only a pair of undies on as she jumped up and pushed herself into the dark opening. She had to abandon her primitive torch and it was pitch black. If something blocked the shaft she was doomed, she could not crawl back out and she whimpered with fear but kept crawling, she could not even pull her arms in underneath her, she had to keep her body stretched out and she tried not to think about the things she was crawling through, dust, dead rats and mice, spiders and other bugs. Desperately she forced her way forward, some places it was so tight she couldn't breathe but she didn't hesitate, fear and adrenaline gave her strength far beyond normal and she just knew that far up there she would find light again, and safety. She could not stop now, she had to continue fighting. The fight was all that she had left now, all she could trust in.

Thranduil and the other ellyn had wandered into the garden, there were many elves gathering there now, some were singing laments to Teren's honor and memory while others just sat there, some weeping and others staring out into nothing as if they were asleep. Thranduil sat down by one of the old fountains that adorned the small garden, it was ancient and not very pretty but the solid stone felt almost comforting underneath his touch. It was so real, so solid. He sighed and cursed his father's orders again, the soldiers had not found a single trace of her and Thranduil was starting to wonder if she may not be that far away after all. Why he did not know, it was some sort of instinct. If the note Teren had gotten was a fraud then why should she have been out there in the woods with him when he was killed? She had perhaps never even left the palace! He had told the palace guards to go searching every nook and cranny and they did but they didn't find anything, yet he could not free himself from this aching sensation of having overseen something.

The dark haired ellon which was such a close friend to Vanima's family came walking, he looked very sad and he was red eyed and his shoulders were slumping forward, he looked like a truly broken soul but Thranduil couldn't help it, he felt a strange sort of antagonism towards the poet. It was almost as if he could smell something abnormal when the ellon was close by. Thranduil shook his head and tried to forget about the things he had seen. The healers would have a terrible job preparing Teren's body for its funeral, he had looked absolutely grotesque and Thranduil still felt the taste of bile in his mouth when he thought about it. To see the mangled body of an eldar was always horrible, to know that the immortality had been ripped away and stolen from someone who should have been singing and loving and lived in the sun forever. Thranduil wasn't aware of it but he was soon humming along to some of the laments, it felt like the right thing to do, he was trying to honor his friend in whatever way he could.

Vanima had almost gotten stuck a couple of times but she had managed to crawl through the shaft for hours or so it seemed, she could see something that had to be a faint light up ahead and her heart was racing. She had managed to squirm her way through corners and bends and even though she felt weak and terribly scared she was as determined as ever to get out of there. She pushed herself forward and saw a small opening, it was just a few inches across and she sobbed and pushed herself forth, until her face was pressed against the small hole. It was just so big that she could see through it and she was staring at a garden, she heard singing and saw feet which were parading by. She took a deep breath, she had to let them know she was there! She was about to scream when she noticed a pair of very nice grey boots a short distance away, she immediately froze. He was there, the thought made her sick to the bone and she felt herself shiver all over. She could not let anyone know of her whereabouts until he was gone! He would kill her if they found her now, she would not have time to warn them at all. She tried to take a look around, there were another pair of boots even closer, the person had to sit on whatever it was she was underneath. The boots were expensive, made from the finest leather and she could just see an embroidered beech in silver on the side of the boot closest to her. The symbol of the house of Oropher, this had to be Thranduil. Vanima was thinking fast, she knew that he and Teren were close, Teren had told her that. He had probably also told the prince of what they had been doing and she hoped that her beloved had told Thranduil of her attempts at mimicking birds. Her lips were cracked and her throat dry but she sucked on her tongue, managed to wet her mouth enough for her to whistle. It was a very faint sound, almost nothing at all and she just hoped that he could hear her.

Thranduil was sitting there, humming and trying to relax his raging mind when he heard something odd, a very weak sound like a bird singing but far away. He raised his chin, stared at the trees, it was back again, but he saw no birds? And the sound was weird, off somehow. What kind of bird made such sounds? He tried to pretend as if nothing was off, he didn't want to look like a complete moron, listening for birdsong when they were mourning his very best friend. It was a blue winged fly catcher, the type indigenous to the rivers and he suddenly felt ice cold. He remembered what Teren had told him of Vanima's failed attempt at mimicking those birds. The tunes ended just the way Teren had shown him, all wrong. Thranduil took a deep breath, covered his face with his hands, was he going in sane or was this real? Could it be that her spirit somehow was able to reach the world of the living? Had she become a houseless soul, a lingerer?

He felt tears swelling up in his eyes, if that was the case then this was beyond tragic. That he sat there looking distraught was no wonder, nobody reacted to that considering the circumstances. The sound came back again and he frowned, it sounded as if it came from the ground itself? What the heck? He could not go down on his knees starting to listen for birdsong? The others would believe that he finally had lost it completely. He straightened his robe and then he reached down, pulled off his left boot as if his sock had gotten wrinkled or something. As he was bent down he tried to listen and the sound came from the base of the old fountain. He pulled at his sock, wriggled his toes and bent down so far he could see the rock underneath him. There was a hole in it, he had not seen it before and the sound of the birdsong came from it. He let his long hair fall forward, it covered and shielded his face and he whispered with a thin and rather shivering voice. "Vanima?!"

There was a squeak, then he heard a voice whispering. "It is I, I am in a shaft underneath this thing, but do not let anyone know it. It was Feanuldo who did this to me, he is in the service of the dark lord.!"

Thranduil had a hard time not revealing what he was thinking at this moment, he felt how his heart suddenly was beating with great force and he felt his mouth go dry. If this was true the ellon was very dangerous and he could not risk the lives of others by exposing him like this. He pulled the sock back on, took the boot and shook it. "I'll get you out, just hang in there!"

He whispered the words fast and got up, tried to find a way to get everybody out of the garden without making Feanuldo suspicious. He walked into the halls behind the garden, his mind racing. He suddenly saw Oropher walking towards him and he rushed forward, the king stared at his son who was wild eyed and pale. "Vanima, she is in the garden, underneath the old fountain. It was Feanuldo who did it, he cannot know where she is."

Oropher raised an eyebrow and stared at his son in disbelief but the desperate look within Thranduil's blue eyes told him that this was the truth and not some mad and crazy hallucination. He nodded and Thranduil bit his lower lip. "Please, we have to get everybody out of there, now!"

The king nodded and then he put up his most regal expression, he got one of the servants to come to him and pointed at the people gathered in the garden. "I think we shall hold a real ceremony tonight, to pray for them both. Ask my butler to open a barrel of good wine and get the kitchen staff to serve some food, we will decorate the garden and then we will gather everybody there."

The servant bowed and ran off and Oropher waited for a few minutes before he wandered into the garden, he looked somber and sad and raised his arms to ask for silence. "My brethren, my friends. Tonight we will hold a mourning ceremony for our lost brother, we will use this garden and I must bid thee leave it now as my servants will start to decorate it soon. There will be some wine and food served in the dinner hall soon, feel free to go there and drink to his honor."

Thranduil stood behind Oropher, his eyes glued to the ground and he looked out of the corner of his eye as everybody left, Feanuldo included. Oropher called for more servants and then he had the entrance to the garden locked securely.

Thranduil didn't waste any time, he ran over to the fountain and fell to his knees, he stared at the small hole and saw a pair of desperate eyes staring back at him. She tried to stretch a hand out through the hole and he could barely contain a gasp at the sight of her bloody swollen and cut wrist. He grasped her hand, felt it shiver and he felt so deeply sorry for her. "Do not worry, we will get you out of there soon. "

She whimpered and Oropher barked an order. Some of the servants came with chisels and hammers and before long they were hammering away at the rock. Vanima had closed her eyes to protect them and she was shivering like a leaf in the wind. She was so close, so close. She was desperate to get out of there. They broke away pieces of rock and worked desperately fast and suddenly a large piece of the base fell off and an opening appeared, large enough for her. Thranduil reached in, grasped her hands and didn't mind the blood at all. He pulled her out of the hole even though it was almost too small, sharp rocks cut into her chest and hips but with a whimper she was out of the hole and found that she was unable to stand up. Her body felt numb, almost gone and her heart was beating in a weird rhythm. It was as if she really wasn't able to believe that she was free again and Thranduil held her and stared at her with huge eyes. She looked awful, bloody, covered with dust and grime and she was more or less naked. He blushed and pulled off his cloak, wrapped it around her.

She shivered and panted and he saw the terrible fear in her eyes. "Feanuldo, he kidnapped me, he is evil! A servant of Sauron! You must stop him but be aware, he is probably very powerful."

Oropher sent Thranduil a swift glance out of the corner of his eye and the prince shook his head discretely, they hadn't told her yet. "I know dear, but relax, we will deal with him."

Oropher turned to the servants. "Take her to the baths and then to the healers, she has got to get rid of all that dirt before her wounds become infested."

The servants just bowed and Vanima whimpered, she didn't feel safe at all. "Please, until he is caught, give me a guard?"

Oropher stared at her with pity, no wonder she was terrified. He smiled gently, happy that she was alive, that they hadn't lost two young elves. "Of course child, Thranduil, pick out two of the palace guards, follow her to the baths."

Thranduil smiled and tried to hide his sorrow, she didn't know yet, how were they to tell her the truth? Vanima sighed with relief and then it came, the inevitable question. "Teren, where is he? He must be told that I am here, that I am alive?"

Thranduil felt that his throat constricted, that he was unable to make a single sound. He just stared down at the ground feeling how tears were filling his eyes once more and the servants swallowed hard and stared away too. Vanima looked at them, at the weird expressions, the sorrow in their eyes and the strange way they acted, as if they really didn't want to talk to her. Thranduil caught her eyes for a second, she could see tears in his and then it dawned on her, it struck her like lightening and she felt how her legs gave way underneath her. She heard a scream but she didn't realize that it was her own until Oropher slapped her across her face just to calm her down. "No, no, no, it isn't true, he isn't dead, he can't be dead, Valar say it isn't true!"

Thranduil grasped her again, lifted her as if she was a mere child. "I'll take her to the baths and the healer afterwards, go find that bastard adar, and please, make him suffer!!"

Oropher reached out, rearranged the cloak so that it better preserved her modesty, there was something very tender in his eyes. "Yes son, I most certainly will!"

Vanima felt as though she was crawled into a nightmare, her body was aching all over, she was feeling very dizzy and scared and Teren was dead? It was unreal, he had been there, alive and well just hours ago? She tried to suppress a wail of sheer grief and disbelief but failed to, it forced its way out and Thranduil sighed and pressed her against his own body as he swiftly carried her off, he just wished that there was something he could have done to put her mind at ease.

She had escaped, he felt it, smelt it. He didn't even have to go down there, she was out. How was that possible? Well, that little wench was resourceful and strong, that was why he had chosen her in the first place. But he could not lose her, the time was drawing near, he had to make sure that he got what was his at the right moment. Now, where could she be? If those darn soldiers had found her they would most certainly bring her to the healers, but that place was always filled with elves, too many for him to subdue easily. He wasn't so strong yet that he could overpower that many, but he would be, as soon as her soul was his to control. He could hear racket, running feet and he was sure he heard a female scream, he grinned. Ah, they would of course bathe her, she had to look awful if she had managed to escape his clutches. The old tannery was a nice hiding place but it had its weaknesses, there was no denying that. So the little bitch had managed to get out of there, he wondered how but it did not matter that much. What mattered was that he got his hands on her again and this time nothing would stand in his way. He saw that servants and soldiers were scurrying around, luckily he knew that there were lots of lesser used passageways through the palace, those the servants usually used. He quickly disappeared into one of them, there was no time to waste.

Vanima was half hysterical and half paralyzed, she just hang there in his arms as though she was dead and her eyes were huge and dark. Thranduil feared that she could fade from this, had the two of them completed the bond? Then she most certainly would, a bond so freshly made would be unbreakable, the death of one of the two would most certainly pull the other after into the halls too. He tried to remain calm for her sake, whispered soothing words but she was still sobbing in wild heaving gasps. The baths were huge and there were several pools with hot water. Thranduil stopped by one of them and two of the female servants immediately stripped and grasped Vanima gently but with firmness. She staggered between them into the water and Thranduil and the guards turned their backs to the bathing females, he felt that his cheeks were burning, she was indeed very shapely and he understood why Teren had been so eager to consummate the union. He really wondered if his friend had.

Vanima slowly relaxed, not because she felt any better but the hot water did some magic to her aching body, whence the pain subsided the grief really kicked in and she was sobbing and screaming and calling out his name over and over again as the ellith washed her with soft and gentle hands. They poured oil into her hair and combed it, washed her torn wrists and even if it burned and did sting she didn't care. He was dead, he was gone. What had she done to deserve something like that? It was terrible! She should just have let Feanuldo kill her, maybe she would meet Teren again. She just wanted to crawl into a small ball and let herself fade, she didn't really care about anything anymore. Then something happened, something very unexpected. The guards were standing a bit further away from the pool, they stood there talking quietly between themselves and all of a sudden someone came rushing forth with a terrible speed and attacked. Vanima recognized him immediately and screamed in utter terror, she fell back into the water and the servants struggled to hold her. The guards fell, Feanuldo was perhaps a poet but he hadn't been a poet for all his life, he had been a warrior and the skills he had learned while being captured came into good use. He felled those two elves with ease as they didn't have time to react at all. Feanuldo had a very good sword, where he had gotten it was anyone's guess but he knew how to use it and his eyes were glowing in a terrifying red nuance which really showed everybody watching that he no longer was an elf but something monstrous. Thranduil had reacted on instinct, he had drawn his own blade and it was a very good one, given to him by his father. It was crafted by the high elves of the second age and he knew he was a good fencer but was he good enough? The monster laughed. "Step out of my way princeling, and maybe I will spare your life, for a while at least"

Vanima was sitting in the pool, her head barely above water since her legs were unable to carry her and the two servants had ran to the back of the pool, utterly terrified. Thranduil growled. "You killed my best friend, and tried to murder his beloved, it is you who should fear me monster!"

Feanuldo just laughed and attacked, so fast he almost became a blur, but his blade was met with a clang and Thranduil spun and delivered a nasty cut to the poets forearm. He knew that it wouldn't do, this creature had to be destroyed completely to be dead. Feanuldo hissed and the two combatants were soon engaged in a fierce swordplay, metal grinded against metal, the movements swift and elegant like a leafs dance across the meadows and yet deadly. Thranduil had been trained by the best and he knew that his technique was superior to Feanuldo's but the servant of Sauron had dirty tricks up his sleeve and many of them were vicious. Thranduil knew he couldn't win if he continued to play fair so he started using tricks of his own.

Vanima was close to passing out from sheer fear, she prayed that Thranduil would win. It was a hard fight and somehow the prince managed to block Feanuldo's access to the pool over and over again, the monster was getting frustrated. He started to use his magic and Thranduil realized that he couldn't survive this if he didn't become just as mean as his opponent. He feigned fatigue, staggered back a few steps and Feanuldo hissed and followed, he had been reading the monster well. He acted just like an orc would and Thranduil brazed himself, what he was about to do would hurt but he had no choice if he was to save Vanima. There were lamps placed along the edge of the pool, tall metal poles held them up and they were filled with oil. When Feanuldo reached forth with a dangerous thrust Thranduil threw his torso out of the way and grasped one lamp with his bare hand. It was red hot and he roared in pain but lifted the heavy metal lamp off the floor and threw it at Feanuldo. The burning oil rained over the beast and his clothes and hair caught fire immediately. Feanuldo reared back, roaring with rage and Thranduil didn't waste the opportunity at all. He jumped forward, swung his sword in an elegant tight curve and it cut through the possessed elf's neck like it had been made from butter. There was a shrieking sound, and the head fell to the ground with a sickening thud as the body collapsed, spraying black blood around while it twitched in its final death spasms.

Thranduil panted, stared at the dead body with huge eyes, he had done it, he had killed the monster and he wasn't even hurt. The door at the back of the bath burst open and the king and some more guards came running. "We heard screams and thought that…oh Valar!"

Thranduil just grunted and wiped the sweat from his forehead. "I guess he lost his head, just let him burn, I bet he has to get used to flames."

Oropher stared at his son with some new found respect. "Are you alright?"

Thranduil nodded and turned around, Vanima was still in the water, she was panting hysterically and the females rushed back and grasped her. Thranduil sheathed his sword and got some towels, went down to the pool with his eyes on the ground and the ellith grasped them and wrapped Vanima up. She was still shivering, staring at the burning body. As they brought her by it she spat at it and then she started to cry again. Oropher was shocked but he hid it well. "Take her to the healers and tell her parents she is alright, at least physically that is. And someone stand guard over this cadaver until it is reduced to ashes, keep it burning."

Thranduil just stared at his father for a second before he hurried after the ellith, he wanted to know what the healers would do with her, and if there was a way to save her from suffering from trauma later on. The healers were waiting and they immediately forced her to drink a sedative before they rinsed and stitched up her torn wrists. Thranduil just stood there, watching the whole time. He had lost his friend and he would be damned if he allowed anything to happen to Teren's beloved too. It wasn't before Vanima fell asleep that he finally felt how his own body was shaking with the after effects of his fight, the adrenaline was leaving him and he had to sit down and stare at his own hands. His left palm was burned and the healers put some ointment on it and wrapped it in soft bandages, he didn't even think about the pain. He was shivering and had a hard time believing that he actually had done it, that he had killed that creature. But he had and they were safe once more. Vanima's family arrived and he left the room in silence, let them rejoice in peace.

The next day Teren was buried, Thranduil and the rest of his friends were there and so were most of the other elves too. He had been a very beloved person and having lost him was heartbreaking too many. Thranduil saw many ellith who were crying their eyes out and he felled some tears too. Teren's father was pale and almost unable to stand on his feet, Oropher had ordered him to sail, if he stayed he would most certainly fade and Thranduil knew that they would send him off with an escort in just a couple of days. It made him feel very sad indeed. He spent the day with Antarar and the others but nobody was able to speak, they just sat there, caught by their own grief and sorrow. Oropher was busy, he was worried that perhaps Feanuldo had left dark spells behind and he had asked some of the more wise and experienced elves to come and go through the palace just to make sure. Thranduil was left to his own device these days and he had plenty of time to think. It was so unfair, so terribly so. Teren had been so happy, so full of life. Where was the justice in this? Why where the gods so cruel?

He didn't hear anything about Vanima for days except from the fact that the healers kept her sedated to let her fêa rest. He wasn't sure of what he should do, of how he should approach her. He wanted to show her his compassion and sorrow, to offer his condolences but he didn't dare to go to her. Her family was there and he didn't want them to get the wrong idea. The healers told him she was getting better but she was far from well, physically she was healing, but her soul was probably scarred for life. They feared that she would fade, that she would just lay down and will herself to die. Thranduil thought that it would be a complete tragedy, she had such fire, such spirit. Watching her fade would be like watching the sun itself die in the heavens.

Vanima didn't leave the healers ward for two whole weeks, they forced her to eat, forced her to sleep while she just sat there, numb and frozen. She didn't feel, she didn't think, all she did was exist and it felt like some dark spell had been cast upon her. Why was she alive? What was the point? Finally she was allowed to get up, to move around. She was so weak and had lost so much weight and she seemed to have lost her spark completely. She hardly ever spoke, and when she did her voice was a mere whisper. Her parents were in despair, she had been a handful but now she had become so silent and indifferent it was frightening. How on arda were they going to get their dragon of a daughter back?

Vanima finally managed to gather enough strength to go to Teren's grave, she felt as though she had to. She went there one evening and she was shocked when she saw that someone already was there, kneeling by it. There were fresh flowers placed on it and she recognized the ellon right away. He had saved her, she could not just forget that. She wanted to leave but he noticed her and turned around, wiped his face with his sleeve and she realized that he had been crying. He had been very fond of Teren too and she remembered that Teren had told her that he and the prince had been friends for most of their lives.

Thranduil bowed his head politely, shocked by her appearance. "My lady"

She just gave him a faint smile and kneeled down next to him, laid some flowers onto the grave. Thranduil tried to break the awkward silence. "It is so hard to really accept that he is gone. He has always been there with his jokes and pranks and silly comments."

Vanima tried to choke a sob but she couldn't. "I only knew him for a few days and yet I feel like my life is over too, I miss him so much."

Thranduil swallowed. "You were meant for each other, two parts of a whole. Of course you feel that way."

She tried to smile. "You are understanding, thank you for your kind words."

Thranduil sighed. "It is the truth Vanima, you and Teren would have been so happy together. I am sure of it."

She closed her eyes. "Yes, I regret that we didn't bond completely."

He bit his lip, looked a bit worried. "Then you would most probably have died too!"

Vanima hit the loose soil with her hand. "Not with his child growing in me I wouldn't, I would have had something of him left, and now he is all gone!"

She was gasping and tears were streaming down her face once more, the grief felt so fresh, so raw. Thranduil didn't really know what to say to her. "So, are you to return to your home soon?"

Vanima sighed and shook her head. "How can I? It doesn't feel like home anymore, not with him resting here. But I guess I have to go anyhow, my parents want me to return and they want to marry me off, they think that it will make me forget about Teren but how can I ever?"

Thranduil was a bit shocked by her words. "Oh, that is a bit insensitive I would say. "

She nodded, staring down at the ground with tears streaming down her face like rivers of silver. "Yes, but they do think they know what's best for me."

Thranduil swallowed, grasped her sleeve and made her look at him. "Where is she, the she dragon that I met in the garden that night, the one that shocked me?"

Vanima just sighed. "Dead, gone with him, she is no more my prince, just a shell. And soon I will have to leave here for good and what I had with Teren will become just a memory."

She broke down, hid her face within her hands and sobbed. Thranduil felt terrible, confused and filled with sorrow. Then it suddenly hit him, a solution to her problem, and to his. One they both could benefit from. He grasped her hand, she stared at him in confusion and a bit of intimidation. "Vanima, I know that you don't want to marry the one your family has picked out for you and I have the same problem. My ada has given me just a year to find an elleth to marry and there is nobody here who have caught my interest."

She frowned. "What are you saying?"

He took a deep breath. "Marry me Vanima!"

She gasped and backed away from him, eyes wide and mouth open. "You are mad!"

He shook his head vigorously. "No, not at all. Think about it, you don't have to leave this place, I will not force you to become my wife for real, all you have to do is to say the words and that's it. Your family will be pleased, my family will be pleased and we can both go on with our lives as we please?"

She stared at him, her chin trembling and she just stared at his pleading eyes. He looked down. "Teren was my best friend Vanima, there isn't anything that I wouldn't do for him. As my wife you will be safe, you will be in power and others will listen to you. You are so wise Vanima, so smart. I cannot think of anyone more suitable to become a princess."

She still just stared, her heart beating like a drum in her chest. What was he really saying? She could stay there? Suddenly the idea was more than tempting, more than good, she didn't want to return to her home, to be the victim of the well-meaning but choking care of her huge family. They would pity her and comfort her and treat her like a child and she could not stand the very idea of it. It made her feel trapped again, like the walls of that tiny chamber were closing around her once more. She breathed fast, her body shivering, becoming the princess of Greenwood? Thranduil's wife? She had loathed him, seen him as nothing but a spoiled brat but she had seen how he cared for his friends, how far he was willing to go to protect her. She had seen his grief and knew that she had been very wrong about him. She managed to get her tongue back under control. "If I answer yes, will you let me continue my studies? Let me be just me and not some pampered lady of the court?"

He nodded eagerly. "Of course!"

Vanima closed her eyes, took a deep breath and knew she had somehow sealed her fate in the moment she opened her mouth. "Then I say yes, I will marry you!"

Thranduil smiled but the smile was somehow sad. "This is not how I imagined that I would propose to my future wife but I am glad, I will go tell my father immediately and he will make the necessary arrangements with your parents. They will not say no when the king himself comes to them and delivers such a message."

Vanima took a deep breath and suddenly she felt strangely safe, and yet utterly bitterly sad. "No they won't"

Her voice was a mere whisper and he took her hand very gently and kissed it. "Don't fear Vanima, it will be alright, I am sure it will be everything we could possibly want."

She stared down at the ground, frightened by the cold she felt rush through her heart. There was nothing more to do, but at least he would allow her to mourn in peace. He got on his feet, gave her his hand so she could get up too and Vanima had to smile, a bittersweet smile. Her parents would be thrilled, their daughter a princess? They would be overjoyed! She felt as if she was the sacrificial lamb and the future the altar onto which she was being placed ready for the slaughter but why care? Her life was no longer of any importance to her so why not just go with the flow and see where it would take her. After all, she no longer cared if she was to live or die.  


	4. The heart I once had

**So,** Vanima is going to be married to Thranduil and I think she has taken a step from the ashes and into the fire, she is just not yet aware of it. Her destiny is going to be so very different from what she had hoped for. The future is dark indeed. I thought I would start this chapter with  lyrics from the song underneath by Nightwish, it belongs to them as the characters except my own belong to Tolkien. The song just fitted perfectly to her feelings and future

**Chapter four: The heart I once had**

For the heart I'll never have,  
For the child forever gone  
The music flows because it longs  
For the heart I once had.  
  
Living today without a way  
To understand the weight of the world.  
Faded and torn, old and forlorn  
My weak and hoping heart.  
  
For the child, for the night  
For the heart I once had  
I believe and foresee  
Everything I could ever be.

 

**_Nigthwish: For the heart I once had._ **

 

 

 

So it was to happen, it was determined and arranged within the span of just a couple of days. Vanima felt as though she was in some sort of trance, she was unable to really understand what it was that was going on. Oropher came to her parents and made the official announcement needed and they agreed, why wouldn't they. In fact they were thrilled and if they had at all cared about the fact that she had lost her true love just a few days earlier they didn't show it. Vanima just sat there receiving congratulations, her father was so happy he almost wept and her mother was ecstatic. She found their joy disrespectful and disgusting but she didn't say anything, she just sat there like some doll and was made pretty.

The realm was shocked by the sudden events, not only the death of one of their own young but now the prince was to marry the deceased ellon's beloved? Surely they understood on some level but it still made them a bit confused. Vanima was unable to hang in there, it just went too fast. She regretted her decision rather fast but she was bound by her words and she just hoped that this marriage would give her the freedom she so yearned for. He saw her as a solution, and he did perhaps feel that he owed to his friend to keep her safe and happy. She didn't know, all she knew was that she wanted the whole thing to be over with, so she could get some order back into her life. She knew that his chambers were being prepared for her arrival, that she from now on never would have to worry about her physical welfare. Her soul on the other hand was a whole different case. She was unable to really get engaged in the things that were going on, her mind felt numb and she allowed the others to take all the decisions needed for the wedding.

The grief was still fresh and raw, it still made her weep when she was alone and she knew that it would be a part of her forever. The day arrived and she was bathed and her hair was being braided and she was put into a very beautiful green dress with golden embroideries and small crystals attached to the bodice. She saw herself in the mirror and saw someone who wasn't herself, she did see a mirage, a fantasy. Her mother was crying and hugging her and she tried to at least look as though she was happy but it was very hard. As she sat there in Oropher's office awaiting the start of the ceremony she knew that her life never would be what she had hoped that it would, her prayers were unanswered and she felt a deep sting of bitterness.

She had no idea of what Oropher had said when Thranduil told him of his choice but she felt somehow that he had his doubts. He probably knew that his son had chosen her out of respect for Teren and just to have it all over with. Oropher could have protested but he didn't, he knew that he could protect his son just to a certain point, some mistakes were inevitable and if he wasn't allowed to make them then how was he ever to learn? Oropher wished them both all the good in the world and hoped that the Valar would smile at the couple although he had his doubts. Vanima had been a real fury with a flaming temper and he knew that his son too could be rather difficult. But fate would decide its own course, not even the gods could control her.

Vanima didn't own much, and that morning everything was being moved over to the chambers that from now on were theirs, no longer just his. She had watched everything being packed up and moved and it made it real to her, it was really happening. She closed her eyes and gathered her strength, put up a fake smile and got up from the chair, let the servant lead the way towards the great hall. Her father was walking by her side and she felt like sobbing, this was not how it was supposed to be, no, not at all. But what choice did she have? Had she refused she would have had to marry the young ellon who had asked for her hand and that would have been a life of utter boredom. She had no respect for him whatsoever. She raised her eyes when she reached the hall, he was standing up there, waiting for her and she had to admit that he was such a majestic and handsome creature. He did really look regal and she felt that she could at least understand him, that they perhaps could learn to at least live together in peace. She managed to smile at him and she stood there and heard the words that were being exchanged. She answered, said her vows and heard him repeat them, saw her mother cry some more and then she was showered with blessings and well wishes.

Thranduil kissed her, it was a very gentle and almost chaste kiss and it took all of her self-discipline to not pull away from him, instead she hid her face behind her hair, pretending to be kissing him back. If there ever was a fake wedding it was this one. He took her hand and they went down from the dais and sat down by the table, everybody was gathered there and the mood was high. There were toasts and speeches and she sat there grinning like some moron and if someone thought she looked a bit weird it was perhaps not so strange, after all, it was her wedding day and she was to become a princess. It could make anyone nervous. She didn't have any appetite at all but forced herself to eat. She had to toast a lot and with an empty stomach she would have gotten drunk very fast. The evening did become a blur in front of her eyes, she really could not recall much of it later on. Thranduil sat by her side and he would sometimes touch her hand affectionately and she could almost believe that he did feel anything special for her then. That he maybe had a heart after all.

The party went on and she had to dance with him, luckily she had learned to dance and she had always loved it. She was very athletic and a good dancer and so she enjoyed that bit, he was good too and if this hadn't been her own wedding she would have had a very good time. He was an amazing dance partner and when they finally stopped she felt her feet ache and she was sweaty. It was getting late and she was getting nervous. He had said that she didn't have to become his wife for real, but had he meant it? And if he had that in turn would cause some problems, since it was a royal wedding everybody would anticipate that the sheets would be hung out the next morning and she dreaded the reactions if there wasn't any blood on them. It was a silly old custom but to some it still mattered, the bride should be pure to be worthy of a royal husband.

She shivered when he took her hand and pulled her away from the others, she remembered all the silly jokes and advice she had received during the day. Her sister had insisted that he probably was rather well endowed since he had such huge hands and some other elleth had told her to eat a lot of meat for the next weeks to make sure that the firstborn would become a son and not a daughter. She felt dizzy, even nauseous and she knew it was all because of nerves. The rooms were beautifully decorated with candles and the hearth was heated up. The bed was brand new and wide and it looked very comfortable, she could not look at it without trembling and he turned to her after having closed the door, he noticed her pale cheeks and big scared eyes and she saw that his eyes got softer. "Do not fear me Vanima, I have told you, I will not touch you unless you ask it of me."

She swallowed, tried to calm down. "I know, it is just that…"

He cocked his head, pulled off the heavy brocade outer robe. "Yes? Do not be shy, if there is anything you wish for then tell me please."

She felt her cheeks burn now, she stared at the beautiful white blankets and sheets that covered the bed. "Ah, tomorrow they will hang the sheets out…"

He looked confused. "And?"

He didn't understand and she gathered her courage. "If there is no blood on them they will think that I wasn't…pure"

He took a deep breath and made a strange sheepish grin. "Oh, I didn't think that far."

He stared at her. "I suppose that you don't want to actually go through with it?"

She shook her head. "Please, no. I…I just can't."

He sighed. "I know, I cannot win your heart more than I can move the stars above. It already belongs to someone else."

Vanima watched as he pulled aside the covers and bit his lip, there was a bowl of fruit placed on a small table by the wall and he walked over to it, found a small but sharp knife. Vanima didn't understand what he was doing until she saw him cut his little finger and press out a few drops of blood. He let the blood fall onto the sheets near the middle of the bed and smeared it a little around. He smiled at her, a somewhat sad smile. "Now there will be nobody doubting your honor my dear, it will be well known that you came to my bed as an untouched maiden."

She felt strangely moved by his action. "Th…thank you!"

He smiled and nodded towards the bathroom that was adjacent to the bedroom. "Go to bed first, I will change in there. "

She took a deep breath and unlaced the dress, pulled it off and kicked off her shoes, got rid of her jewelry and undid her braids. A very beautiful nightgown was laid out for her and she put it on, she didn't want to sleep in the same bed as him naked. She was tucking herself in and she was relieved to see that he emerged from the bathroom wearing an almost ridiculously long nightshirt. He was probably shy too. He got onto the bed and yawned, she could see that he was a bit tired and she felt half asleep already. She had never slept in the same bed as anyone before, she had not even slept in the same room as anyone else. And now she was to share his bed forever? The thought was weird but she hoped that she would get used to it, and the bed was huge. It could room at least six people and they wouldn't have to get anywhere near each other. He pulled the covers over himself and turned towards her, the smile on his lips was soft but sad and a bit distant. "I hope you will have a good night, sweet dreams Vanima."

She tried to smile back. "Likewise, sleep well."

He stretched out and blew out the last candles and the room became dark, she felt how soft the matrass was and the pillows were so deliciously soft and the duvet so warm and comfortable and before she really knew of it she was sleeping like a log, exhausted by her emotional turmoil and the events of the last days.  

Vanima woke up slowly, at first she didn't really know where she was and she blinked in stunned surprise at seeing a roof overhead that was completely unfamiliar. Then she remembered and a shudder ran through her very being, what was to happen now? She had no idea, she had not thought any further than to the wedding itself. She lifted her upper body from the pillows, it was still dark outside of the curtains covering the window and only the embers of the hearth brought light to the room. It was weak and red and it made the room look a bit like something out of a dream. She turned her head, he was sleeping on his side, with his legs pulled up so that his knees were against his chest and she listened to his steady breath and felt a weird sensation of surprise. He was so…normal? She had no idea of what she had expected, but there he was and in his sleep his rather haughty expression was gone and had been replaced by some deep inner innocence which told her that the person he pretended to be when he was among his father's subjects and the person he really was deep inside was two completely different beings.

He really was beautiful when he slept and Vanima had to smile, a swift and almost wry grin. At least she had a husband who was pleasing to the eye. She laid back down, it was too early to get up but she was unable to sleep any more. She felt a weird energy surge through her, a restlessness that made her squirm and bite her lower lips. He had promised her that she would be allowed to continue with her studies and she just hoped that he would stay true to his words. If not this had all been for nothing. She stared at the beautiful roof, it was painted with lovely patterns of flowers and wines and it was obvious that the artist had tried to capture a forest canopy seen from beneath the trees. It looked very real and she tried to fall back into a state of inner peace once more but found that she couldn't. She could still see Teren with her inner eye, hear his voice and feel his touch. She swallowed a sob and started to breathe in deep controlled movements, she had to remain in control. She had to make the best out of this new opportunity which was presented for her, she had not died with Teren, at least she could live for him, to honor his memory.

As a princess she would have possibilities she never had had before and she made herself a solemn vow to learn all that she could so that she one day could call herself a true master of at least one art.

She lay there as the morning slowly poured its golden light in through the curtains and her new husband stirred beside her, he moved a little and made a strange grunt and then he was awake and shook his head to clear his mind. She tried to smile at him but it was a somewhat nervous smile that didn't reach her eyes. He sat up, stretched and yawned, even with his hair unkempt and his nightshirt wrinkled up he was a sight to behold and Vanima thought that many ellith probably were insanely jealous of her today. The thought was a sad one, if they only had known.

He turned around and yelped as he placed his feet onto the cold floor. "Darn, I have to make them put some carpets onto these floors, they are ice cold."

He turned his head, looked a bit uncertain of what to do or say. "Ah, there will be some ellith chosen to serve you as chambermaids and they will help you with whatever it is you want. They will be here soon I think. If you want to use the bathroom I can wait?"

She felt so awkward, so terribly so. She had not thought of this piece of marital life before, that they were to share even a bathroom. She blushed and shook her head. "No. Just…just go ahead!"

He yawned again and walked across the room, went through the door and closed it behind him. Vanima sighed and rested her chin in her hands, chambermaidens? Darn it, she hadn't anticipated that but of course, it was a part of the whole package. But if she was to have any saying in this she would replace those she didn't like rather soon. She wanted ellith she could trust and whose company she would enjoy. Thranduil remerged after a while, he had washed his face and combed his hair and he had put on a pair of loose beige pants, a wide blue tunic with simple and yet beautiful embroideries and a pair of high black boots.

Vanima gulped, she was uncertain of what to say. "Ah, what am I to do, today?"

He cocked his head and sent her a friendly smile, sat down on the edge of the bed beside her. "Today you will chose your servants, be officially welcomed as my wife and the butler will tell you of the duties which you may or may not want to undertake."

She crinkled her brow. "What kind of duties may that be?"

He shrugged. "Oh, keeping an eye with our supplies of food? Making sure that visitors and guests are treated with the needed respect and care?"

She made a grimace, of course there would be things she had to do and a part of her actually liked the idea, she enjoyed challenges and she liked to do the best job possible. Thranduil saw her expression and he smiled, a smile filled with a sort of admiration. "I know that no realm will have a princess quite like you, you will be marvelous and I am sure that everybody will just adore you before long"

She had to blush from his words, she stared down at the duvet covering her torso. "I will do my best, of that you can be assured."

He leaned forward and took her hand, very gently. "Then let me promise you something in return, I know that you probably never will love me but you will have my friendship, always. I hope that we can become very good friends."

She looked at him, he was serious and she was starting to realize that he indeed was far from as haughty and spoiled as she had thought that he was, he was probably very smart and wiser than his years but his father was holding him back out of worry and love. She squeezed his hand back. "And you will have my friendship too, I can promise you this."

The soft smile that slid across his lips made her see how truly genuine his care was and she felt a little bit less worried about the future.

There was a soft knock on the door and Thranduil went over and opened it, four ellith stood there, all wearing uniforms and they were rather young but not too young either. They curtsied and Vanima felt an absurd need to giggle hysterically. When had someone ever curtsied for her? It felt so darn unreal! Thranduil smiled to the four and winked at Vanima. "Don't be too harsh with them dear, they are new at this."

Vanima had to swallow a rather rude remark, so was she damn it but she managed to put up a very dignified expression and when he left the room she made the ellith step forward one by one and present themselves with name and personal information. It was just one of them she didn't like, the youngest one. She seemed to be way too timid and not at all the type to thrive in such an environment. She decided that she wanted that elleth gone, she could very well do with just three. She got out of the bed and went to the bathroom. When she got back they had removed the sheets and were giggling and blushing and Vanima felt a bit annoyed, but she kept it to herself. They could think whatever they wanted to, and if they believed in the small deceit with which they had been presented then it was just for the best.

She was getting dressed and her hair was being done and fastened with some very beautiful combs adorned with small jewels. How different everything would have been if it had been Teren who had become her husband, maybe better and maybe not. At least her family was truly pleased with her choice and they would be more easy to be around from now on. She was finally ready and was escorted to the dining hall for breakfast by two of the maidens. They were the eldest among them and she was starting to think that those two were all that she needed, they were rather quiet, mature and both seemed to be very intelligent. The hall was almost filled with elves and everybody got up as she entered the room, it made her feel very awkward. Only Oropher and Thranduil remained sitting because as of now they were the only ones within this realm above her in rank. It was such an unreal notion and she felt so shy as she sat down, everybody was staring at her and she felt so self-conscious and nervous. Oropher smiled at her. "I pray you have had a pleasant night's sleep?"

She nodded. "Yes my king, I have slept very well!"

Thranduil just winked at her and she felt her cheeks burn, Oropher chuckled and poured her some juice which she gratefully accepted. She felt parched and drank a whole glass of it very fast before she noticed that many were looking at her, smirking. They probably believed that she was thirsty because of certain sweaty activities they believed that she had been involved in that night. She blushed even deeper and Thranduil patted her hand in feigned affection. "Don't think about it, you'll get used to it, believe me. Ignore them"

She smiled and tried to eat and Oropher told her that she would have to choose between the servants before lunch and then she would have a meeting with the butler and the rest of the staff there. She was their new mistress and they would first and foremost receive orders from her from now on. The idea made her cringe, what did she know of ruling such a huge household but then again, it would take her mind away from the sorrow and fear.

When she had eaten she met her mother in the hallway, Elena was still beaming with pride and hugged her daughter. Vanima almost fainted from shock, her mother had never been that affectionate before. "Oh my dear daughter, I am so proud"

Elena took her hands and stepped back, stared at her. "Now look at you, you look amazing dear, I am sure that you will make him very happy!"

Vanima had to blush and Elena saw the pretty red color on her daughter's cheeks and of course she misinterpreted the cause. She lowered her voice into an almost whispering confiding mother to daughter tone. "Oh I know dear, it is never very pleasant the first times but worry not, it will get better. Just make sure you keep his interest and try to keep your hips above your head for a while afterwards, it will make conception easier."

Vanima had to blush even deeper and hid her mouth behind her hand, she made a strange sound and Elena looked a little worried. "I hope he wasn't too rough with you? If you feel sore there are a lot of very good salves that can help and there are also some that will help you relax until you get used to his size."

Vanima managed to answer but she felt how she almost choked, her mother had never spoken to her of such matters before, but now it was suddenly so very important? Couldn't she have shown some motherly care earlier on? "I am…alright mother, I really am. I mean, I can handle it, I think. I am not in that much…pain."

Elena got a compassionate look upon her face. "Oh my poor dear, so brave. You have always been so strong Vanima, but remember what I told you, there are help to be found."

Vanima just nodded desperately and Elena saw what she wanted to see in Vanima's eyes, after all the sheets had been displayed and they left no doubt about her daughters purity and the virility of the prince, in fact some were a bit shocked by the amount of blood on them and there had been some whispering that the prince perhaps was a bit too eager and vigorous for such a tender and inexperienced elleth. It looked as if he had rushed it and just taken her. Vanima let out a sigh of relief as she saw the butler appear, she gave her mother an awkward hug and then she excused herself and followed the ellon down to the kitchens to learn of her new role as commander of the household.

Vanima was in for the shock of a lifetime, there was so much to do and  although she was reassured that she didn't need to do it all she found that she wanted to. It was interesting and it awakened her interest and so she slowly got involved in every aspect of the palace life. She had been reading a lot and after just a few days she managed to make some changes in the kitchen which made the cooks love her to death. She had seen some drawings of a sort of stove that didn't cause so much smoke and heat and so she got the palace smith to forge a couple of stoves like that and before a week was gone by all the cooks wanted one. They heated the food faster than the old ones and there was less danger of burns and she felt like a victorious general after a major battle. She was suddenly eager, she saw possibilities and new solutions everywhere and her energy seemed to be without boundaries.

Oropher was already deeply impressed by her and Thranduil would praise her and kiss her hair or cheek in public and she knew that his words were true. He did really admire her and she found a new strength within herself. The only thing she found awkward was the marital life, she was getting used to sleeping in the same bed as her husband, to sharing their rooms. She found it difficult in the beginning but she was usually so tired she slept even with him next to her. Sometimes he would move around in his sleep and end up laying curled up against her body and slowly she got accustomed to it. When the chambermaidens came to wake her up in the morning they often found the two of them in a heap like puppies in a basket and then they would smile knowingly and giggle and Vanima did nothing to change their beliefs. She would make sure to make her hair look as if she had been tossed around in the bed and sometimes she would use some berry juice to create small marks on her neck or chest as if he had given her a hickey. When she was finished with her duties early they would meet and spend the evening in their rooms, they would sit by the hearth and read and sometimes they would read out aloud to each other. Vanima discovered that he loved poetry and that he was very good at singing and he also liked to listen to her when she was reading from all sorts of books. She did find time for her studies, she didn't need that much sleep after all and she woke up one morning and realized that she hadn't dreamt of Teren that night. It was a startling discovery but she knew that she was getting better, that her grief was less severe and no longer able to hurt her. She missed him deeply but she knew she had to continue with her life.

Her family left for their home and she bid them a fond farewell, she probably wouldn't see them for many years to come and it felt almost like a relief. She had only two maidens now and she had become rather close with them both but she had never told them that she and Thranduil just were friends and nothing more than that. As the summer flew by she organized for the storages to be filled, she arranged feasts and celebrations and she found that she loved it. Suddenly she was someone everybody looked up to and admired and it made her beam and soon everybody praised her gentle nature and kind smiles and many thought that the prince had found a true gem in her. Her joy was so visible in her shining eyes and her wide smiles, the people had been a little shy of her at first, after all she was a stranger from another realm and more so, of noldorin origin on her father's side but they forgot that soon enough. She was a forest elf at heart and to the silvan that was enough. She would go out to pick berries with the other ellith and they all regarded her as a true friend as soon as they had spoken with her. She did the same work as the others and never spared herself and some said that she was a blessed one, that the Valar favored her.

Vanima had just one worry, and it grew within her mind when they celebrated Thranduil's begetting day. She had been married to him for several months now and soon the others would begin to ask if she would bare the prince an heir anytime soon. It could take years before a couple managed to beget a child of their own so she wasn't too worried but the idea did stick to her mind and it reoccurred every now and then. Thranduil had gotten used to her too but she did notice that he wasn't as relaxed as she was, sometimes he would get up in the middle of the night and disappear into the bathroom and stay there for quite a while and she could swear that she heard him groan or whimper in there and it was not in pain. When he returned to the bed he would look a bit flustered and he would often be breathing rather hard and she knew what he had done. It made her feel embarrassed and so she pretended that she slept and didn't notice.

Other times he would toss and turn in his sleep and made sounds and it ended with him shuddering, waking up and in most cases he would swear to himself, get up and return wearing a new nightshirt. She of course knew that males sometimes would have wet dreams and it was natural but it made her feel almost guilty in some way. She understood that he had needs, that it caused him some discomfort to be sleeping next to a female and not being able to touch her. He often got out of bed before her, turning his back to her and walking with a strange stiff gait and she wished that things had been different. They both were trapped now, and all they could do was to endure. Sometimes he would lay close to her in his sleep and she would feel that he was hard, then she would gently move away from him and often that made him groan in frustration but he didn't wake up. Vanima could not imagine herself having sex with him, no way! The only one who had awakened such emotions within her had been Teren and even though she had grown fond of Thranduil she didn't see him as her husband, more as a sort of very close friend. Sleeping with him would be just wrong and she had to admit to herself that she was a bit scared too, there was no doubt that the old saying about large hands was true in his case and as for most maidens the idea of letting him do it terrified her. There was no way that the hardness she felt when he lay pressed against her in his sleep could fit within her.

She had thought of his reputation when they first got married, of the rumors she had heard. The tales of him being with different ellith every night, to her shock she had discovered that rumors were all that it was, lies. One evening when he had had too much to drink and they had been sitting reading poems by the fireplace he had confessed to her that he only had lain with an elleth twice and that it really hadn't been that much to brag about neither time. He feared that he had made a complete fool of himself but at least he had learned what it all was about, and the last one had been kind enough to brag shamelessly about him, just to boost his confidence and save his reputation.

The information had made her blush and feel like he had revealed a bit too much but then again, she now knew that he wasn't the type to fool around. She had been completely wrong about him and it made her feel guilty on some level. Had she really allowed her own misconceptions to rule her mind without trying to get to the core of it first? Why had she believed in lies without trying to uncover the truth before she made up her mind? She realized that she had been too proud to see beyond the impression she had gotten from the rumors and the buzzing voices of the court. She ought to be better than that.

As summer changed to autumn and then to winter she had gotten accustomed to her new role, she was always busy doing something and she found that she had a peculiar talent for healing. She helped out in the healing ward and after a while she determined that this was the field on which she was to really explore how far she could go. She started to learn as much as she could from the healers and they were thrilled by her enthusiasm and eagerness to learn. She never questioned them but she often managed to make them look at problems and things from a new angle and it in turn made her even more beloved and admired by the others there. She was so compassionate, so gentle and mild and even if she had quite a temper still she never let her patients see that. To them she was like an angel of light and comfort and the elflings in special adored her. She adored them back and she once again had to think about the fact that there would be no heirs to the throne as long as she was the princess of Greenwood. She thought about swallowing her pride and fear and allowing him to do it, to make her his wife for real but then again, it would probably be of no use. Children were conceived by parents who loved each other dearly and were bonded, she would never bond with him, not even if they were to go ahead and have sex. There was just one with whom she would have shared her soul and the grief still sometimes  reoccurred and made her cry silently in the still of the night when nobody would see her tears.

She was at ease with Thranduil, often they would laugh and tease each other like a normal couple would and he did somehow make her feel young and free, careless. But on the other hand, she could not quite manage to open her heart to him, not yet at least. He was often gone most of the day because of the current situation and she knew that a war was inevitable. There were still emissaries coming from the other realms, bearing messages that got more and more grim as the months went by and she often felt as if there was a massive shadow hovering above the horizon, invisible but so very present and ever threatening to descend and devour them all. Being very well educated she knew that the army they could create with the warriors of Greenwood was rather small and not very well equipped. She had seen the warriors who came from the court of Gil-galad and their shiny armor, their good weapons and training. What did they have? A rustic looking bunch of wood elves armed with good bows but wearing only leather. And yet Oropher was slowly giving in to the constant arguments being tossed at him by the other leaders, they had to hit the enemy where it hurt the most, at the heart of his strength and they had to do it together if they ever were to come out of it with victory.

Thranduil was very somber when he came to her one evening and told her that they were to march for war in just a few months. Oropher wanted him to come along, not to fight but to learn and Thranduil had sat down in a chair, his face passive and without emotion but his hands were trembling and she knew not why. Was it fear? Or was he angry with his father for not even allowing him to show his worth on the battlefield? She had a strong suspicion that it would take someone even stronger than Oropher to keep Thranduil away from the battles, he was so determined to do his share of it and she didn't know is she should be worried or not. The idea of losing him was suddenly terrifying and she knew then that she had gotten very fond of him indeed.

Vanima had more than enough to do now, she was to equip the healers that were to follow the army and she worked until she barely was able to stand on her feet. And she had to make sure that also the other parts of the everyday life of the palace was being seen to. Often she collapsed and the head of the healing ward would shake his head in anger and order her to bed. She didn't really have time to eat and her stomach rebelled on her and gave her a lot of discomfort. One evening when she was in the great hall trying to determine how much food they could send with the soldiers she was hit by a particularly bad wave of stomach cramps and she buckled over and couldn't help but letting out a sharp yelp of pain, clutching her belly. Her chamber maidens quickly raced to her side and aided her back to her chambers but the damage had been done. Before the sun crept beneath the horizon that evening rumors were spreading of the princess having suffered a miscarriage. It did not matter that her maidens tried to explain that it just had been stomach cramps caused by stress and malnutrition but nobody wanted to believe that. Some of course did at first but soon the general knowledge was that the princess had been working so hard trying to help everybody else she had lost a pregnancy.

Thranduil did nothing to stop the rumors, he appeared to be very concerned about her wellbeing, he would drop in on her unexpectedly as if just to check in on her condition and he would whisper to her words that to others may have seemed as endearments but they were usually just information of what more they needed before they were to march. Vanima found it hard to keep up this façade, she felt bad for fooling everybody but there was no way out of it. She did notice something else now, something new about him. He was obviously very nervous and at night she could hear him mumble in his sleep, fearful words of blood and death. One night just a week before they were to leave he went with his friends and got drunk, they celebrated like crazy well knowing that this could be their very last chance to do so. Vanima had went to bed alone that night and she woke up a few hours before dawn to find him sleeping next to her, his face streaked with tears and he had just collapsed onto the bed, buck naked. She had never seen him undressed before even if they by now had been married for more than a year and she felt a strange sense of tenderness looking at him so vulnerable and uncovered. He was slender and yet muscular and she felt a strong sense of grief knowing what the weapons of the enemy could do to him. The idea of his perfect skin being marred by cold steel made her cringe, she didn't want him to go. The knowledge hit her like a sledgehammer, she didn't want to lose him now or ever.

He looked so innocent, so untouched by the darkness of this world, in his sleep he was such a pure creature and the idea of that purity becoming tainted by the foul stench of war was gut wrenching. She slowly pulled the covers up over him and he mumbled something soft and turned over. She saw more of him than she ever had there and then but she didn't feel embarrassed by it, not like she would have earlier. He was perfect, just the way the gods had planned them all to be and there was nothing shameful about it. She let her hand glide over his long silky hair and he pushed his head into her touch, like a child begging to be soothed by its mother. She wanted to cry, but somehow she couldn't, she didn't have the strength to.

The last days before the army left was a chaos, warriors and horses and weapons everywhere, the transport units were working like crazy making sure they had everything they needed and the courtyard was swarmed with elves. Vanima was given the responsibility of ruling the entire realm in the absence of the king and his son and she was so busy and stressed out she really didn't have time to think about the implications of this. She was in fact the ruler of Greenwood the moment they left and even though Oropher's counsellors were skilled she would have to make the final decisions. The responsibility was crushing and she was so very afraid of making errors. But the people trusted her like none other and the thought of their support was nice.

There was a feast held the night before the army was to leave and Vanima was dressed in her finery and felt completely out of place. There was an atmosphere of something akin to desperation in the air that night, many knew that they probably wouldn't return alive and so they sought to feel alive once more in every way that they could. There was dancing and drinking and singing and Vanima fought hard not to be caught by the whole madness of it all. When death is near life is at its sweetest and she tried desperately to shut out all the dark thoughts of her loss and the losses others were to suffer. War meant death, and she knew too darn well how ill equipped their troops were. If they were sent to the front lines it would be a bloodbath, she had no illusions about that, the arrows and blades of orcs would be the death of many of the elves she saw within this hall this night and her eyes sought her husband almost pleadingly. He had to return to her, whole and alive. He just had to, she could not do this on her own, could not reign if both he and his father got lost, she didn't have the strength nor the experience.

She went to bed before he did and could not find enough peace to sleep, she had to many terrible thoughts in her head. They had to do something, of that there was no question but did they really have to go to an all out war? She was still awake when he came to their room, he smelled of wine and was staggering a bit and she had never seen that expression within his eyes before, they were so terribly fearful, so unshielded. He sat down in a chair, pulled of his boots and outer robes, then his tunic and pants and she could hear him breathe like he had been running hard, he was struggling not to break down and cry. He came to the bed, still staggering and rolled in underneath the covers, shivering. She could smell his fear, his doubt. And her heart was aching for him. She turned around and he saw that she was awake, he gasped and lifted his arm, let his hand slide over her shoulder in a gesture so heartbreakingly pleading it made her own eyes fill with tears. "Vanima, please, I need…just hold me!"

She nodded and he moved closer, she put her arms around him as he pressed his face towards her neck, shivering and sweating as if he had a fever. He mumbled against her skin, she could barely understand the words but they were so filled with despair and his voice thin and strained. "I see all those faces and I know that many of them will die, and I cannot do this, how can I face them tomorrow, lead when I know that so many won't return?"

Vanima didn't try to answer him, she just hummed softly and stroked his hair and his shivers slowly subsided, he just grasped her almost desperately, trying to hide in the comfort of her warmth and the familiarity of her presence. They lay there for a while and she felt herself blush, he had undressed completely and she felt the warmth of his skin through her thin nightgown. He still held her but slowly his whole presence changed. She could feel it, the atmosphere changed, became tense, loaded somehow. Then he lifted his head a bit and kissed the lobe of her ear, then her neck and he raised himself a bit and kissed her chin. Vanima froze, he had never done that before and now she saw something else in his eyes, a desperate need, an insatiable urge of which she had never seen the likes. There were tears in his eyes and he was shivering again but this time for a whole different reason. He leaned towards her and she could feel the hardened length that was being pressed towards her thigh. She whimpered, suddenly very uncertain of what to do. He kissed her on the mouth, a hungry almost desperate kiss and his hand was tugging at her nightgown, trying to get it off her. Vanima felt how her heart was racing away, it felt as though it was ready to explode. She didn't want this, but on the other hand she felt so sorry for him and she didn't really want to deny him one last moment of pleasure before he left. But she was so afraid, so nervous and she could not even try to pretend as if she welcomed him, she felt stiff like a board. His hand was underneath the thin fabric, stroking over her skin and he moaned and then he just ripped the whole gown in half in an almost desperate tug. Vanima gasped and suddenly he was trying to get on top of her, trying to pry her knees apart. He panted and whimpered and she knew that he was a bit drunk, that he didn't have the same self-control that he usually had. His emotions were no longer guarded and kept in check, they were running wild and he kissed her again, tried to make her open her mouth and let his tongue in. His hand was kneading her right breast and the sensation was so strange, it scared the living daylights out of her but some part of her wanted him to go on, wanted to know what it really was like to be loved also in  the carnal way. She didn't let him spread her legs, she resisted with as much strength as she could muster and so he just pressed himself against her, she felt his hard member sliding along the inside of her thigh, up and down and she made a grimace, it felt warm and throbbing and it left some sort of fluid on her skin. He was breathing even harder now, making weird noises. "Please Vanima, please, I need you…I am so scared!"

She didn't know what to do, give in? She had no doubt that he would experience a lot of terrible things soon enough, she should be able to accept the pain of being deflowered when considering this but she found that she couldn't, she held her legs firmly together and instead she let him kiss her again and this time she let him push his tongue into her mouth. The feeling was a bit sickening and she felt slightly disgusted but she let him do it, he rubbed himself against her even harder and faster and then he started to shudder all over while he let out some loud moans and she felt how warm sticky liquid spilled over her thigh and lower belly. He rolled his eyes and groaned in spasms and she bit her lower lip, both shocked and disgusted and at the same time strangely fascinated by his reaction. There was both immense pleasure and pain in the sounds he made and she knew that he tried to forget about the next morning, that he just wanted to feel loved, to feel as though he was needed, that someone wanted him, cared enough to pray for his safe return. She felt like a bastard for having denied him this, for not having been a good wife to him but she could not help it. She didn't want him like that, not even his touches had made her want him at all. He collapsed onto her, gasping for air. He was sobbing and she raised her arms, embraced him once more and tried not to think of the sticky goo covering her skin and what it was.

She let her fingers run through his hair, tried to soothe him like she would a child with soft cooing words and he sighed and hid his face against her neck once more. "I am so frightened Vanima, I am such a coward."

She rolled her eyes and wondered why Eru had made all males so utterly stupid. "You are no coward Thran, you know this. You just think so lowly of yourself. I am sure that you will face the enemy and make him fear you, that you will conqueror your opponents and return as a triumphant general."

He sighed against her neck, his breath so warm. "Thank you for those words Vanima, but I do not feel braver in the slightest."

She kissed his brow. "You will find your courage, of this I am sure. Rest now, you need your strength!"

He nodded slowly. "Will you let me sleep like this? Next to you, I…I don't want to be alone."

She could understand him so very well, she nodded and he relaxed, pulled the pillows closer to lay comfortably. He swallowed. "I…I am sorry about…that! I shouldn't have… I mean…I was just so…desperate! You must think I am utterly hopeless!"

She had to giggle. "Utterly horny perhaps but I understand Thran, I truly do. And I am sorry but I couldn't let you take me, it would be wrong! I wish I could find the courage to let you do it but I don't have such courage I fear. I am afraid I will owe you a great debt of gratitude when you return victoriously, it should be such a small sacrifice when considering what you are about to march into knowingly but I don't have the strength, and I am a bit old fashioned as I am sure you know. I want to give that to someone I love and since Teren is gone then, well, I may well remain a maiden for the rest of my days."

He sighed and his breath tickled her. "I know Vanima, I know. I just could not control myself, I needed it so badly. I didn't want to leave tomorrow without having felt the body of a female against my own one last time, but now I have at least something to think off in the lonely nights to come, and something to remember. Even though I was just humping your leg like a dog!"

She had to giggle and he nuzzled her and they fell silent again. It didn't feel that bad to feel his naked skin against her own now that he was calm and she listened as his breath slowly got deep and even, then she too allowed herself to drift off into sleep.

The next morning she woke up with him laying halfway over her and he was mumbling in his sleep, he had kicked the blankets off and so she got a very nice view of his naked backside, she had to blush and she grinned before she was caught in a fit of panic, there was a tapping on the door and before she could shout a warning her chamber maids burst in, they stopped in the door, a bit shocked and mesmerized by the sight and Vanima swore and managed to grasp a blanket and throw it across herself and him. Thranduil woke up, shook his head and blushed when he noticed that he lay with his head more or less firmly planted between her breasts, he stared at the sight with huge eyes before he rolled over, pulled the blanket around himself and sprinted off into the bathroom. Vanima found another blanket and sighed, she called the maidens back in and they giggled and sent her some very mischievous glances. Vanima felt her cheeks burn, she could smell him all over herself, and she saw the dried liquid on her skin, it made her cringe but at the same time she felt a strange sort of sadness. It should not have been spilled like that, it should have been spilled where it was supposed to go, to create a new life.

She forced the sadness back and put on a stern face. "Prepare a bath for us both, and lay out our clothes."

The maidens just bowed and hurried to follow her biding, Vanima felt a sensation of being disconnected from the world, as if everything was an illusion, unreal and ethereal as a dream. When the water had been poured she hurried taking a bath and she got dressed in a rather dark gown which reflected her mood very well. Thranduil stared at her, his eyes were sad too and she went over to where he stood putting on his shirt and the tunic he was to wear underneath the leather jerkin and armor jacket. She took his hand almost hesitantly. "I am wearing dark colors today, and I swear this to you, I will do so until you return to me."

He closed his eyes for a second, when he opened them they were shining and she knew that it was both because of her words and the meaning behind them and the tears that were swelling up beyond his control. They went to the dining hall together, hand in hand and she knew that from this day forth and until they returned she was the ruler of this realm. The responsibility was already starting to feel like a crushing weight upon her. They ate in silence, he didn't have much of an appetite and neither had she but they had to eat, to keep up appearances. Oropher came to eat, he was already armored up and looked rather imposing and he kissed Vanima on the head and whispered a blessing to her. The troops were already moving, they were among the last to leave together with the nobles that were to follow the army and the last of the provisions and equipment. Vanima felt herself shiver, it wasn't cold that caused it but fear, and a turmoil of emotions. Thranduil had gotten his armor and coat on, he looked so regal and majestic and she felt tears running down her cheeks, she wept for all those who would die, all those who would perish. And she prayed for their victory for if Sauron won then there would be nothing but death and darkness left until the end of time. Thranduil hugged her fiercely in front of everybody and then he got to his horse, a huge tall red stallion she knew was rather fiery. Oropher was already in the saddle of his stocky dun mare and the others mounted too. The courtyard was packed with elves eager to bid their loved ones goodbye, to see that certain someone once more, to make their farewells. And the soldiers were so quiet, so eerily silent. Nobody spoke, they all just stared straight forward, like an army of ghosts. Vanima felt a cold chill run down her back and she almost collapsed, her maidens grasped her by the shoulders and held her upright and she saw that Thranduil suddenly turned his horse around, made it gallop back into the courtyard and stopped it on the steps in front of her. Everybody was just staring with huge eyes, this was unheard of. He leaned down from the saddle, grasped her and lifted her as if she was weightless. Then he kissed her on the mouth in front of everybody and whispered to her, words she never had anticipated. "For all that it is worth Vanima, I have come to love you! Please, say that you will be here when I return, that you will wait for me!"

She could only nod as her tears again flowed like a river down her cheeks. He dropped her gently back onto firm ground, then he turned the great destrier and rode away without ever turning around again, hiding his tears to everybody. Vanima fell to her knees and she was sobbing, her grief was more than obvious and at that moment many who had earlier seen her as less than worthy of their prince changed their mind in an instant. They saw her fear and sorrow and even the rather stiff necked noble ladies of the court came scurrying around her, hugging her, offering her soothing words of comfort and assurance. Of course he would return to her, of course he would survive, they would win, they would win for sure.

Vanima remained standing on the stairs, staring after the last troops until they had long gone out of sight, she didn't let herself be moved until it got dark that evening and then she staggered back indoors, now she was truly alone, more alone than ever before.


	5. Swords death and redemption

Now, this chapter is where things really start going downhill, this is where Vanima starts to understand that she has a task ahead of her, that it perhaps wasn't just a coincidence that Thranduil saved her from that mad elf. The question is if she is strong enough to cope with what's to come? Ah, and enter Galadriel by the way. When Thranduil returns home he will no longer be who he was, yes, post-traumatic stress disorder is a bitch! This chapter is perhaps a bit darker than those before, maybe not yet a Mature/Adult but you are warned. I thought that the lyrics for the song 10th man down by nightwish fitted this chapter, it is about war and so is this chapter. War can change a person, transform you and make you do things you otherwise never would even have thought off.  As usuall, don't own the characters except my own nor the lyrics here at the start of the chapter.

**Chapter five: Swords, death and redemption**

Cut me free, Bleed with me, Oh no  
One by one, We will fall, down down  
Pull the plug, End the pain, Run'n fight for life  
Hold on tight, this ain't my fight  
  
Deliver me from this war  
It's not for me it's because of you  
Devil's instant my eternity  
Obey to kill to save yourself  
  
Cut me free ...

 

**_Nightwish: Tenth man down_ **

****

****

****

The air was chill and snow covered the ground everywhere, it was dark and cold every night and everybody tried to stay indoors. The winter had come early that year and Vanima had felt it in her very bones rather early. The storages had been filled to the rim and so she wasn't that worried about their supplies but she had this creeping feeling of doubt all the time. There were so much to do even with most of the ellyn being away to fight  and she had fewer to order around. Yet she did whatever she could to keep everybody's spirit up, she arranged feasts and made sure that everybody had food and shelter and were as safe as they could be. She worked in the healing ward whenever she could and she almost never sat down to rest. When she did she had time to think and then it all came back to her, the fear and the sorrow and her confusion. Her heart was in turmoil and she had no idea of what she was to do.

The war had already lasted for several years and she knew that they had suffered losses, Thranduil had sent her letters and they didn't really tell her that much, she knew that he was trying to shield her from the truth. She missed him, it was peculiar but she did. He had been such a solid rock to lean upon and without him her grief became so much stronger than before. She had been unable to sleep for weeks after he left and she had made a habit of sleeping with his pillow in her arms. It had smelled of him, now the scent was long gone but it still gave her some comfort and she managed to keep up appearances and stay strong for the people. She was everywhere, leading them, giving hope and comfort and many regarded her as something akin to a goddess. They never saw her tears and her fear, at night she often wake up barely being able to breathe, feeling trapped in the darkness once more.

Three years had gone, and she had managed to keep it all together, it was a miracle but her fiery temper served her well now. Her strength was being honed and adjusted and she was a person of power and had started to wield that power no less viciously than she would a sword. When the merchants tried to trick her or ask for too much she would quickly put them in their place and she managed to keep their borders safe too. It took its toll on her, she was getting skinny and her skin pale. But her energy remained high and she could be both friendly and sweet and rather nasty if she needed to be. Being a leader is often synonymous with being alone and she did indeed feel alone. She was surrounded by others, servants and staff and some who claimed to be her friends but inside of her mind she was standing on a wide plain with nothing but cold emptiness surrounding her. Every day she was standing by the gates, waiting for messengers, fearing what they might bring her that day. It made her feel almost numb inside, she worked like a maniac to prevent herself from thinking too much.

There came visitors from the other realms every now and then, one day in late spring her eldest sister came to stay there for a while. Nobody knew why because they had never been close and Vanima soon understood that Serielle was there just to see how she was doing, to spy. Vanima felt a strong sensation of defiance, of anger. They had no business doubting her abilities and she didn't feel any better knowing that her sister was gloating like mad. She had four children and she often gave Vanima small seemingly innocent remarks which cut like a blade. To bring the fact that Vanima hadn't had any elflings yet forth almost every day was just to spite her, to make her doubt herself. Serielle had always had a wicked streak to her and Vanima would have loved to have her thrown out of the realm but she couldn't. After all, this darn elleth was her own sister and it would have looked far from good.

On the other hand she had faithful supporters in the silvan and her two chamber maidens were jewels who did everything within their power to help her. She had grown very fond of them and knew that they gave her strength to hang in there and continue working. When the people saw her walking around with her chin held high and fire in her eyes they knew that their realm would remain safe, that nothing bad would happen to those left behind there. Vanima was more than relieved when she saw her sister leaving again in the autumn that year, she had felt like wringing her neck more than once and she knew she wasn't the only one who had felt that way. The letters from Thranduil were polite and friendly and she tried to answer them as best as she could. She told him of everything that happened there, of the elflings that had been born, of the harvest and the things they did just to pass time. She tried to keep the tone of her letters light and joyous, to give him hope. She did on the other hand read something very different between the lines of his letters, there was a darkness there, a lack of the liveliness that usually was so typical for him. He told very little of the battles fought or the everyday life in a war camp. Instead he would write poems or stories of things he had seen or heard as a child, or stories that he heard from others. Her heart did bleed for him, some of his letters were so helpless, so devoid of emotion.

She had been taking care of Greenwood for five years when they suddenly received visitors from Lothlorien, some troops were to be replaced and they passed by Greenwood, the wife of Celeborn, Galadriel as she was called came with them and Vanima knew that she was renowned for her visions and strength. She had heard very little of this elleth but knew that many saw her as very powerful and possibly a bit dangerous. There was still a lot of suspicion between the Noldor and the Sindar and Oropher had preferred having as little to do with them as possible. Vanima did not really know what to think of this unexpected visit, she saw that Galadriel was very beautiful and she appeared to be very ethereal and mild, like a soft summer breeze. She made sure that the lady was well tended to by their best servants and she did not for even a minute believe that Galadriel had come there just to see the Greenwood with her own eyes. There was something behind this and the thought of Galadriel's famous visions made her skin crawl. Had the lady seen something? Something so important she had to speak of it eye to eye instead of in a letter?

Vanima didn't get the answer before she one evening met Galadriel in the garden, the tall blond elleth was standing there looking at the stars and her eyes held an ageless sorrow Vanima just found strangely fascinating. What did this lady know?

Galadriel tilted her head as she saw Vanima, bowed graciously. "Princess, I hope I haven't disturbed you?"

Vanima shook her head, stared at the stars too. They were so very clear that night and Galadriel sighed. "It is so beautiful, so unspoiled. Such a contrast to the things going on down here."

Vanima could just nod. "That is true, I just hope for the safe return of as many as possible."

Galadriel looked down, her face strangely stiff. "Vanima, I have come here because I have seen things, things which I am unable to understand but they worry me a great deal. They say that the future isn't set, that we can change it but I am not so sure. "

Vanima felt a cold claw clenching around her heart but she stood proud, stood tall. "What did you see my lady?"

Galadriel smiled, there was a bit of admiration in her eyes, and a timeless grief of which Vanima had never seen the likes, for someone who had seen the light of Valinor the world had to be very dark now indeed. "You are so very brave Vanima, I have never met an elleth quite like you. You have something rather special, a will stronger than mithril and more flaming than dragon flames. It will serve you well."

Vanima just waited, her heart beating in a wild rhythm. Galadriel sighed. "I have seen the banner of this house fallen onto the ground, trampled and bloody, torn by blades and ripped by boots. I have seen the green forest whither Vanima, corrupted by a terrible unnatural contamination, slowly dying in disgusting sickness. I have seen a second darkness descend upon us but I know not why or when this is to happen. All I am sure of is that the victory won't be a complete one, even if they do win. I cannot see why because something is standing in the way of my visions but of one thing I am sure Vanima."

Galadriel turned around and there was some sort of fear in her face, a naked emotion nobody could have faked. Her eyes were shining and even though she tried to smile the smile never reached her gaze. Vanima felt a weird calm, why she had no idea. Whatever her fate was, she would face it with courage.

"Vanima, I see much pain in your future, much grief. But I beg this of you, don't hesitate! When the time comes you will know what I speak of, use that strong spirit of yours, heal those in need of it and know this, no sacrifice is too large. The future may take two paths from now on, chose the wrong one and in the end we will all fail."

Vanima swallowed hard. "I do not know of what it is that you speak?"

Galadriel closed her eyes, her hands were trembling. "It caused me great grief when I saw this but I can tell you this much. In your greatest joy the ending will maybe come, and yet you cannot avoid this because if you do much will be lost and in the end maybe all of us."

Vanima swallowed hard. "I think I know what it is that you mean. My father once told me a tale of a king who lost his kingdom because his horse lost a shoe. Small things may affect the greater ones."

Galadriel smiled, a genuine smile. "Yes, one's choices or rather their consequences are spreading through the universe like waves in water. Throw a small pebble into a pond and see how the rings spread, toss another one in and see it destroy that perfect pattern, become a new one that is changing it all. You are like one of those rocks Vanima. To you there is no real choice, the weaver has already treaded the weave and the road you must tread will appear to you when the time is right."

Vanima sighed. "What I do will be important for the future right?"

Galadriel nodded slowly. "Yes, somehow your choices will be the thing which may tip the scales to our favor sometime in the future."

Vanima sighed deeply. "And yet I wish I knew more."

Galadriel grinned, touched her shoulder gently. "I know where it will start, if your husband returns to you he will no longer be who he was, remember this. If you find it in your heart to forget this and look beyond it all you are on the right track."

Vanima felt frightened again. "Not the same? How?"

Galadriel closed her eyes, the sorrow returned to her elegant features. "I have seen what war and death do to the fêa of us Eldar Vanima, I have seen bloodshed, meaningless death brought by sheer madness, I have witnessed destruction and despair and pure insanity and I know this to the very core of my being, you cannot escape it without serious wounds to your soul."

Galadriel turned towards Vanima, touched her chin gently and stared into her eyes. "If your husband survives this war then you must make sure that he becomes whole again, that he remains strong, that the house remains strong. I know you can do this."

Vanima swallowed hard and nodded and Galadriel gave her a warm smile. "That is all I can ask for princess, some day in the future the house of Oropher will have an important role to play."

Vanima shuddered, she had a feeling of doom but she shrugged it off and Galadriel smiled again. "And now, the servants have been bragging endlessly of the herbal gardens here, I would love to see it for myself, if you have the time to be my guide?"

Vanima bowed her head gracefully. "Of course my lady, just follow me."

The darkness was split by thousand torches, the camp looked like a reflection of the starry skies above but the skies didn't stink of mud and blood and general dirt and decay. The mud underneath their feet was thick and sticky, several days of heavy rain had transformed the barren dusty lands into a mud flat and it was not exactly adding anything positive to the general atmosphere of depression and doubt. They had fought, and fought, and the fighting never seemed to stop and yet they got nowhere. It was as if the enemy had endless resources at his hands, the number of orcs and monsters never seemed to decrease and it drained the very will out of the men. The provisions were running low and only the rock hard determination of their leaders held the armies together now. The generals were arguing rather hard every day, the choice of strategy was all important and nobody seemed to be able to agree on what would be the best method to break the forces of Mordor. Thranduil sat in his tent and he felt weary, tired to the very bone. There was no real rest there, no sun it seemed and no colors. It was just grey and black with some beige tones in between like splotches on a well-used napkin. It was depressing and even worse, it drained the very life out of you after a while.

He looked at the chalice of wine that stood on a small table next to his chair, the good stuff was gone years ago, the thing the servants served now tasted a lot like horsepiss and he wasn't too sure that it wasn't just that. At least he got wine, the soldiers weren't so lucky. He had a place to sleep that weren't to dank and dark and when he got wounded he would be among the first to be treated by the healers. He caught a whiff of the scent of smoke and cringed, closed his eyes with a moan. He had hoped and prayed that he soon would grow insensitive to the death and agony but he never did. The smell of the funeral pyres were overwhelming when you knew what it was that was burning. They had buried their dead at the beginning of the campaign, then there were no more good places to dig and too many died, they resorted to burning the corpses and Thranduil had almost puked the first time he saw a funeral pyre with elven bodies on it. Orcs were one thing, burning their own warriors something altogether different, and he could no longer believe what they had become in their desperation and hatred and fear.

He wasn't the same ellon he was when he left Greenwood behind, that was the one thing of which he was absolutely certain. He had not been fighting at first, his father forbade it and he had to stay behind, to watch from a safe distance. It made him feel like a trapped animal, like he was betraying them all. He saw the healers work on bodies so torn and ruined the very sight almost choked his fêa and there he was, doing nothing while the brave soldiers shed their blood and lost their very lives every day.

He had rebelled, there was no other way.  If he were to die then die he would, and he would prefer to be remembered as someone who did his duty. He had put on his armor and a young squire who had followed a now dead knight from Gil-galad's army had agreed to become his servant. Thranduil had been trained, he had seen the war and thought he knew what he was getting himself into but how wrong he was. The first battle he was in had scared the living daylights out of him, suddenly he was right in the middle of it, he heard roaring from orcs, screams and orders being shouted. Arrows shot by him and the stench of blood and death hang in the air like a thick sticky disgusting mist. The fear made him shiver like a leaf in the wind and he barely managed to protect himself from the first attacks. Then the adrenaline and terror pushed him to a threshold and beyond it and a strange sort of calm grasped him. He felt cold, as if all his emotions were gone. He remembered what he had learned and with the young ellon by his side he did manage to kill quite a lot of orcs that day. It became a frenzy, a fever. He was parrying and stabbing, swinging his sword screaming war cries and it felt as if he was flying, as if his fear gave him wings. He was hit by arrows and blades struck his armor but nothing slowed him down, it only made him fight with even greater fury than before.

When the day was over and that battle won he was among those who had killed most enemies and the warriors were impressed by him. He didn't notice his wounds or his utterly exhausted body until he reached his tent and sat down to be strapped out of the heavy leather armor. He had been praised by the officers and veterans and he had felt proud, almost light-headed and giddy. He was alive, it was the most insane feeling ever, he had never felt more alive. When he sat down it all hit him at once, the things he had seen and yet not, the blood, the dying bodies, the awful growling of orcs and the knowledge that he might be dead in the next second. He started to shiver, then he felt cold and trembling and the squire brought him some wine, he emptied the chalice in a desperate gulp and asked for more, he needed to be drunk, could not live with what he had seen if he wasn't able to numb his senses and his mind. When he was free from the armor he barely managed to eat some lembas and then he fell onto his hard narrow cot and shivered like a child.

There was no sleep for him that night, or in the nights to follow. He was deathly afraid every morning, not knowing whether or not  he would see another sunset or if he would have to confess his sins to Mandos before the end of the day. The mood in the camp was one of desperation, the warriors were drinking and singing and just feeling so much more alive than usually. It was as if they were trying to show their defiance and spit into the eye of the grim reaper. Thranduil was fighting every day now, he was getting good at it, too good at it. When he fought he was in a trance where nothing mattered and all that there was was the need to stay alive just a little longer, to defend his life with all his might. He became well known for being fearless, for having so much luck. Many would follow him through the melê and Oropher often scolded him for taking too many risks but he wouldn't listen. He only heard the dying screams of his brethren, saw the bloody lifeless faces and the staring eyes where the light and life was gone forever. Every night he cried for them, every night he would scream in his restless sleep, see it all over and over again. Antarar died in the second year of the campaign, skewered by an orc's spear in a minor battle. Thranduil had tried to get him to the healers but it had been too late and his friend had died in his arms, spitting blood, moaning and begging for Thranduil to end his agony, calling out for his mother. It almost brought the young prince to madness and for several days he was very dangerous to go near, even for his own friends. He prayed that he would grow accustomed to it all, that he would be used to the death and pain but he didn't. He got wounded and had to rest for days or even weeks and when he did he felt worse than ever. The letters from home was the only glimpse of hope he saw, he could sit there with Vanima's letters, hold them and just imagine her hands holding them for a long time before he even opened them. To him they were a treasure, a reminder of a world which seemed more far and distant for every day that crept by. He would read them again and again and he kept them in a locked little box he guarded like it was gold and jewels.

He would think of her when he was alone, of her golden hair and sky blue eyes, of the warmth in her eyes and the softness in her smile. He would remember the first time they met and grin and the memory of her was what kept him sane for most of the time. She was light and hope and everything pure and beautiful in this world. It was for her he was fighting, it was for her he endured this living hell. He would join his father in the meetings and he would let his opinion be heard but he did notice that they didn't pay that much attention to neither his father nor him. To the great leaders they were somehow of a lower rank, just forest elves and it made Thranduil feel rather angry and sad too. They were fighting just as hard as the others and suffered great losses and yet those edain and golodhrim dared to treat them as if they were inferior. The thought of Vanima often was what kept him in check, he couldn't do anything rash that maybe would lead to him not returning to her. He had to see her again, be with her once more.

After five years he was the only one left of the old group of friends, he was hardened by war and it was visible. The lean willowy young prince had been transformed to a warrior, scarred and muscular, he had become cold and calculating, cynical and hard. There was very little joy left in him by now and only the terrible nightmares managed to crack his façade. There was no hiding from them, not any more. They were imprinted within his mind and in some of them he knew that he was on the way to becoming a monster just as bad as the orcs. They had come across some orcs on one occasion, they had captured a small troop of elves and men and they had tortured them in the most horrible ways imaginable. Thranduil had felt a terrible cold anger at the sight of the dead bodies, he had been a frightening sight in his rage and he had become so famous even the orcs knew who he was by now.

The orcs had mutilated the dead, some were half eaten and the orcs had raped all of them, some while they were alive but many also when they had been dead for a while and the rage and disgust he felt was just too much for him to contain. They had captured some of the orcs alive and he had ordered that they were to be impaled on spears and lit on fire. They had poured oil over the orcs and he had stood there with cold eyes, listened to their desperate screams of pain. Oropher had become worried when he heard of this, the enemy could hit you in more ways than just physically and he feared for his son's sanity. When Thranduil was fighting he became like a machine, nothing could stand in his way. He was just a perfect fighter but Oropher feared that the price he would have to pay for this perfection would be his soul. But the war raged on, it was a standstill, they didn't get any further nor were they driven back.

The longing for home became too great and Thranduil did something which he never thought that he ever would, something he regretted terribly and which made him feel ashamed of himself and disgusted by his own lack of strength. The war did things with people, and the ecstasy of being alive after a battle did also affect the libido, it was a well-known fact among the soldiers. Many sought comfort in the arms of their comrades, even if they never usually would consider being with another male. But in a storm any port would do and there were also quite a lot of women following the army of the humans and one night he came across one of them outside of the healers tent. She probably helped out there and she was rather young and pretty and he felt a desperate need for comfort, for physical contact. He would never feel tempted by the body of another male, he had always favored females and she was very shapely and cute. And not at all unwilling, she saw an opportunity when she found one and she followed him to his tent that evening. It had been wild, insane. He had forgot everything for the moment, for the sensation of skin against his own, the sweet scent of a female and the ecstasy roaring through his veins. He did fuck that girl several times that night and when the morning came she was barely able to walk but very pleased with the five gold coins he gave her and he felt physically well but otherwise like crap. He did take a bath, which was almost unheard of since water was something they couldn't afford to waste in this dry barren land, and no matter how much he was scrubbing himself he couldn't help but feeling as though her scent and juices still clung to his skin. He had betrayed Vanima and every excuse he tried to come up with in his mind just fell dead to the ground. He had cheated on her, he was such a weak and idiotic fool.

He wanted to write to her, confess his sin and beg for forgiveness but he never found the words, he didn't want to cause her distress and so he waited and the longer he waited the harder it got. The fighting still went on, every day could be his last and this he knew too darn well but he couldn't bring himself to admit it, that he had betrayed her trust like this. The guilt stuck to him like glue and he slowly got used to it, it just drowned among the other feelings boiling within his tormented mind. Grief, fear, anger, hatred, depression, it became a porridge of darkness festering within his own soul and his temper which had been bad before became so much worse. Even Oropher was reluctant to talk to him when he had his darkest moments. In battle he would go berserk and kill everything that got within reach of his blade and only Oropher saw the fear in him, mind numbing and paralyzing.

But the king never managed to reach his son, the trauma of war had sunk its deadly claws deep into Thranduil's mind and from that there was no escape.

He betrayed himself again, the temptation got too strong and he brought another woman with him to his tent and cot, and it felt so wonderful , like he was more alive than before, and for a few fleeting moments less lonely, less lost. He felt like a wraith at times, like the very fêa in him had withered into something dark and dead but when he took a female he was able to feel again, if only for that moment. But he needed more, and more and soon everybody knew that the prince had developed quite an appetite for females and he took adeneth and ellith alike, were they willing then he would fuck them and sometimes he would have more than one during the night. Oropher complained, he was ruining his reputation and the king knew that this sort of behavior would have consequences later on, it would become imprinted within his mind and influence how he was to behave later in life but Thranduil didn't listen. And soon the females started to avoid him, he was becoming increasingly rough with them and he was becoming one they almost feared. He forgot his strength when he was caught by his own burning passion and fear and he knew deep within that it all was an attempt to flee from his real feelings, to hide them and bury them underneath a layer of lust and pleasure.

The war raged on for several years still and they were making slow progress, then it was decided that they were to march upon the very gates to Mordor at the Dagorlad and the plans were laid and the attack prepared. Thranduil felt a terrible doubt that night, he had never been that afraid before and he could have sworn that he heard the voices of his fallen comrades calling out to him, bidding him join them. He was so frightened he was shivering when they marched to battle that morning, he was convinced that this day was to be his last. He had dreamed of their banner being thrown to the ground that night, had seen the silver beech covered in blood and mud and he had woken up with a start, covered with sweat. He had so much he would have wanted to say and do before he stood before the throne of the doomsman but now it was probably too late. He hadn't even written to her during the last months and he was thankful that the drizzling rain hid his tears as he marched towards a certain death. They were to attack in an orderly fashion, by Gil-galad and Elendil's orders but Oropher was tired of waiting, tired of being seen as just a pawn, being hounded around as if he was somebody of no importance, tired of seeing his men being regarded as inferior to the noldorin warriors. Oropher lead the Silvan into a full out attack too early, and Thranduil knew then that the dream had been true. The house of Oropher would fall that day, he saw his father being struck by a black arrow, saw him go down and saw the light disappear from his eyes. He heard his own scream in pain, in denial. He smelled the warm blood pouring out of his father's body and within that moment his own mind got lost. He wanted to die, he wanted to join his father in death, to escape this nightmare, this madness. He had sinned and he would have to pay for that but he didn't care, he wanted to be gone from this world. He attacked the orcs like a madman, not caring if he got wounded, not caring if this was the end of all things. He fought until an orc managed to hit him across the head with a hammer and he stumbled and fell onto his knees, silently awaiting that last pain.

Then there was a flash of light and someone stood in front of him, shielding him from the orc, but he saw the orc through the ellon. Thranduil knew he had gone utterly insane, that he had lost it completely. There was no doubt about it. The orc backed off and the ellon turned his head, stared at Thranduil with sad eyes. "You must live Thran, live for her. Live for our future, the beech may be brought down but from its roots new sprouts will grow, go now, live!"

Thranduil stared with eyes wide with fear and a mouth wide open, it was Teren and he heard himself making a strange almost mewling sound before he got on his feet again and staggered back between the other warriors. He didn't know how he managed to get back to the safety of the camp, how he survived when so many others didn't. The attack was a catastrophe and he was brought to the healers where he collapsed totally and lay shivering and screaming in sorrow as they tended to his wounds. And after that everything changed and he knew that nothing ever would be the same again.

Vanima had gone to bed very late, she was so tired and she had forced herself to get some food and take a bath before she called it a day. They had been out in the woods that day gathering herbs and it had been very hard work indeed. Then she had helped the healers sorting everything out and washing the roots and leaves thoroughly, her hands felt like prunes afterwards. There was so much to do and she was grateful for it in some ways, she didn't have time to think about the visions and Galadriels words. The lady had returned home after a few weeks and Vanima found that she somehow in fact had missed her during the two years that had passed since her visit, Galadriel had a sort of silent strength to her, a dignity and elegance Vanima feared that she herself lacked completely.

 She had climbed into the bed, pulled the covers over her slowly and pulled his pillow into her embrace as she always did. She had almost fallen asleep when she felt a sudden chill, the room had become very cold and she sat up and rubbed her eyes, her own breath was visible as white fog and she felt a strange fear. Suddenly she saw a weak light in front of the bed and it shaped itself into the form of an elf. And then she recognized him and her mind stalled, she was unable to think, unable to feel, she just stared. Teren moved closer to her, she saw the room through him and the cold was intense but not as intense as the love and sadness in his eyes. He bowed his head. "My love, I am leaving now, I cannot ignore the calling of Mandos anymore. But I have done what I was supposed to, I have saved him my dear, he will return to you and the beech will grow strong once more."

Vanima just squeaked, she didn't manage to move a limb. He continued. "We were just a dream Vanima, a fantasy. I release you from the bond now, open your heart once more. One day we will meet again, until then remember me fondly but do not let the thing that was starting to grow between us kill your future."

Vanima reached out towards him but there was nothing there, just cold air. He smiled, a sad smile. "See, within this lays the future."

She suddenly saw a meadow in the woods, it was sunlight and warm and an elfling was running across the grass, a boy maybe four years old. He was grinning like mad and had beautiful blue eyes and light blond hair and he had a toy bow in his hand. Vanima saw someone move behind him and it was Thranduil, he stared at the child with fatherly love and pride and bent down to help the lad string the tiny bow. Then she saw a green leaf, just unfolded from the branch of a beech. The vision faded but Vanima knew what it meant, she knew what Galadriel had said to her too, it made sense now. Teren reappeared but just for a few seconds. "Until we meet once more Vanima, live well, be happy."

She whimpered and he was gone, she fell back into the bed and knew what her ultimate fate was. But she was not the one to back away from anything and she could only thank Teren for having made things clear to her. She sighed and closed her eyes. He would return to her, but not as the same ellon he had been before. She would be ready, she was strong, she would persevere and bring him back.

Two months later a messenger rode into the courtyard on a foaming horse, the message had used weeks to reach Greenwood, the fighting had reached a whole new level and everybody knew that this was it. Within the next months the war would be over, one way or the other. Vanima stood by the gates as the messenger stopped his horse, she already knew what he was about to say, her eyes were wide and black and he kneeled before her, bowed his head. "My queen"

Vanima felt her legs give in, felt how her head felt so strange and empty and light, A court lady grasped her by the elbow, stopped her from toppling over. She could only croak. "How, when?"

The messenger took a deep breath. "Two months ago, the king took an arrow and fell, it was at least quick, it happened two months ago, at the Dagorlad."

Vanima closed her eyes, the night Teren had appeared for her. She nodded and let the messenger get up. She took the papers and recognized Thranduil's handwriting on them, as in a dream she turned around and walked into the palace once more. She was so pale she looked ghostlike and she walked towards the main hall, calling out to the servants to gather the counsellors. Before long they were all gathered and she saw realization dawning within their eyes, they all just stared. She hawked, her throat felt constricted somehow but she held her chin up high, and her eyes were blazing with both sorrow and a sort of pride. She did indeed look like a true queen there and then. "My lords, I have received a message now this morning. I am sorry to inform you that our King, our beloved Oropher has fallen, it was two months ago. Thranduil is now our liege and lord."

There was a weird eerie silence, then they all got up as one and fell to their knees in an age old gesture of respect. "The king is dead, long live the king."

The words floated through the air and Vanima looked down, shocked to find tears rolling down her cheeks. The counsellors looked up and saw her grief and her strength and the eldest of them who had been the closest to Oropher raised his voice. "Today we have a queen of Greenwood, long live the queen, blessed be our queen."

They repeated the words and she fell into a chair, sobbing and gasping as the true meaning of this sank in. She sat there until one of the counsellors brought her a glass of wine, he was old and very wise and although he rarely agreed with her he did respect her and she respected him back for his arguments were always sound and wise even when she found them to be too conservative and old fashioned. "Things will change for you from now on my lady. You are now a queen and there are new rules by which you must live."

She stared at him, incredulously. "What? What do you mean?"

Gherion smiled, a sad but gentle smile, like the one you would use to calm down a frightened child. "You were a princess, and as such you could do pretty much as you pleased. But now you are a queen and as such there are things you no longer can do."

She drank greedily of the wine. "Such as?"

Gherion poured her some more wine. "Being alone with an ellon, even if it is one of the guards. There must be no stains on your reputation from now on, nothing which can make anyone doubt your honorability and right to rule. I know that you and Harathan have grown rather close during the last year but from now on you can only speak with him whenever the rest of us counsellors are present or you have your ladies with you."

Vanima just stared at him. "Are you serious?! He is a counsellor and yes he is a good friend but thinking that way is just…absurd. "

Gherion nodded with a sad glimpse within his eyes. "Yes, it is and we all know that but like I said, there can be no doubt. Others may use any mistake you do to their benefit and to your ruin, remember this. So from this day forth you can never be alone unless you are in your own chambers and then there will be two guards outside of the doors. Those are the rules my lady. You cannot run around wearing workers clothes and you can't leave the palace again until the king has safely returned. If something were to happen to you this realm would be leaderless."

She let her head fall forward into her hands. "Oh gods!"

Gherion sighed and took her hand, very gently. "My lady, you have already been our queen for several years now, and you have done an amazing job. You have given us hope and light and joy and we cannot thank you enough for this. Fear not, nobody would ever hurt you but the political landscape of our realms will be changed, many have fallen and many of those were in power. We have to protect you."

She sobbed and bit her lower lip. "I know, but it is so terribly hard to fathom."

He patted her on her hand and his smile was filled with a sort of tender sadness. "You are still so young my lady, alas that such burdens has to be carried by such tender shoulders. But know that we all will help you carry this burden and we will never fail you."

She squeezed his hand back. "I know, thank you, thank you so much"

That day the news spread through the realm and soon laments were being sung and many gathered to mourn their beloved king. Vanima had a terrible lump in her throat, Thranduil hadn't written to her in months, and the last letters had been so cold, so business like. There had been no hints of emotion within them and she feared that he had forgotten her, that the love he had proclaimed when he left was just a dying ember extinguished as soon as it was brought to life. She suddenly feared his return, feared to see that the soft light in his eyes had vanished and been replaced by indifference and cold.

The court was transformed as well, the ladies suddenly treated her in a different way, where she had been a close friend, one of them, she now had become something else, something they had to address in certain ways and if Vanima had felt lonely before it was nothing compared with what she now felt. Everybody kept their distance as if she was carrying some deadly disease and she wept herself to sleep every night. She would pound her fist against her pillow and curse Oropher for being killed and then she would praise the Valar for having spared her husband and then curse them too for making her a queen. She would pray every night, pray for his safe return, pray for an ending to the war but she remembered Galadriels words, even when it would seem to be over it wouldn't be. Evil would prevail somehow.

The war came to its end, Sauron was felled when Isildur cut his fingers off and claimed the one ring and the dark lord's forces crumbled and fled and were massacred without leaders to follow. But the victory came at a terrible price. Greenwood had lost two thirds of their warriors and even though they had been allowed to fight only as archers from the back lines for the rest of the war Thranduil seriously doubted that they ever would manage to get over the loss of so many brave ellyn. His grief was burning like the bowels of mount Orodruin and his anger was just as red hot. Oropher had maybe been soft enough to bow for the will of the others but Thranduil was not. Never again would his people bow to anyone and he took command of his troops and didn't let any other give them orders. Gil-Galad and Elendil had fallen and when Elrond the herald and Erestor came to offer their condolences they didn't see the somewhat immature willowy young prince who had followed his father into battle. They came face to face with a formidable king, with a creature forged by war and blood, a force of nature as adamant as the bones of the very earth itself. Everything soft or meek within Thranduil had been replaced until he resembled the blades he carried, sharp lethal and elegant and just as cold. They knew his reputation and suddenly they realized that this was one elf who would have a great impact upon the future, someone with whom they could not afford to become enemies. His words to them were harsh, spoke of anger and they knew why. The noldor had treated the forest elves as if they were expendable and he knew this. If there were to be peace and good relationships between the realms they would have to be very careful not to step to close to this new king. Getting him as an enemy would be very unwise indeed, his strength was great and he had proved to be as sly and cunning as a snake if he had to be. They had underestimated Oropher and now they did see that his son probably was twice as mad and ten times stronger.

Isildur refused to destroy the one ring and it got lost at the battle of Gladden fields when the fallen kings son tried to escape by swimming across the river and was betrayed by the evil piece of jewelry. There were lots of orcs left to kill and much to do so it wasn't before long after the end of the war that the terribly decimated Greenwood troops could return to their home. Thranduil was grim now, he never smiled, never laughed and there was such a chill in his eyes as if the whole of helcaraxe had settled within his gaze. He was intimidating, even his own soldiers feared him, they had seen what happened to him when the battle fever overtook him and they knew too darn well that this state of mind burned you out. To one who had been caught by that terrible joy too many times everyday life would seem empty, dull, like a slow death. How many had not gone insane after having returned from battle? How many had not faded away, just laid there allowing their faêr to release its hold of the hroa and go to Mandos? Thranduil was too strong for that to happen, the anger and sorrow was burning too fiercely in him, instead he could become something so much worse than a fading wreck. He could very well become an elf with a soul more akin to that of an orc, a soul addicted to fighting and killing and darkness. They all feared this and their hope lay in the queen. Her light could perhaps save him, they could only pray that it would be enough.

The journey back home was no march in triumph, no glorious event filled with cheer and excitement. It was a slow walk in sorrow and loss and nobody laughed or sang. They had left like an army of ghosts and as an army of ghost they were to return. Two out of three ellyn had fallen, it would take centuries before they had regained their former population if they ever did.

Thranduil rode in front of the slow procession, his head bowed as if in shame and he felt a terrible burden of guilt and sorrow. How was he to tell them all that their fathers, their sons and brothers had fallen? How was he to stand there, alive and well when so many had died? How was he ever to face his Vanima again knowing he had done what he had?

She was the very light itself, the one true good thing in the world and what was he if not some soiled corrupted wicked thing infested with darkness and evil? He was not worthy of her, the forest elves they met on the way told him how brave she was, how she had taken care of everything, how she had been leading them through seven long years and the realm had thrived under her hand and rule.

He had no idea of how to greet her, of what to expect. He remembered her so well, even her scent but he didn't dare to hope that she would feel happy when she saw him once more. He felt responsible for the deaths, for the agony of those who had lost their beloved ones and he felt as though he ought to be punished somehow, that his own pain was insufficient in redeeming his soul. He grieved for his father, still he saw that grave, dug into the boggy marshland, saw the water soaked earth being tossed over his father's body. He could still smell the marsh, freshly turned earth, the sickening sweet stench of decaying flesh. Elven bodies did rot very fast compared with those of humans and it hadn't taken long before his father's body started to stink. They could not bring him with them home, there were no way to embalm a corpse there and he could not stand the thought of his father being burned like carrion. So a grave had been made even if it was in a goddamn bog. He had sat there for hours, crying his eyes out, remembering all those happy moments and over and over again he cursed the Valar for having taken his father and not him. How could he ever hope to become anywhere near what his father had been to their people? He didn't have Orophers wisdom and skills, not his patience and ability to see through the façade many put up to hide their true self. He would have to trust his counsellors and his wife. She knew the way to rule better than he did now, and the thought was almost humbling, it made him bow his head again in even more shame.

He would have to swallow all his pride and accept that she probably knew more about this than he did and he spent the last night before they reached the palace in a state of controlled panic. What would she say?? What would she do? Did she look the same way as she had? A thought crossed his mind and it was terrifying, seven years was a very long time, what if…? No, she would not, she had promised to wait for him or had she? But what if she had met someone, someone more worthy of her than he? Their marriage hadn't been consummated, it wasn't legally binding. She could leave him if she wanted to and all of a sudden he feared this more than anything else. She had been his hope, his light during those awful terrible years. When he lay there on his cot, seeing the faces of all the friends he had lost he thought of her and it chased the darkness away, left him with hope. He could not afford to lose her but how was he to prevent that? He knew what he had become, he wasn't the same ellon as he had been when he left. He carried such a horrible burden with him and how was he to avoid it from staining her pure soul. He lay there tossing around in mental agony long before he fell asleep. He dreamt of a forest then, an old and dark forest, gloomy and filled with shadows and whispering voices, reeking of decay. It was a place of death instead of growth. He wandered about, lost within this dark maze of dying trees where no sunlight hit the slimy moss. Then he came across a fallen beech, broken by a storm. It was rotting away but a piece of its root was still planted firmly in the ground and a small branch stretched out from it, reaching for sunlight and life. On the branch a single leaf grew and he felt a sudden peace while looking at it. It will be ok, everything will be fine. His inner voice was soft, young. Perhaps a last reminder of the lad he once had been, innocent and free of sorrow. Now sorrow was all that he was and he sighed as he drifted into deeper sleep.

The next day they broke camp and he was looking forward to seeing the palace once more, the Emyn Duir was beautiful and the scent of the forest was so welcoming and well known. It chased away the memory of the terrible stench of Mordor, of the dry air, the baking heat and the ever present dust that had been everywhere, in the food, the clothes the water. It felt as though he was returning to more than his home but to who he really was and the trees were welcoming them with joy but also with sadness. He hesitated as they got closer to the gates and his horse sensed its rider's nervousness and tossed its head, tried to step sideways. He calmed it down with a firm hand and stared ahead. The scouts had long known that the army was approaching and everybody had showed up to greet them. Many already knew that their beloved ones never would return and laments and cries of sorrow filled the air together with shouts of joy and relief. It was a racket like none other and he blocked it out, his eyes desperately searching for that one person, that one soul that could truly redeem him, save him from the darkness that still was snapping at his heels. Then he saw her, she stood by the gate, dressed in a dark purple dress that made her pale skin and golden locks even more striking than before and he whimpered like a puppy that's been kicked and felt his heart jump in his chest. She saw him too, her face lit up with a mixture of hope and shock and he knew why. He didn't even look the same as before. He had left as a youth, but he returned as a war hardened warrior and he was afraid that she would find him repulsive now. That he would frighten her. He stopped his horse, slid out of the saddle and took those last steps towards her, gods she was so thin, so pale. Her eyes were dark and he saw tears running down her cheeks. He slowly raised his hand, pulled his gauntlet off and let his finger glide across her skin, dried away a tear. "Vanima?"

His voice trembled, his own eyes filled with tears and suddenly he couldn't stand it any longer, he just couldn't. He fell to his knees, grabbed her and pressed his face towards her chest, let his tears run free. "Oh meleth, you are here, you are real"

She bit her lower lip, stared down at him and embraced him gently. "Of course I am Thran, I promised didn't I?"

He just sobbed and his shoulders shook as he cried in wild sobs against her dress. Nobody saw it as strange, nor as a sign of weakness. All they saw was someone finally reunited with his mate and there were smiles among the ladies of the court. To them this was romantic and showed how deeply bonded the two were. Vanima kissed the top of his head, stroked his matted tangled hair and raised his chin towards her. "My king, your queen has a request"

He took a deep breath. "Yes, whatever you wish for my dear."

She smiled and kissed his brow. "My first wish is that you follow me to the baths and get rid of that armor of yours, you stink of orc and I do not want that smell tainting my home"

He suddenly had to laugh, why he did not know but there was something almost hysterical about it, the idea of his stench polluting the palace. It was so normal, what to expect from a good housewife, he got on his feet, kissed her fiercely and she didn't even flinch. "Of course my dear, lead the way. And my first order as the king of this realm is that today everybody shall rest and tomorrow we will have a coronation, and a ceremony to remember those we have lost and to celebrate our victory."

There was a silent buzz of agreement coming from the elves around them and then she took his hand and led him away like you would lead a horse to its stable and he let her do it, never letting his eyes stray from her even once.


	6. Out of the darkness

Ok, so he is back from the war but he isn't the same elf as he was before, it becomes very clear in this chapter. He has brought the war with him, caught within his own mind. When someone has lived in terror and fear for a long time it affects them and they can become very different from who they were originally. He is suffering from post traumatic stress disorder and it is wreaking havoc on his mind and soul. This chapter is Mature/Adult in nature due to domestic abuse, violence and general darkness and unpleasantness. I just thought that since elves are creatures of light they are either too strong to be affected by PTSD as humans do or it will hit them even harder than it does us. 

The lyrics below are from the album Nightfall in middle earth by the band Blind Guardian, they have a lot of Tolkien inspired music and I love it all, this album is the silmarillion compressed and I think these lines of lyrics fit the situation just perfectly. And as always, I do not own the characters except from my own.

**Chapter six: Out of the darkness**

I feel like screaming

 But I can't breathe in

 Shall I wane right now

 I will not leave this

 World of living

 Till she has said

 Goodbye

 

 Out in the cold

 I still wait for her call

 And her last kiss

 It shall be release

 I can't forget her

 Her face will not leave

 From the depths of my soul

 I long for her

 

 So I heard all about it

 Her voice's so clear

 She's woven both themes in there

 Moved me to tears

 The world shall hear this sad song

 Song of sorrow song of grief

 Can't change the way of his kind

 Can't change the way of her kin

 

_Blind guardian: "When sorrow sang "from "Nightfall in middle earth"_

__

Vanima went straight to the baths and he followed her feeling extremely nervous and confused. She acted differently now, gone was the young elleth used to an easy living. She walked with confidence, talked the same way. There was strength within her gaze and it was a new and different kind of strength, she had matured a lot and he could see the sorrow in her too. She knew what they had lost, how the war had affected them all. He felt a sensation of awe when looking at her, she did really look like a queen. The baths were deserted and he sat down on a bench, realizing how terribly tired he was. His head spun like crazy and he felt that the darkness was somewhat comforting, it shielded him from the truth, from the guilt and shame threatening to devour his very soul. Vanima started unstrapping his armor, she worked fast and with steady hands and he saw something new within her now, something he hadn't noticed before. She didn't seem to be bothered by his presence and it made him wonder why. She got the armor off, tossed it into a corner and then she helped him with his boots and jacket. Thranduil hesitated, he didn't know whether or not he could just strip in front of her, before he left he could not and he wasn't sure of what to do. Vanima sent him a calm glance, she looked a bit annoyed in fact. "Get it off, all of it. It stinks and it isn't as if I haven't seen you before, besides, I have worked as a healer for many years now."

He sighed, she was all professional now, acting like a healer and not as his wife at all. He pulled off his tunic and his pants and then his underwear and she just stood there, looking very calm and collected. She pressed her eyebrows together when she saw his by now rather impressive collection of scars, she was a bit shocked and he tried to smile. "Do not worry, they will fade into nothing, in time."

She cocked her head, studied him with the same cool expression as she would when examining a horse she might buy. "I know this off course but you have not taken good care of yourself. What is this?"

She pointed at a particularly bad one, crossing his ribs just beneath his right chest muscle, it was ragged and long and not pretty at all. He tried to give her a wry grin but it failed, it became a grimace. "An orc's axe, got me good but I did better, I got his head."

Vanima shook his head. "Males, always trying to make a joke about everything, and this one?" She stared at a scar on his back, running parallel with his spine. "Ah, that is a little unclear to me, I guess it was a spear, it cut straight through the leather."

Vanima looked almost angry, and he felt afraid all of a sudden. Had he escaped death and ruin just to return home and face the wrath of that very fiery elleth he remembered from their first meeting? "How many times were you close to dying Thran, do not lie to me!"

He tried to smile again. "How many stars are there in the skies, that's a question easier to answer I fear."

She scoffed and took his clothes, threw them into a basket, he stood there feeling shy and embarrassed and he felt like some weird animal on display. "Into the water with you Thran, you smell like… a pig-sty!"

He chuckled in spite of it all, tried to act with dignity as he walked into the water. He had never been so self-conscious and shy before but now he was. He wondered what she was thinking about him, what the sight of him made her feel.

Vanima was in shock but she had gotten used to hide her feelings very well by now, he had changed so much, he was almost unrecognizable. He still had his height of course but he had gotten so much broader and more toned and she knew that even though he was thin he weighed much more than he had when he left. His body had bulked up, probably as a result of all the hard physical labor and the scars were such a terrible reminder of the true reality of it all. She knew that he had been through hell but had he brought it with him home or had he managed to leave it all behind? He sighed with relief as the hot water embraced him, he had dreamt of something like this, of warmth and security and just the comforts of home. He wasn't going to take any of that for granted anymore.

Vanima had fetched several bottles of soaps and ointments and she told him to sit down on the seats carved into the wall of the pool so she could wash his hair. He did, leaning back towards the head rest, letting her pour hot water over his body. It felt so good, it was unreal. He was so relaxed for the first time in years and before he really knew it he drifted off into sleep. Vanima just smiled, a somewhat sad grin. She gently washed his hair while he was laying there, so tired he didn't stir even when she had to cut some of his long silvery blond locks to get the tangles out. It had grown to full length now, reached the small of his back and he probably had worn it braided most of the time. When he was clean she gently nudged him awake and he just blinked and was rather shocked by the fact that he had dozed off like that. She got him out of the water even though she would have loved to let him stay, but it was never a good idea to sleep like that. He needed food and a real bed first. He dried himself off and tried not to blush while she stood there, waiting with a dressing robe in her hands. He felt dizzy, half asleep and nothing seemed to be real. He was afraid to wake up and find himself back in the tent, on the cold hard cot with just death and fear to look forward to once more. Vanima then took him to the private little dining room meant just for the royal family, they rarely ever used it but now she thought that he would be better off not having to deal with everybody else. The butler brought food, baked vegetables, chicken and bread and cheese and wine, real wine. Not the darn horsepiss they had been drinking for the last years. He suddenly discovered that he was hungry, so very hungry. He had to fight hard not to just stuff his face like a maniac and eat like a civilized person. Vanima had some food too but it wasn't hard to tell that she ate very little. He saw it now, the dark rings underneath her eyes, the visible veins in her arms, the fatigued expression in her face.

He had been fighting with cold steel in his hands, she had been fighting with her strong will and even stronger spirit. Her fight had perhaps been no less vicious than his, just a little less bloody. He admired her even more now, she was truly unique. Vanima watched him eat and she found that she was glad he had his appetite still. He had to have lived on just lembas and few other things and seeing him truly enjoying a good meal was great. He drank a whole glass of wine but said no to more than that, he wasn't used to such liquids any longer and didn't want to get drunk. He feared what that state might unleash from his mind, there were things hiding in there he didn't want to share with anyone, Vanima least of all.

They finished the meal with some pieces of a fruitcake the cook had made just for him, it had always been his favorite and as he felt that sweet familiar taste in his mouth it really dawned on him that he was home, that he was safe. It was over, the war was over. He gasped and Vanima took his hand, squeezed it hard. "It is alright Thran."

He felt tears swelling in his eyes and the butler had to discretely remove some from his own cheeks, he had begun to fear that his master never would return again. It was such a day of bitter sweetness, alas that they were to live in such times but the enemy was defeated and peace would return. Thranduil used a napkin to wipe away the tears and Vanima caught his eyes, hers were so calm, so soft and yet there was a ferocity within them that told him that she would have fought to the bitter end if Greenwood had come under attack in his absence. She would never allow anything to happen to her people while she still drew breath.

She had ordered the chamber maidens for their room to be cleaned and new sheets and bed spreads to be found. The room had been heated up and prepared and he staggered more than walked as she opened the door and followed him in. The wine and the food make him extremely sleepy and she pushed him towards the bed, he didn't resist at all, didn't speak. His eyes were already clouded by sleep and she pushed him down and lifted his legs into the bed, pulled the soft covers over him and he was already sleeping. She stood there, staring at him with a very sad expression on her face. When they first got married he had looked so innocent when he slept, so youthful. Now he looked worried, afraid, tormented. There were lines in his face that hadn't been there before, visible when he made a grimace and she let her hand slide across his cheek just once before she left the room to let him sleep in peace.

She stopped outside of the door, leaning back against it with her eyes closed. She remembered what Galadriel had said, she had to help him overcome the things he had seen, the things he had done. He had to become whole once more and she thought that she already knew at least some of his problems. He still had problems believing that this all was true, that he no longer had to fight. It would require a lot of her, she would have to face not her own demons but his and she feared that this could be a hard fight indeed. To cleanse a mind like his would take time, effort and most of all patience and stubbornness. She could not back down, could not give in even once because then this very important battle would be lost. She knew that Isildur had fallen, that the ring of power was missing and she felt that this was what Galadriel had been unable to see. From this seed evil would reemerge and they had to be ready when the time came. She had to make sure that they were.

Vanima made sure that everybody was being fed, that there was enough food and room for everyone and the palace was filled with an almost sinister atmosphere that evening. The truth had slowly seeped into their minds, the true scale of their losses became more than numbers or names but faces and voices they had known and loved. Some felt the euphoria of having their loved ones returned to them alive but for too many the opposite was real. Vanima went to bed in a guestroom that night, she had a hard time falling to sleep. This was when it started on her behalf, this was the beginning of her fateful battle and if she lost then they would all loose. She sighed and forced herself to relax, only the Valar knew what would happen now and maybe not even they could foresee the full extent of destinies intricate dance. They said that she had the temper of a she dragon, now they would have to see if she also had the strength of one.

The morning light was piercing and at first he was utterly confused, he had not seen light like that for many a year, it seemed that the skies above Mordor had been clouded the entire time. Then he remembered where he was and he took a deep breath, had to close his eyes to keep himself under control. The feelings rushing through him were truly overwhelming and he sat there with his eyes closed for a while. He slowly turned his head, took a peek at the other side of the bed. Nobody had slept in it and he bit his lower lip in a strange mix of disappointment and acceptance. He should have known it, she would not share his bed, not yet. Maybe never. For all he knew she was just polite towards him, saw him as a sort of project. He could not hope that she would feel anything more towards him now than before he left, how could she by the way?

He saw that it was getting late, the sun was high above the horizon already and he had to get up. He could not give his subjects the impression that he was getting lazy now could he? He got out of bed and went to the bathroom, even that was something which to him was a bit of a thrill now, a real bathroom. Out there they had dug latrines and after just a few days they were stinking and disgusting and he had hated them. He got dressed and knew that he from now on had to look like a king, and act like one. He sighed and felt that burden fall onto him like a ton of bricks. He looked at himself in the mirror, almost with reluctance and was shocked by what he saw. He could not remember having looked so somber, so sad? He did no longer look like a prince, that was for sure and he closed his eyes for a second. "Oh Ada, how I miss you. How am I going to do this alone?"

He took a deep breath, tried to hold his back straight and his chin up and then he walked out of the door, ready for his first day as the king of Greenwood. He met Vanima in the hallway, she was wearing a dark blue dress and looked no less lovely than the day before. She smiled and he felt a weird fluttering feeling within his chest at the sight of that smile. "Have you had a pleasant night?"

He nodded. "Yes, I have slept like a log."

Vanima took him by his elbow, smiled at the courtiers passing by, waved her hand at some children running past them, she was beaming and to everybody she had to look like a picture of perfect happiness. "There is breakfast waiting for you, we are preparing the coronation in the grand hall, it is to happen at sunset."

He cringed, looked down. "I am not so sure that I am ready for that, not just yet anyhow?"

She smiled but there was sadness in that smile. "I know, but there is no way around it I am afraid. Our people need to see that they have a king, a leader. They need to see that there is hope for a better peaceful future."

He sighed and tried to smile, it all felt so weird. "And until that ceremony?"

Vanima petted his hand. "You are to meet with the counsellors who are to tell you all that has happened while you were away and update you on matters of state and so on."

He groaned and rolled his eyes. "Oh Valar, I would rather fight orcs!"

Vanima just sent him one of her calm glances. "I know you would, but see this as a different kind of battle. Believe me, I have dealt with everything from merchants to people wishing to settle within this forest and some were no less vicious or pig-headed than orcs"

He managed to grin. "You are saying this to make me feel better."

She shrugged and opened the door to the dining room. "Maybe I am, maybe I am not, eat now, you will need your strength."

He sat down and felt overwhelmed by the amount of food, of real food. The rations they had been giving on the campaign had been terrible at the end and he showed such joy over simple things like jam and fresh bread. He had dreamed of the smell of fresh bread and ate until he felt completely stuffed. Afterwards he walked to the office to meet the counsellors and he knew that from this day forth everything would change for him. There was no way back.

Vanima was busy preparing for the ceremony and the feast that was to follow it, luckily there were plenty of elves gathered there at the moment and they finished the preparations in time. Vanima then went to take a bath and change and her chambermaidens were excited. Today she became their queen also officially and she had to look the part. She had known that this day would come and so she had gotten a gown sown that should satisfy everybody, It was in a pale tone of dark green and it made her look very regal and ethereal. When it was put on she also got some jewelry that belonged to the queen of the realm and when she saw her own reflection she knew that she was staring at someone she really wasn't, not on the inside.

Thranduil had also gotten some new clothes and he looked just as stunning and just as nervous. He didn't really know what to say but luckily he didn't really have to say that much, just some promises to the people. Vanima would have to say even less and she hoped that he managed to look as strong and confident as he did in private also when they were out there, in front of everybody. Vanima gave him her hand and they both brazed themselves before they left the room they had stood in and walked out among their subjects, there was many a gasp of admiration and Vanima managed to smile, to look as gentle and caring as usual even though her heart beat like mad in her chest.

They stood in front of one of the Silvan elders who was well respected and functioned as a sort of priest or shaman. He chanted blessings and incantations which would ensure that their reign was long and would blossom. Then the nobles of the court came forth and swore their allegiance and never ending loyalty to their new king. The ladies of the court would pass by and each of them kissed Vanima's hand, she felt peculiar, almost on the brink of bursting into a fit of laughter, it was so absurd. The priest brought forth a cup of wine and Thranduil took a sip from it before Vanima had to do the same. Then the rest of the wine was poured out as a sacrifice to the earth itself, from now on they were regarded as representatives of the gods themselves and the powers of nature. Two thrones had been placed in the middle of the main garden, they were simple and yet beautifully carved and both had to sit down and Vanima managed to get seated without getting stuck or anything. She tried to look graceful but felt like a klutz.

The crowd was silent, they watched the couple with eager eyes, they all wanted to see if these two indeed could bring their realm into a new golden age. Thranduil had to get up first, then he knelt down on the ground and the shaman spoke again in a very ancient dialect nearly nobody knew. They all heard a strange sound coming from the forest, like a breeze had passed through the branches but there was no wind to speak of.  The shaman grinned. "They are welcoming you, they are blessing you, you are one of us now Thranduil Oropherion, one of the forestfolk."

Thranduil took a deep breath of relief, he felt a bit dizzy. That the forest itself blessed him made him feel a heck of a lot better.

The nobles were kneeling too and the shaman brought the crown and the wooden staff, he started singing something very beautiful and yet sad and Thranduil winced when he felt the crown being placed upon his head. Vanima sat so close she could see a silvery tear trickle down his cheek. The shaman raised his hand. "From this day forth you shall never again have to kneel to no one, rise king Thranduil of Greenwood."

He got up, gracefully and with elegance and Vanima could not help but feel impressed by the great dignity he seemed to carry like a cloak. Thranduil cleared his throat and his deep soft voice could be heard by them all as he took his oath. He swore to be their protector, to be their leader and to guard the realm with all of his might and all of his soul. To the very end of time this oath would stand true and she saw the pride in his gaze as he spoke those words, she also saw his courage and strength and knew that he would die before he even though of breaking this oath. Everybody kneeled now, their faces to the ground and some were chanting something that sounded extremely ancient and very definitely silvan. Vanima was next, she had to get up, kneel next to him and be blessed and a smaller and more feminine crown was placed upon her head. It felt as though it weighed a million tons.

She said her vows too and they both stood there and received the cheering and blessings from the crowd before they were allowed to sit down once more. Vanima had a feeling of being in a dream, she had problems understanding that it was real. As it was custom the leading members of their community brought gifts and some of the silvan did the same. Vanima could hardly believe what she saw but Thranduil was as calm as a cucumber and just smiled and thanked everybody gracefully. He had been taught well by his father and he didn't show anyone any favors, he thanked everyone equally wholeheartedly. Then the feast began and Vanima had wished that she could just relax and enjoy herself as she would have done earlier but she could not. If she was to dance she had to dance with Thranduil and they were the first in everything now. The first to toast, the first to taste the food and the first to dance. Luckily he still liked dancing cause she hated just sitting there like some doll.

The evening went by, dancing, tasting the food, toasting, dancing some more, congratulations, handshakes, blessings and even more dancing. She felt exhausted when the night fell and her head was spinning Thranduil was dancing with her once more, slowly with his cheek towards hers and it had to be very uncomfortable to him since he had to bow down a lot to be able to do that. People were leaving and Thranduil stared at her, there was something very vulnerable in his gaze. "Will you stay with me tonight?"

His voice was low and almost pleading and she nodded. "Of course, I will never again be parted from you, you should know that by now"

He let out a sigh of relief and smiled. Vanima hoped that he didn't get the wrong idea, she wasn't ready to go that far just yet. She knew that she would have to take that step, but she didn't know when it would be necessary. They left together and walked to their chambers in silence. Vanima knew that this had been her last day as an ordinary elleth, from the morrow she would have to act like a true queen and her mind dreaded the whole thing. But there was no way back. She would have to help him rule, he was inexperienced and young and she had already ruled for seven years. She just hoped that he would listen to her advice.

Thranduil went into the bathroom to change and she got rid of her clothes and put on a nightgown, crawled into bed. She just hoped that he wouldn't show any amorous intents this night, she wasn't ready for that. He returned and was wearing a dressing robe, slid underneath the covers and laid down. He stared at the ceiling, his eyes distant. "If you just knew how weird this feels."

She bit her lower lip. "What?"

He lifted his hand. "This, the bed, the room, the comforts."

Vanima did pity him then, she knew that life had to have been very hard indeed out there. He swallowed hard. "I mean, even such a simple thing as a glass of water, it was almost impossible to find water and what we found was foul and stinking and filled with filth. Not even the dogs the Edain brought would touch it. And taking a bath? Impossible."

With those last words he cringed and went pale and she frowned. "Thranduil, what is wrong?"

He took a deep breath, shivering. Suddenly it came back to him, the guilt and the shame. The things he had done in desperation and fear of dying. The betrayal of which he was guilty. He wanted to tell her, oh how he wanted to get this load off his chest and soul but the words stuck in his throat. She would loathe him afterwards, he would stain her, pollute her pure soul with the filth he had gathered within. "I…I…"

He didn't manage to say anything more, just shivered and she saw the tears on his cheeks. She grasped his hand. "I know it must have been terrible Thran, and I know you must have suffered. Believe me, you can tell me anything, everything. "

He shook his head. "Not this Vanima, no, not this."

She sighed and turned over, her face so fair in the candle light and he thought that she looked like one of the Valar, like a goddess. "Yes Thranduil, you are wounded, but the wound is not on your hroa but in your fêa. You need to heal and to do that you have to let go of it, of it all. The horrors, the fear and the death. It was but it will never again be, believe this."

He choked a sob. "Oh Vanima, you are so much more wise than me. How can I possibly repay you for your loyalty, for these seven years?"

She caught his eyes with her own. "By letting it out, by letting me heal you. Tell me one thing Thran, one thing. We will start with that, you will see it is getting better as we go along. We have much time ahead of us, one step at a time is enough."

He took a deep breath, shivering from the very core of his soul. He was back once more, alone in the tent, alone on a cold hard cot with just a filthy blanket to warm his shivering body and a glass of cheap wine for comfort. He heard the moans from the wounded, the screams and the laments being sung. He smelled the stench of mud and blood and rotting meat, the terrible smell from the latrines and the healing tents. He saw the healers running around wild eyed and bloody, unable to do anything but easing the worst pain and perhaps save a few. He saw the warriors sitting by the fires, nothing but darkness in their eyes and nothing but death in their hearts. He saw the orcs and the wargs, the power of the dark lord and he felt like an insect once more, so tiny and weak and easy to crush.

Suddenly she was grasping him, shaking him. "Thranduil, you are hallucinating, screaming!"

He stared at her, wild eyed, he had drifted too far back. He sobbed and broke into crying, hid his face towards her neck again, sought comfort like a child seeks its mother. She whispered to him, soft gentle words and he remembered the feeling he had had when he took those women back in the camp. He had laid there with their bodies next to him, it had brought him some comfort, sated his carnal desires but it left him feeling more and more empty and hollow. It had been meaningless, without purpose. It had only made him feel more miserable even though it felt so terribly good right there and then. He had always been hot blooded and he had very strong urges for one of the eldar. But he had been in control of himself up to then, the fear and the chaos and the despair had broken down every wall that he had, laid his defenses open wide and he had fallen for temptation like a rock being dropped from a high tower. He shuddered, felt the warmth of her and how she breathed, slowly and calmly. He closed his eyes and tried to gather that last spark of spiritual strength. He took a deep breath and then he forced the words out. "Vanima, I have been unfaithful to you, I have…I have lain with other women while I was away!"

She sighed and stroked his hair, he waited for her to push him away, to shout out her disgust of him, to become furious. She just sighed, her hands so soft and gentle upon his head. "Thran, I don't care, it was a war. I am sure you were filled with despair and scared and so terribly lonely."

He nodded slowly. "I was, but that doesn't excuse my actions. I slept with whores Vanima, just to feel something else than fear and anger. But it didn't help, it didn't help at all."

She closed her eyes, a sad smile on her lips. "Of course it didn't, but know that I forgive you. After all, our own marriage is everything but normal or what? You have your needs, and the body reacts to stress in strange ways. Worry not Thran, we will make that darkness nothing more than a hurtful memory."

He could only sob and cling onto her as though she was his only hope, Vanima sighed and continued stroking his hair until she felt that his breath became slow and deep and he no longer moved. His eyes were glazed with sleep and she slowly shifted her position until she too could sleep comfortably. He had confessed the one thing that probably had been tormenting his consciousness the most, and it was a huge step but she knew that it was only the beginning. This was a mere brick in a huge fortress and she would have to be very adamant and remember that sometimes she would have to be cruel to be kind. Their future depended upon it. She allowed herself to drift off to sleep knowing that it would be a rough time ahead of her, she whispered a prayer swiftly, hoping that the Valar would make this transition from being a warrior to becoming a king easy on him but she somehow knew already that those hopes would be in vain.

She was right, the next days and weeks turned to months and she had never had such a challenge before, he wasn't getting better as time went by, he was getting much worse. In the beginning he was learning, he was eager to become a good sovereign to his subjects and he took Vanima's advice with grateful words and he used them too. He managed to get an overview of the situation rather fast and he was working in a way that told her that Oropher indeed had trained him well. He was meticulous and did never act rash or made the wrong decision, the counsellors was positively surprised by the maturity he showed and his ability to concentrate himself on the tasks ahead. He was going to be a wonderful king, of that there were no question. His personal life on the other hand was falling apart at an alarming rate. He would wake up in the middle of the night, screaming in fear or anger, sometimes he even began walking in his sleep and Vanima made the servants remove every weapon from their chambers and the rooms that were close by.

He hardly had time to eat, it was as if he tried to drown his fears in the new title and the work it brought. Vanima would try to make him see that he had to take care of himself and then he would snap at her, sometimes very viciously and that in front of others. Soon they all knew the grim truth, he was doing his duty as a king perfectly but he was a menace to be around. In the night he would hardly sleep out of fear of more nightmares and Vanima didn't manage to make him tell her anything more. She was getting very worried and for every day it became more and more obvious. The entire court saw him tormented by the memories and the fear they brought, they saw how she selflessly and with great courage tried to reach him to no prevail and everybody did pity them both.

He would act very irrationally sometimes, his mood swinging from one extreme to the other and even though it didn't affect his decisions as a king it seriously affected everybody around him. Vanima was getting so tired, she couldn't sleep, couldn't relax. He would yell at her, accuse her of trying to undermine his authority and call her terrible names but she stood her ground, although it made her heart bleed. She got even thinner than before, her eyes were constantly worried now. Taking care of the huge realm in a time of war and desperation wasn't even half as hard as taking care of him. He was retreating into himself, he hardly ever spoke to her and when he did the words were hardly of the kind type. She tried to control herself but sometimes she would snap too and answer him in a similar manner and they would both leave the room, feeling hurt and misunderstood.

In the night he was tossing around, when he slept he spoke and she soon knew almost everything that had happened, he was reliving it all and that terrible depression was sinking its claws ever deeper into his soul. To the people he was a strict but fair ruler and they already trusted him but the members of court knew that he was a disaster waiting to happen. He was pale and was getting weaker by the day and he drank way too much to chase away the shadows stalking him. He was unable to stay in any room that wasn't fully lit and the servants were busy scurrying around trying to keep all the candles burning. Vanima saw his pain and his terrible fear and she tried so hard to reach him, in the beginning he would lay next to her, seeking comfort and contact but now he was pulling away from her. He never let her touch him and when she tried he would snarl at her and accuse her of having hidden motifs. He was becoming increasingly paranoid and the weird thing was that it only included her and none others. He would gladly listen to the other counsellors and bow to their will if he saw it fit and wise, but he was getting more and more hostile towards her and she thought she knew why. He was afraid of having to face it all again, she would drain it all out of him and he was mortally afraid of going through that pain again. And he was afraid of hurting her during that process so he was subconsciously trying to drive her away.

He didn't know it but the ladies of the court was seeing how he treated his wife and their hearts were bleeding for her. They saw her despair and they knew that the war had poisoned his mind. Some of them had husbands of their own who had been fighting by his side and they knew the horrors these ellyn faced every night. They tried to back her up as best as they could, they did as much as they could to ease her burden. Vanima was so endlessly grateful of their thoughtfulness but she never managed to reach him. Sometimes he would scream that he should have died, others that he felt empty, that nothing really mattered anymore and when she tried to convince him of the opposite he would throw a tantrum and a few times she feared for her own safety. He was suffering, not visibly but it was as if a sort of rot had infested his very soul and it was eating away at the ellon he had been and transforming the young king into something he never had been. Vanima feared that he in the end would go insane for real and then what?

She had a really difficult task keeping him away from weapons because she didn't trust that he would make an attempt to end his own life, when he was at his worse he would threaten to do so and she feared that it wasn't just an empty threat. And she could understand him so too darn well, the things the other survivors told her made her heart drop and her stomach clench. They told her of the orcs he had burned alive, of the battles where he had been caught by a terrible frenzy and gone berserk. They told of his friends and how they had all died, and they told of how his father had died. She had to give him his soul back, reinstate the bright spark that had been her husband before he left for that terrible campaign.

Months became a year, Vanima was at a standstill and even though they lived in the same rooms they were becoming strangers to each other, even more now than in the beginning. He still did his duties very well and the rest of the population only saw their very skilled and wise king. Those around him saw a wreck. The title and its implications were the only thing that protected him from a complete breakdown, if it hadn't been for the oath he had sworn and the pride he took in that he would have perished already.

Vanima tried, every day she tried with gentle words, acts of selfless compassion and kindness but it didn't reach him. She was in despair and feared that even her strength wouldn't be enough. She would lay awake at night fearing that she would betray them all, that Galadriel's fear would become a reality. To lose this fight was to lose the very future and so she continued, with her teeth clenched together and a never dying hope in her heart. She would bring him food even when he didn't ask for it, hoping that he wouldn't let it go to waste. She told the butler to only serve him wine that had a low alcohol content or were watered out. She placed warm blankets around his shoulders when he sat there, so occupied with his work he didn't even keep the fire of the hearth burning, but rarely was there a word of gratitude being spoken. He ignored her most of the time, if he didn't just grunt something incoherent that could be anything really.

It took a lot of time reorganizing the realm now, they had lost so many and the lack of laborers was almost critical. They had lost almost all of their metal workers and the apprentices were not even close to being as good as those who had died. They had lost many with considerable skills and knowledge in almost every field and Thranduil was working furiously with spreading those who remained through the realm. He had decreed that every family who had a child would be rewarded with land and hoped that this and the newfound peace would create a baby boom. He worked on diplomatic letters to the other realms, sought to reinforce the trading and the contacts between the elven strongholds. He was doing an amazing job and he also made deals with human traders from the areas around the great Greenwood. He was negotiating as a true master and the rumors spread that the new king of Greenwood was a hard nut to crack, but that he also was generous and fair towards those who deserved it. Vanima was proud of him then, she knew that the ellon he had been before the war still was somewhere inside of him. He just never showed that side of him anymore. He was intimidating and regal as a king, untouchable and his face a mask of calm power. You could never tell what it was that he felt when looking at him, his eyes were so cold, so distant. Many came from the throne room sweating and pale and he had a way to use his voice that was just terrifying. He never raised it, it was always calm and controlled but it could be so cold, so condemning it made the blood freeze within the very veins of anybody listening.

The summer heat was causing everybody to seek shelter and Vanima was working hard in the healing ward. She was a true healer now and one of the best there, she knew what there was to know of the body and its secrets and she knew also of herbs and medicine and procedures few others would dare to perform. She was proud of her own accomplishments but he was getting more and more aggressive towards her. She tried not to interfere with his rule at all, she stayed away from the throne room and knew that he didn't need her advice any longer. She tried to avoid doing anything that could cause him anger because she had come to fear his rage over the months. She often thought that her heart couldn't take any more, that she had reached her limit. She had almost died from a broken heart once, did that mean that she was more fragile than others now or had it hardened her? Good swords were bent and hammered out again countless times to become strong and flexible and she sometimes felt like a blade. She was receiving blow after blow and yet she was able to get back up again afterwards.

Then she realized that the bottom was far from reached yet. She had brought some herbal tea to their chambers and sat by a table, drinking a little while reading some letters from her parents. They were filled with polite greetings and flattery and she sighed and put her cup down. They were as always only interested in the gossip of the court and if she by any chance could get them into positions of increased influence within their own realms. She loathed them, it was as simple as that. She was very glad none of them had come to visit since her sister had been there. She tried to find something new to write back about when he came into the room, she immediately noticed that he was in a foul mood, worse than usual. He mumbled something while placing his crown upon a table, he grasped a bottle of wine and filled a chalice to the brim. She swallowed and tried not to look at him and he frowned, a snarl forming around his mouth. "So, the queen doesn't approve of the king drinking, is it so?"

She knew that she shouldn't answer but she couldn't help it. "It is not good for you"

She kept her voice down, as a mere whisper but he heard her and a smile formed upon his fair face, a smile that was nothing short of being terrifying. It was so cold, so unnatural and she felt that her heart was hammering within her chest. He wouldn't really hurt her? Or would he?

She bit her lower lip and he drank the whole chalice dry, in one go. Then he placed it on the table very carefully before he walked over to her, she saw something dark simmering in his eyes, a sort of anger of which she had never seen the likes off. It was an anger born of hurt, of fear and because of this extremely volatile. He grasped the cup of tea she had made for him and the grin got even nastier. "You sit here, weaving plans against me, and I bet you are planning on poisoning me too."

She was barely able to gasp, he had gone mad! "How can you say that Thran? I am only trying to help you!"

He growled. "Oh yes? You want to rule alone, I know it. I see it in your eyes so don't deny it you bitch."

She shook her head, her hands clinging to the table to hide the fact that she was shivering with fear. "No, my lord, listen to yourself! That is a lie, you are not yourself!"

There was a spark in his eyes, a terrible fire begging to be unleashed. "Not myself? Then who do you think I am?"

She tried not to look at him. "A ghost, of battles lost and won."

He snarled, the cup in his hand came hurtling towards her and she didn't have time to react before he used it as a weapon and hit her in the face with it. The heavy ceramic broke and hot liquid splattered over her skin, the impact threw her backwards and she fell to the floor with a terrified scream. His eyes were ablaze, like blue fire and she knew that he truly was insane. No ellon would hurt a female, to strike his own wife with a heavy ceramic cup was unheard of. She whimpered, blood flowed from her nose and mouth and she knew that bones had been broken, that many of her teeth had been knocked out too. The pain was unbelievable and it was not just physical. She had lost, she had lost him. She just stared at him in terror, waiting for him to just bend down and finish her off, as he would an orc. He stared at her with an expression of disgust then he just turned around and left the room without saying another word. Vanima felt how her heart was breaking once more, how her fêa tried to break free and flee to the safety of Mandos halls.

She gasped for air and her vision failed, she had gotten seriously hurt and there was so much blood, she tried to get up, tried to crawl towards the doors to alarm the guards of her dire condition but she could not feel her own body any more. It was so cold, so terribly cold, tears were streaming down her face and even they were like cold blades against her skin. She gave up, her head fell onto the cold floors and she just drifted off, there was no longer any point in trying. He had crossed a line that never should have gotten crossed and she knew that not even her fiery spirit could tame the monster he was on the way to becoming.

She woke up slowly, and the pain was there right away, she had problems breathing and there was something wrapped around her face. She tried to sit up but hands were on her and held her down. She squeaked and felt that one eye was closed by swelling and her mouth felt weird too. Everything was spinning around and she was unable to even open her mouth. She saw a face, the chief healer, he was pale and she knew it was bad. But why was she there, why wasn't she dead? She had been ready to let go, had wanted to.

Hwan tried to smile but she saw that he was sad and afraid too. "So not try to speak my lady, your jaw was broken, with your cheekbone and your nose. And you have lost five teeth but worry not, they will grow back out again in a few weeks."

She nodded, moaned since the pain was mind numbing, a throbbing stabbing kind of pain she never had felt before. He patted her on the head. "You had burns from the tea but it is already healing, you will be fine my lady, you just have to stay here and rest for some days. The bruising and swelling will be gone soon."

She closed her eyes again, sighed. He had hit her, viciously and on purpose, if she was sane she would demand that he was punished for this but who would punish a king for something like that? She could of course leave but a strange spark had ignited within her, pure spite and defiance. He would have to think twice before he thought that he had won, she was going to stay there, as persistent as a bulldog and she wouldn't let go until she either had won or was dead for real. Hwan cleared his throat. "My lady, what he did to you….I cannot believe this, it is…such an outrage, a scandal! Is he utterly insane?!"

She nodded, could not speak but touched his hand gently, pointed towards the table at the end of the room, pretended to write. He got her a piece of parchment and a pen and she wrote a few words. "Don't worry, I will deal with this whence I am healed, who found me?"

Hwan swallowed. "Your chamber maidens, they are in shock and the guards too. I have never seen two more confused ellyn, they are unable to believe that he really did this to you but who else could it have been."

She nodded. Felt a tear running down her cheeks, so, had she finally found the bottom of that bitter cup or was there even more in score for her? Not even Galadriel could have foreseen this or could she? Had the lady seen what Vanima would have to endure to keep fighting? Hwan gave her a cup of something to drink, it was hard to swallow and they had bandaged her head to hold the bones in place until they had healed properly. It would only take a couple of days but it would be days that were to be uncomfortable to say the least. The painkillers did their job but she had to desperately fight to avoid becoming numb. She needed a clear head, everything depended on that from now on. Hwan swallowed hard, he looked down. "My lady, the rumors are already spreading, some came by and saw the blood on the floor and some saw you being carried to this place although they didn't see your injuries. You cannot allow yourself to be seen like this. What am I to tell everybody?"

Vanima took a deep breath before she wrote again. "Tell them I suffered a miscarriage, that I had slipped and fell and hit myself. They have believed that once before, so why not now."

Hwan nodded and there was a sad smile on his face. "Very well my lady, I will make sure that the nurses spread the word discretely. Sometimes the gossip of the court can be wielded like a sword and I am glad that you are aware of this."

She smiled and wrote. "Indeed I am"

She closed her eyes and tried to relax. She felt so terribly tired so perhaps it was a good thing that she was forced to stay there for a few days. She thought of Teren again, and she missed him terribly. It was weird but she had barely known him, yet she knew that he was the one with whom her soul belonged had faith wished it differently.

The next day Hwan removed some of the bandages and he could with a sigh tell her that yes, everybody believed that she had lost a child once more but they had managed to put two and two together too. Everybody said that he had struck her and she had fallen and lost the baby and Vanima wished that she could scream in frustration. One of the guards had probably had a slip of the tongue and although nobody knew of the cup it was bad enough. The people could not lose faith in their king or their trust in him. Such a scandal could hurt him seriously and she just prayed that this didn't bring more problems. He never came to her, never asked how she was doing and she felt a cold sting of anger hitting her heart again and again when thinking of it. But she was far from beaten. She would continue to fight and a she dragon is never without a backup plan. Little did she know that fate had yet another blow up its sleeve and this time one so nasty she didn't see it coming even in her darkest dreams.  


	7. Three times you betrayed me

**Now,** things are getting worse before they can get any better, and this chapter is rather disturbing and dark so be warned. It is definitely Mature/adult/R in nature due to violence and rape.  Things really has to reach rock bottom before it can get any better and he is no longer sane, darkness is eating away at his soul and it makes him do things no elf normally would even think off. The lyrics at the start of the chapter was chosen because I thought they somehow fit the situation and their feelings towards each other.

**Chapter seven: Three times you betrayed me.**

  
  
The music is dead, the amen is said  
The kiss of faith is what I beg  
A loving heart 'n soul for sale

Leave me be  
And cease to tell me how to feel  
To grieve, to shield myself from evil  
Leave me be  
Ode of lies is killing me  
Romanticide  
Till love do me part  
  
See me ruined by my own creations

Temporary pain, eternal shame  
To take part in this devil's chess game  
Spit on me, let go, get rid of me  
And try to survive your stupidity

 

Nightwish: Romanticide.

 

Winter was something nobody feared but none had ever witnessed a winter just like this one, there had never been so much snow, nor as freezing cold before. The elves had moved almost their whole population into the palace but it didn't really suffice, and they didn't have enough firewood to keep all the rooms warm. And more than that, they also tried to save as much of the forest creatures as possible, they feared that without help many would perish and even though the animals were most welcome it drove some to slight insanity to find badgers sleeping in their beds or squirrels nesting in the chandeliers. And birds, there were bird droppings everywhere and the cook was fuming with rage since a gang of raccoons had raided the pantry on more than one occasion, the masked little bandits were so sly and cunning they had learned how to open doors and thus no room was safe. Deer were sleeping in the great hall and elk stood in the stable with the horses and looked slightly out of place. The children loved it of course but the adults not always so much. Vanima was glad though, the animals did somehow lift Thranduil's bitter mood and he could smile and even cuddle with the furry little ones. It felt her with such a feeling of relief when she saw him sitting there in a corner with a fox eagerly trying to pull his boot off or a squirrel trying to pull out some of his hair for its nest. He was grinning and smiling and the anger and fear was gone from his eyes. It gave her hope, a hope that otherwise was fading away like never before.

He was doing a great job, as always. He was a perfect king and nobody could complain about him in that matter but his reputation had become damaged by the incident with the teacup, Vanima had tried to subdue the gossip but she had failed, the ladies of the court all knew that he had hit her, and that she had gotten injured. For weeks she had hid in her private rooms and even though the scars and bruises disappeared and the teeth grew back out she no longer trusted him. He didn't apologize, didn't even mention it and she felt as though she truly meant nothing to him now. She was just there, like a piece of furniture or some other inanimate object you simply got used to without really paying attention to it. It hurt her, but she didn't dare to move out of their rooms. She couldn't let him be alone, the nightmares and the depression was still a huge problem and she feared for his life more than once.

She was trying to keep herself busy with the tasks he saw as below his dignity. She would sit and sew with the other females, make tapestries or blankets or make lists of what dishes the kitchens were to serve in the coming week. As the winter darkness descended upon them she would make candles or sit by the fire in the main hall and listen to how the story tellers and bards tried to keep everybody entertained. He would often join her but everybody saw that the glances he sent her were devoid of true feelings, it was a charade and it made her heart bleed. Many believed that he truly had loved her before he left for that darn war and she knew that he in some ways had. Now he loathed her, or at least he acted thus. She was not so sure of what he really felt any more. He pretended to not notice her at all, and she had to lay in the bed at night listening to his incoherent words of fear and despair as he spoke in his sleep. Her own sleep was always disturbed and filled with her own nightmares and she never dared to touch him, not even to try and calm him down. The good feeling of companionship they had shared before the war was gone, it was replaced with a sort of animosity that cut into her like shards of ice.

She knew he feared the truth, feared to be healed since that process would be terrible for him but there was really no way to avoid it. The problem was that he refused to listen, as stubborn and pigheaded as a defiant toddler. She did sometimes compare him with just that, a child testing the limits and rules. The peace was a welcome change and the realm was thriving but Vanima could not help it, she felt that this was just a break, a long one perhaps but just a breather. Darkness would return and she could walk around feeling as though her nerves were clinging to the outside of her skin. Sometimes emissaries would visit them with news from the great world out there and she found their visits to be very interesting. They would tell of things she never had experienced for herself and she would sit there listening with her eyes shining and a smile on her face.

One evening a human tradesman had come by, a man from the far south who many times had visited Greenwood since he traded with fine jewelry and gems. Thranduil was very eager to hear of the things that were going on in the other realms and often humans would provide information which the elves didn't share with him. Vanima sat there with a cup of hot wine and felt sleepy when she noticed that he suddenly looked more interested than before. The tradesman had mentioned that he had come across dwarves travelling away from their great city of Moria, something had happened in there and they had abandoned it. Some had whispered about something which had been awakened, something terrible of fire and smoke.

Vanima saw that Thranduil had gotten a bit pale and when the merchant went to his room to rest he ran to the library and stayed there for hours. She felt a cold chill run down her spine, this would only add to his worries and she sighed and hoped that it wouldn't be anything able to affect them. Vanima had never seen a dwarf and knew only that there had been a rather good relationship between the two races once but that it all had changed with the death of Elu Thingol and the terrible things that had happened back then. Thranduil didn't mention the episode again but she knew that he now had something new to fear, he wasn't stupid and the fact that the one ring had gone missing didn't mean that much to someone who may live for many millennia to come. Sooner or later all foul things reappear and she could only pray that they would be ready.

She did notice one thing after a couple of years, he never disappeared into the bathroom in the middle of the night to seek release on his own as he had done before the war, nor did he lay there pressing her against his body. He seemed to be cold with no such urges and she was so uncertain of what to think about it. She knew that it wasn't a good sign and she feared to ask him. It would not be welcomed and so she tried to just accept that the shame he had felt when he returned had turned his libido off. Perhaps he simply felt disgusted by the very thought of such activities knowing what he had done and she was in some way almost relieved. He didn't try to make any moves towards her and she knew herself well enough to know that she was even more unable to give in to him now than she had been before. She feared his anger and flaming temper more than ever and being with him would have been just a lie. But she missed being touched, just a small caress would have been enough, the touch of a hand upon her cheek, or her own hand. A short glimpse of something else than scorn and antagonism in his eyes, she missed it all.

She did care, she couldn't help it. She had seen someone else back then, someone she maybe could have grown to love over the years but he had become everything she feared by now. Darkness, anger, terror, the feelings that made her cringe and wish she could just curl up like some small animal and go into hiding forever. She had to stay strong for the sake of their people and to them she was always their kind, understanding and generous queen. She never let the subjects see her tears and her loneliness. She was more alone now then she had been when he was away, it was such an irony but it was true. Working so hard to rebuild their realm was the only way she could hope to overcome her doubt and dark thoughts, she drowned herself in her duties and feared taking even a few hours off.

Spring returned once more and the snow disappeared, the forest turned green once more. The palace wasn't as crowded as it had been and Vanima took several deep breaths of relief. It felt good that way and the return of the sun and the light made her mood a lot better. There were a lot of things that needed to be done after the winter and Thranduil was busy with the repairs of damages the palace had suffered from the heavy snow. The roofs had collapsed a few places and he was starting to realize that this place was getting old. Oropher had moved to this place from an even older palace at Amon Lanc and it had been more than a thousand years ago. This building or rather buildings had all been made from wood and stone and the wood was not going to last forever no matter how they tried to maintain it. They would soon have to start looking for a new place to live and it made him sad to think about it. It was as if he by doing that would betray his father's memory in some way, that he then would have to accept that the past really was the past and never could return.

Vanima had been given a small flock of some rather fluffy looking bunnies when she was made queen and the fur of these white soft animals could be spun and woven into very beautiful cloth and so she and her chamber maidens would spend days shearing the small rascals and then making cloth from the fur. The rabbits had done what rabbits usually do and six had become two hundred and sixty over the years and she feared that they would be overrun with rabbits if they didn't give some of them away. She was sitting there considering how to dye the delicate white cloth when she noticed that her youngest chambermaid, Oliel had a peculiar expression upon her face. She looked as if though she was about to burst into tears and Vanima dropped the cloth and stared at the elleth. "Oliel, what is it? You look distraught?"

Oliel bit her lower lip and she was pale, her eyes flickered from one side to the other and then she managed to speak but her voice was barely audible. "My lady, I know it is a sin to lie, but is keeping something a secret also a sin, if it is something terrible?"

Vanima puckered her brow in a frown, she could clearly tell from the elleth's reaction that this was something rather serious and also probably bad. "That depends? Have you done something wrong?"

Oiel shook her head. "No, oh no my lady, I would never…but I have seen something, something I never should have, and I am so sorry, so terribly sorry and I do not know what to do with this knowledge."

Vanima felt cold, as if someone had replaced her blood with ice water, this concerned herself, she just knew it. "Oliel, what did you see? You can tell me, fear not. I will not punish you for having witnessed anything illegal."

Oliel sobbed. "But…My lady, it will hurt you. I do not want to hurt you. I am very fond of you and I pity you and I do not want to add to your burden."

Vanima took a deep breath. "Oliel, just tell me, please. I can handle it I am sure"

Oliel was teary eyes but obeyed, she swallowed and stared at the white fur in her lap, her hands shivering. "I was on my way to the river to fetch some of the lovely brown ferns to make dye when I noticed that someone was walking through the woods. It was about lunch time and I thought it was weird that someone would be out there by then. And so I followed the person, I was afraid that something was wrong, or I don't know, I just felt  like I had to."

Vanima stared at the young elleth who was getting more pale by the minute. "And then?"

Oliel gasped, tears were flowing down her cheeks. "It was the king my queen, he had put on a soldiers cloak but it was him. And he stopped by those strange ragged cliffs by the bend in the river, where nobody goes since it is so dank and dark there, and so many nasty bugs."

Vanima felt her heart slowing down in her chest, it was weird, it should be speeding up but it didn't, it was as if she already knew what Oliel was to tell her and yet she needed to hear those words to know it was true. "He met someone"

Her words were empty, devoid of emotions and she had to remember breathing, or else she would have swooned. Oliel nodded. "Yes, an elleth from one of the villages up by the mountains, she has never been to the palace I think. He had met her before I am sure for…for she was ready. She just lifted her skirt and he opened his pants and took her against a tree."

Vanima closed her eyes, her slow heartbeat like thunder in her ears. Of course, he had gotten used to such behavior, to such liaisons. He probably was unable to stop, to fight his urge to relive those feelings he had gotten used to back during the war. He was used to taking whores and so he still did. "I… I am glad you told me Oliel."

She heard the shivers in her own voice but she didn't really feel anything, not anger, not disappointment. Just an emptiness that was even more frightening than what wrath would have been. Oliel bit her lip again. "He paid her afterwards, I saw it. And he just acted as if he wasn't doing anything special, as if she was just some…opening he could use to find release. He could as might as well have fucked the tree I think, she was just there, available."

Vanima took a deep breath. "Do not tell of this to anyone Oliel, promise me this."

The chamber maiden nodded and tried to dry away the tears. "I am so sorry my lady."

Her voice was thin and Vanima reached out and touched her hand gently. "Don't be, I am glad you told me, at least I know what he is doing."

Her other chamber maiden, Losille bent her head. "Better them than you?"

Vanima had to hide a bitter grin. "Yes dear, better them than me. I kind of suspected that he hadn't been able to break the habit but now at least I know for sure that he still is cheating on me."

Losille cocked her head. "It is unheard of among our people to go behind the back of your spouse like that. I have heard of couples that gladly share their bodies with others but then they all agree on it. Adultery like that could give you a divorce my lady."

Vanima just sighed. "I know Losille, I know. But it is impossible, I would betray our people if I did that, I live for them now and I have sworn to try and protect our king, if need be against himself. Worry not, I will manage."

The two ellith just stared at her with narrow eyes and their expressions told her that they didn't really believe her. Vanima leaned back against the chair she sat in with her eyes closed. A stab through the heart would have been kinder but she had to survive even this. The bitter taste in her mouth was almost welcome, it made her feel something other than mind numbing emptiness. They just continued working and Vanima held back her tears until she could dismiss the two of them for the evening. She went to the bath and stayed there for a long time, weeping where nobody could see her tears. She asked herself why she was crying, why did it bother her that he sought such skanky females and lay with them? She didn't love him, she was afraid of him most of the time and she ought to see him as nothing more than a project, a task she had to accomplish. And yet it felt as if her heart was torn in half yet again and she sat on the cold hard stone of the pool and wondered if Teren had known what he was doing when he saved Thranduil's life. Maybe things would have been better if he hadn't.

She did manage to pretend as if nothing was wrong for several weeks, perhaps she was trying to hide the truth even to herself. Then she no longer could try to deny it, she saw for herself what he was doing and it only left her with a strange sadness within. She had noticed that he was in his office just before lunch but then he was gone and she knew of the many hidden passageways throughout the palace. She found the entrance to one, he had to be using this system of narrow corridors and doors because she hadn't met him in the main halls. And then she heard sounds from an alcove hidden behind a staircase and she had crept forth slowly without sound. A lamp was placed upon the stair and she had no problems seeing the whole thing. He was with an elleth who usually did the dishes in the kitchen, she wasn't especially pretty nor anything out of the ordinary and maybe that was why she had agreed on letting the king use her like this. There wasn't any love in this, hardly even desire. It was just about reliving those memories and seeking release in the only way that satisfied him by now.

Vanima felt herself tremble, it was so cold, so downright filthy. He was standing there with the elleth lifted up against the wall in front of him, he was thrusting hard against the young soft body and she had placed her legs around his waist. The elleth was making some strange sobbing sounds and Vanima could not really read the expression upon her face, if it was pleasure or pain or perhaps a mixture of both. He had just unlaced his pants, hadn't even pulled them down and he was grunting and leaned upon the wall as if the elleth he was with just was a thing, he didn't seem to caress her or care at all whether or not she enjoyed this, Vanima retreated, feeling very shocked and also sad on his behalf. This was not how it was supposed to be for one of their race, not at all. Where was the love? Where was the intimacy, the understanding? She heard him roar as he climaxed and the elleth whimpered as if in pain. Vanima didn't doubt that the poor female probably felt rather terrible and she started to feel a spark of anger inside. Didn't he see what he was doing? He wasn't only ruining himself, he was ruining the future also for these females he only used to sleek his lust. It wasn't fair.

She returned to her own chambers without being seen and she sat down and stared at the wall, what was she to do? There was nothing she really could do, if she tried to confront him he probably would deny it all and perhaps even throw another tantrum. She feared for herself, that was the truth. Should she just ignore it, pretend not to know and allow him to keep fornicating with these various females? She did not know any more and she saw a bottle of wine on the table and grasped it, pulled the cork out with her teeth and emptied it. The taste made her cringe but this evening she needed to dull her senses and forget it all. But the image was still glued to her inner eye, the sight of him standing there with that elleth's legs wrapped around him, grunting and panting like some animal. She felt hot tears running down her face and wiped them away, angrily. She got back on her feet, got hold of a servant and told him that she didn't want to be disturbed for the rest of the day, she needed to rest. She then closed the door and drank some more, continued to the world became a blur before her eyes and she was unable to think or feel anything except a strange sort of indifference.

The next day she felt like shit and had problems keeping up her appearance but she managed, just. For months she simply ignored the truth and tried to pretend as if it wasn't there. She noticed that he disappeared for a short time now and then, where he went nobody knew except from her, and the ellith he had his way with. Then rumors were starting to spread, someone had perhaps seen something, or one of the ellith had bragged a bit or something like that. Vanima was feeling numb by now, as if she really didn't care anymore. She never reached him no matter what she did and she was giving up. In the night he was still tossing around, reliving every horror from those dreadful seven years and she had to endure it with him. It seemed as if he had gotten married to the pain he felt instead of her, and he used it as a shield, as an excuse. He never mentioned his father when they were in private, nor the fact that he was dead. He tried to pretend as if nothing of it had happened and she compared him with a horse wearing blinkers.

In his sleep he would cry out in fear and despair, she would lay there listening to it all and she was unable to help him and it was such a terrible thing to witness. The darkness was chasing him headlong into madness and he was so afraid, so terribly afraid. He was weeping like a frightened child and her heart did bleed for him but she could do nothing to comfort him, to ease the pain. She had mentioned herbs that provided a deep sleep without dreams and he refused instantly. He still had that streak of paranoia and didn't trust her and yet he refused her to sleep somewhere else. When she suggested anything like that he would get furious and accuse her of being cold and heartless or worse, that she was conspiring to overthrow his rule. Vanima wondered if this ever was to seize, if he ever was to get better? He had already acted violently against her, she feared that he in the end would be the death of her, and not in the way that she first had thought. He was cheating on her, ignoring her, treating her like trash and she wondered if it was she who was mad, who didn't just leave. If she at all cared about her own life she ought to. The thought of how her family would react held her back, oh they would be so disappointed. Not that this in itself worried her, they had no business judging her, but she could almost hear the words they would toss at her, the accusations and the blame they would place on her and her alone. He was the king, of course he couldn't do anything wrong.

She sat there in her chambers, thinking and thinking hard. She realized that she couldn't do this alone, she needed help and advice and so she sat down and wrote a letter. It was the toughest letter she had ever written but she told of everything and she did nothing to sugar coat the situation even in the slightest. She told of his nightmares, of his adultery and the way he treated her and she tried to keep her own feelings out of it but when it was done she read through it and saw that no, she hadn't managed to hide them at all. To anyone smart or wise they showed between the lines, just as visible and easy to detect as his were. She folded the letter, closed it with her seal and then she found a young soldier she knew was loyal to her and told him to bring the letter to Lothlorien in secret and to do it fast. He left that very night and she could just pray that he would get there. Galadriel and Celeborn now ruled that realm and she knew that the lady of light probably had to stay there but at least she could send some advice, or perhaps someone else capable of helping her.

The summer flew by and another winter came creeping across the land, the winters had gotten harder and this one too was going to be rather rough. They could all see that, nature didn't lie and the forest was preparing itself for another onslaught of cold and snow. Vanima was making some fur coats for the royal guards when the messenger she had sent returned. He had delivered the message and the lady had told him that she would send somebody, that was all he said but it was enough and she felt how a small sprout of hope started to grow within her soul. She wasn't sure if it would grow into something stronger tough, even with help the task would be difficult. Thranduil was occupied with making plans for the winter, he sent out elves to gather firewood, to fish and hunt and fill the storages and he seemed to thrive whence he had his hands full, just as she did. And she knew it was for the same reason, when he was busy working he didn't have to think that much. Vanima just hoped that the help would arrive soon, she didn't want to face another dark season trapped in the palace with him. He had started working on some plans for a new palace, at the moment it was just an idea but she sort of liked it. He wanted to find somewhere safer than this, somewhere they could be better protected then by aging walls of pinewood. He had thought of a cave and Vanima had at first stalled at the idea, a cave? A dark hole in the ground filled with bats, darkness and the Valar alone knew what else?

He had shown her books then, books describing the caves of Menegroth and she knew that he wanted to create something a bit similar to this but the Valar help them, what a task! They needed to find the right place, it would probably take centuries to finish and they needed laborers and artisans. But the idea seemed to spark something within him and when he worked on it his eyes were shining once more and she could see a shadow of the cheerful and innocent ellon he had been in his face and glance. And so she did her best to encourage him, praised his suggestions and told him they were wise. He liked that and when the official business of the day was over he would often sit in the study with parchment, coal and some wine and draw ideas. It made him relax and on such nights he would sleep without bad dreams and act quite differently. He could sometimes act almost like he had before the war but she didn't dare to trust it, she had grown so accustomed to his mood shifting in seconds she never allowed herself to be caught off guard. She had become as wary as a cat in a dog pen and she never let her guard down even once when he was near.

The winter came so fast and the snowfall was huge. It once more made them stay indoors most of the time but luckily it wasn't so freezing cold as the last one. They prepared for the winter solstice and as always, the celebrations were ornate and grand. Nothing would be missing and Vanima was very busy with the preparations. They had brought wine and mead from Lake town and some had even gotten some caskets with brandy from some merchant travelling by. Vanima was sure that the celebration this year would be a particularly grand one but she had a feeling of unease too. She feared that something would happen, something not so good. The festivities were most welcome, they took people's minds away from the dark season and the cold and snow and everybody was acting cheerfully and with joy. Vanima wished that she could feel the same way but her heart was cold even when she smiled and toasted and partook in the merrymaking. There would be no help arriving until spring and she knew that the darkness festering within his mind was getting stronger with time, not weaker in any way.

The celebration reached its height, it was the last day of it and there was dancing and laughter and song everywhere. Vanima had toasted so much she felt rather dizzy and so she went to bed early, she feared getting unwell and she was tired. She had worked in the healing ward the entire day, trying to help a young elleth who somehow had managed to spill burning lamp oil over her hand and the painful burn had been quite a challenge to deal with. She was proud though to be able to tell herself that the hand would be as good as new if the elleth just remembered to let it rest and used the right salve every day. Vanima had almost fallen asleep when he entered the room, she froze and felt frightened right away. He was drunk, and for some reason angry. He had been smiling and acted as if he was really enjoying himself when she left but she knew that one single word could be enough to tick him off in a terrible way.

He veered into the bathroom, came back in his dressing robe and stopped by the bed, staring at her. She saw the dark glimpse in his eyes and knew that she had to weigh every word she now said very carefully not to awaken his wrath. "So, you abandon your own husband and sneak away like a thief in the night."

She took a deep breath. "Forgive me my lord, but I was feeling unwell and I did not want to cause any disturbance."

He stared at her, eyes still dark and calculating. "Really? Unwell indeed."

She knew that she had to swallow all her pride, if she acted as humble as she could he would perhaps be calmed down. "Yes my king, I had too much to drink, it was my own fault."

He made a sort of a grin, it looked as if it was caused by disgust more than anything else. "My own wife, the drunk"

She would have wanted to answer him with words like "My own husband, the fornicator" but she didn't say a word, she had to control that temper of hers now. He snorted and stared at her and she made sure not to meet his gaze, she stared down at the blankets covering her instead. He sat down on the bed and there was something sly in his eyes, something that made her skin crawl. He was really not himself and somehow something had awakened the wicked streak in him. "You know, the war lasted for seven years, I bet you had some fun while I was away."

She felt cold to the marrow. "I know not of what you speak my lord."

He hissed and suddenly he had turned around, was on the bed and had grasped her by the shoulder. "They say you were very friendly with the younger counsellors, that you were alone with them."

She knew she was in trouble, in serious trouble. Her mind was racing and her mouth got dry. "That is a lie my lord, I never did anything except what I was supposed to do, take care of the realm in your absence."

He snarled, ripped the blankets away from her and she started to realize the danger she was in. "Oh, I bet there were other things you enjoyed taking care of far more than that, how many times did you let them get it you little slut?"

She shivered. "My lord, I have never let anyone touch me, you know this. I would never betray you thus. I am your wife!"

His eyes got narrow and she just knew it, this was a situation that had changed from tense to extremely volatile in a few seconds. "Really? Then I do want what's mine, and I want it now!"

She gasped and tried to get out of the bed but he grasped her by her hair and tugged at it so hard her head flew backwards and she wondered why her neck didn't snap like a twig. She let out a shrill sound of fear and he hit her across the face with a growl. "If you really are my wife then you shouldn't resist me. I bet you have opened your legs for the entire staff here you damn liar."

She tried to fight him, before he went to war she would have managed to hold him back too, but now he was too strong, too trained and much too enraged and filled with resentment to care. She tried to hit him back, tried to claw at him but he simply grasped her and threw her around, caught her wrists with one hand and pinned her against the matrass. He was panting and Vanima had never felt such panic before. It was impossible, it could not be, he couldn't do it, it wasn't true! She tried to buck, to squirm but he just laughed, a very cold and hate filled laugh and ripped the nightgown off her, she was being pushed into the matrass but tried desperately to reason with him. "Thran, don't! You can't do this, please, I do not want to! What are you doing?!"

He had ripped his robe off with one hand and she felt his warm body pressed against her own, she was shivering and her body felt numb, like she was paralyzed somehow. He still had a hard grasp around her wrists and he tried to pry her legs apart. Since she was laying on her stomach she was rather strong and resisted and he growled and suddenly he bit her neck, very hard and sudden. The pain made her scream in shock and for a fleeting second she lost control of herself in an attempt to flee the agony, it was enough. He pushed her thighs apart and Vanima tried desperately to reason with him one last time. "Thranduil, stop, please, rape is a sin, can't you see what you are doing?"

She felt tears running down her cheeks, she was shivering with fear and disgust and she couldn't believe that it was happening, but it was. He just hissed and slapped her across her rear as she tried to pull away from him. "You are mine wench, I will soon enough know how many you have done it with."

She screamed, she didn't know she could make such terrible sounds but she tried to fight him again, desperately. She was not going to give in, not going to just let herself be taken, like some animal from behind without trying to fight for her dignity and pride. He grinned, a wide and vicious grin filled with a dark sort of triumph. "Oh I like the feisty ones, just try to resist me you whore and see how far it gets you."

She thought that her heart would push itself out of her, rip itself free from her chest, she wasn't able to breathe, to think. All she felt was that terrible panic, the shock and disbelief. No elf would ever do something like this to another? Oh she had of course heard the tales of old, of Eöl and Aredhel but she had never believed those who claimed that the dark elf had taken his wife by force. Now she thought otherwise, it was possible indeed. She felt him push against her body, tried to get out of the way but to no prevail, he found his way and Vanima thought that the world itself for a second had gone up in white flames, all she heard was her own piercing scream and all she felt was a terrible ripping pain she never could have imagined even in her wildest dreams. She felt as though she was being split in half, and with each hard thrust the agony got worse. She screamed until her lungs gave out, until her vision failed and black dots was all she could see. He grunted as he slammed his hips into her again and again, she was being pushed into the pillow wet with her own tears and she tried to scream again but she could not. She was unable to breathe properly, all she managed was small gasps and she heard her own pulse as thunder in her head. Her body was unwilling and tried to resist the penetration and it made the agony even worse, her muscles were clenching to protect her and it was a reaction she was unable to control.

She could just lay there, helpless and paralyzed by shock as he panted and made animalistic sounds, pushing her down, using her like she was a thing. She had never felt that humiliated, never felt so worthless or helpless and she knew that this was it, rock bottom.

It could never get worse than this if he didn't downright kill her with his own hands and she almost hoped that he would, how could she ever escape this? She was keening now, piercing high pitched sounds she never would have thought that her throat could produce but she was, and he didn't stop at all. He didn't care if she was in pain, he didn't care that he hurt her. She was close to passing out when she noticed that he fell out of rhythm, that his thrusts became almost mechanical and then he let out a roar and she felt him pulse inside of her, felt surges of hot liquid as he spilled and she just gave up. She was dead, broken like a horse with its very spirit whipped out of it. She just lay there, limp like a corpse, eyes empty and distant, staring into nothing. She shouldn't have been alive in the first place, she should have let Feanuldo sacrifice her to the dark lord, even that would have been to prefer to this. She lay there panting and he collapsed on top of her, mumbling something that sounded rather sour, as if he was disappointed somehow. She felt how she was getting cold, the pain was still there, still so terrible she thought that he had ripped her completely apart on the inside and perhaps he had, she felt blood running out of her and knew that she was injured but it didn't matter. She was dying, there was no denying it. Why should she even try to continue living? She was sure that Mandos would be both forgiving and understanding and what would happen to Thranduil was any bodies guess. She shouldn't care, they could hang him for all she cared.

He stirred, grunted and let go of her wrists, she didn't move and she felt that he was getting hard once more but it didn't matter, she didn't care. She was fading away and didn't move when he went at it again, this time making use of her other orifice. The agony was just as bad if not even worse but her fêa was already leaving, she didn't feel it although her hroa was writhing in agony. Darkness was swallowing her and she didn't resist, she allowed it to overtake her and she felt so tired, so ready to rest. Then she heard a voice, a gentle warm voice filled with such compassion but also worry. "Vanima, don't let go, you cannot let go! Not yet, stay. I know it is hard but you have to stay, help is on the way, I promise. Remember what I told you, your spirit is strong, you can survive even this."

She tried not to listen  but knew she had to, no sacrifice is to great Galadriel had told her, so not even this was the limit? She felt a cold sorrow penetrate her soul, turning it into ice but she drew breath once more, fell back into her body and immediately the pain returned. She closed her eyes and saw it again, the vision of the small elfling in the meadow, those lovely blue eyes and that gorgeous smile. Yes, for him it was worth it, only for him. She passed out from the agony and the sheer terror but her fêa didn't try to leave again, she wanted to prove that she was strong, stronger even than he was. She would overcome even this, just to prove that darkness never could win.

She regained consciousness slowly, at first she didn't remember but then it hit her and she gasped and opened her eyes in absolute horror. She still lay in the bed, her head on the wet pillow and she hadn't moved at all. She had no idea of how long she had been unconscious and she felt like breaking down completely. Her cheeks were flooded with tears and she sobbed and keened but slowly she managed to get herself together, pushed against the matrass and lifted her upper body. She hurt everywhere. The bite in her neck had been bleeding badly and she felt how she was quite literally stuck to the sheets with dried blood and semen. She turned her head slowly, each movement as slow as those of a slug. He sat in an armchair by the fire, asleep and naked with an empty jar of Brandy next to him. She remembered what her mother once had said, any man can become a monster with a belly full of alcohol and she knew it was right. A monster indeed.

She had to cover this up, if the others found out about this then there would be no mercy, not even a king could raise himself above the law and she didn't want to see him executed, not for the sake of her.

She had to hide it all, her shame and pain and she got out of the bed while her body trembled with pain and fatigue. Her heart was racing and she felt light headed and knew she had lost a lot of blood. She was bleeding still, no wonder actually. Slowly as a sloth she made her way to the bathroom. He slept like a log and she knew that nothing would disturb him now. She poured some water into a basin, washed herself and bit her lip to choke her own wails of pain. Then she found a towel, ripped it apart and tied it up between her legs like the mortal females did when they had their monthly bleed. She found a new nightgown and now she was working as if in a frenzy. If she managed to destroy the evidence then it would be as if nothing had happened, at least nobody would know except from herself and him. She combed her hair, braided it, washed and covered the bite mark with some skin cream. Then she threw the bloody cloths she had used into the hearth, got the fire going again. The pain in her lower belly and between her legs was unbearable but she ignored it, she was panting and sweating, desperate to get rid of it, to get rid of it all. She ripped off the bloody sheets, the blankets and the pillow, threw them into the hearth and watched it all burn. The matrass was bloody too and she could not get rid of that so easily but she took some water and washed off the worse of it with some cloths before she simply turned the whole thing over and hid the stains on the underside of the bed. It was heavy and it made her arms and back ache like they were about to break but she couldn't hesitate. She went to the cupboards and found new sheets, blankets and pillows and then she made the bed again, when she was finished it looked normal, like it had when she went to bed that evening. He was still sleeping, snoring and moaning in his sleep and she took a cloth and washed him too with a feeling of slight disgust. She didn't want to touch him but she had to, there could be no evidence of the horror that had happened there this night. Luckily there had been no guards outside of the doors that night since everybody was given the day off due to the celebration and the royal chambers lay far away from the other rooms. It was not very likely that anybody had heard her screams and there were a lot of shouting and yelling from the party. The walls were thick and she just prayed that nobody had noticed. She hoped that not even Oliel or Losille would be able to tell that something was wrong.

When she was done it felt as if the air went out of a balloon, she just sat down cringing with pain and she had no idea of what to do now. She should have her injuries checked but she could not go see Hwan, he would understand the cause immediately and then all hell would break loose, she didn't want them to know, didn't want to let her people know she had been abused, soiled and tainted like this. She knew she had washed herself thoroughly but she still felt as if those liquids were clinging to her skin, making her dirty and disgusting like some worn out thing. She knew how people reacted to such things and she did also know one more thing. He hadn't raped her because of lust, it had all been about control. He probably felt like the world was coming apart around him and sought to control at least one thing, to feel like he was strong enough to subdue at least someone like her. It didn't make it right in any way, it only told her even more clearly how deep into the darkness his soul had descended.

She crawled into the bed once more, checked that the primitive pad wasn't leaking and she felt that the bleeding was slowing down, she wasn't going to bleed to death, at least that was a relief. She tried to think clinically, to use her own knowledge. It was possible that her cervix had been injured, or she could have gotten torn but then she would have been far worse off than she was. And the last time he took her was just as bad, she would have to starve herself until she had healed. Luckily elves heal fast compared with humans but it would be hard. Terribly hard.  Would he at all remember it when he woke up? Would it be like some dark dream to him? She had no idea and she could just curl up and close her eyes, pray that the help would arrive soon. She would not survive another attack like this one, it would be the last of her for sure. Even her strong spirit could only take so much and this had been the last drop. If he did something like this again she would no longer stand up for him, no longer defend him. She slowly fell asleep again with a prayer on her lips. They had to come soon, they just had to, before it was all too late and the promises she had made became empty and turned to lies.

The next morning she was barely able to move at all, her entire body was ablaze with agony and she knew that hiding this would be terribly hard. Thranduil was still sitting in the chair and she made a sneer looking at him, not really knowing she did it. If she had ever had any feelings towards him they were dying now, rather rapidly. She checked the hearth, everything had been reduced to ashes and she let out a sigh of relief. Good, no evidence. Then she took the brandy bottle and poured some drops that had been left in it onto her hands, smacked them onto her face to make herself reek of the fluid and then she grasped him by the shoulder and shook him carefully. He groaned and stirred, his eyes rolling in his head and he looked very confused and for a second she did pity him once more. He swallowed with a whimper, touched his throat with an expression of pain and saw the brandy bottle in her hand. "Vanima?"

She nodded, managed to make herself slur and it wasn't hard pretending as if she was still drunk since she could hardly move. "Yes, get…get dressed…it is morning!"

He saw that he was naked and frowned, could not remember getting undressed and absolutely not having gone to sleep in the armchair, what the heck? He had a glimpse of a memory, of screams? Had he suffered those horrible nightmares again? "Did… did I drink that bottle?"

Vanima managed to throw him a sheepish grin. "We did, together, and some wine."

He got onto his feet, feeling like the world was about to topple over and he found his dressing robe on a chair and put it on. "No wonder my head is spinning, oh valar I can't remember anything! Remind me never to touch that brandy stuff again!"

She just grinned and put the bottle away, he didn't remember? Excellent, she didn't want to be reminded of this, not even by him. He staggered into the bathroom, stayed there for a while and came out looking far better than before. He had put on some rather plain clothes and his eyes were blurred with pain and he flinched whenever there was a sharp sound or bright light. Hangover, she had thought so. She sat down on a chair, very carefully so she wouldn't reveal how much pain she was in. "You drank a lot after you returned to our room last night, don't you remember?"

He frowned, stared at her incredulously. "No?"

Vanima squeezed the bridge of her nose as if she too had a headache. "Oh but you did, and then you challenged me to a drinking contest and you won. And you felt so warm you just stripped and then you collapsed into that chair and slept there the whole night."

He shook his head, confused and a bit scared too. There was something lurking in the back of his mind, something awful. He had done something? Vanima saw that expression in his eyes and for a second she almost did panic. If he remembered he would end himself, he would kill himself just as certainly as the sun would rise above the horizon, both to pay for his sin and to spare her for further shame and humiliation. If he was to be dragged before the elders accused of such a crime she would have to testify and how could she do that, tell of her humiliation in detail? She grinned. "You had nightmares again, terrible ones I think, you were making a terrible racket, I could hardly sleep."

He still looked confused and in doubt and slowly he relaxed. Yes, nightmares, it had been those awful images again. He took a look at her, she looked terrible. Pale and green and her eyes were so huge and dark, he had never seen her looking like this before. He remembered how he had missed her during the campaign, how she had been his light but now that light had somehow been hidden from him. When had that happened? He tried to clear his throat but it felt raw, like he had been calling out? "Are you alright Vanima, you look….not well"

She just smiled and waved her hand. "I am hung over Thran, nothing worse than that. I will be fine soon. I am not used to drinking you know."

He nodded and looked confused still, she tried to act like normal. "Go now, have some breakfast, get the butler to make you some herbal tea, it will help. I will rest here I think, my head hurts too bad."

He sent her a wage smile, his eyes distant and a constant frown lay upon his brow. Screams, he still heard screams? Why? "Okay my lady, I will send for your maidens."

She just grinned and saw him go out the door, then she gasped for air and forced back a wail of pain, it wasn't as much physical as mental and she knew that he still was in there somewhere, the gentle caring person he had once been, it made the whole thing so much more tragic and now she would have to use all her skill and all of her cunning to prevent him from remembering what he had done to her this night. He was proud, he knew what was right and wrong, and he would not be able to live with himself if he remembered. How in the name of the Valar was she to prevent a complete disaster? She was wringing her hands and felt like an animal trapped in a cage when the two maidens came into the room. They immediately knew that something was wrong, they knew their mistress and saw the dark shadows in her eyes and they had seen the weird expression in the eyes of their king. Vanima had to tell them something, something they would believe. She had to deceive them and it made her heart bleed but there was no way out of it. She tried to smile and touched her head again. "Could you please go get some painkillers from Hwan, ah…the king and I had a drinking competition last night and needless to say, I lost! I feel like crap!"

Oliel giggled and Losille shook her head. "My queen, that is never a good idea, you are so unused to alcohol."

She shook her head and blinked, hoped it looked convincing. "I know, I guess it was the festive mood that caught me."

She saw that Losille went to the healer and Oliel prepared her dress for the day, Vanima hawked. "Ah, in case someone heard a racket from this room last night, he had the most awful nightmares up to date, that's why he looks a bit…weird."

Oliel just smiled. "No, nobody has mentioned anything like that, it was a lot of squealing and shouting, the guards were playing catch the maiden and they didn't stop until just a couple of hours ago."

Vanima let out a sigh of relief, the old custom of chasing after the young single ellith and being rewarded with a kiss if they managed to catch one always caused a lot of noise, in special if the one chasing an elleth wasn't the one she would prefer to be chased by. Vanima just smiled. "That is good, it is nice that the young have some fun after all these years of war. Now, about the dress I am to wear…"

She chatted away with Oliel and thought to herself that Thranduil had betrayed her three times now, when he was away to fight, with the ellith there at the palace and this night when he took her against her will. Three crimes she was so unsure of if she ever could forgive him. The Valar might in time but she was rather certain that she couldn't. She just prayed that she would be able to hold it together for the next weeks, until the help Galadriel had promised her would arrive. She would have to hold her cards close to her chest and pretend as if nothing had happened and it would be a difficult game indeed. One she could not afford to lose if she was to keep her promise. One on which the future depended.


	8. A bitter pill to swallow

**So;** Help is on the way? Yes, indeed it is but it will not be pleasant. Enter Gandalf, and some very heavy soul searching. It won't be easy on poor Thranduil, knowing what he has done, and it will not be easy on Vanima either.

**Chapter Eight: A bitter pill to swallow**

Voice of the fallen  
Cries from the other side  
Would break your ears  
Would break your mind  
Forge of chaos  
Commands and claims  
Black speech and order  
His silence and peace  
  
Cannot see into his eyes  
No mirror for the soul  
Cannot break into his thoughts  
Nothing but scattered screams  
  
I shall turn your tears  
Into ashes of the dead  
You shall never forget the whispers  
Inside your head  
  
You will be lost in your fears  
In the never ending rest  
I shall speak until you drown  
Inside your head

**_Battlelore: The voice of the fallen._ **

****

****

****

The months leading to spring were unbearable that year, she was dancing on a razors edge the whole time and she had become nervous and skittish. Her gentle nature remained the same but everybody saw the haunted look within her eyes and wondered. Everybody knew that he had been violent towards her once, had something else happened? Vanima had almost stopped eating, she pretended to eat like before but it was apparent that she didn't because she became even thinner than she had been and her eyes looked enormous in her face. And even a slightly raised voice was enough to make her wince and start stuttering. The ladies of the court were worried, and so were the rest of the inhabitants of the palace as well. It was very obvious that something was off also with the king, he acted like before for most of the time but sometimes he would freeze it appeared and just stare into nothing like he was trying to remember something he wasn't quite able to grasp.

If that happened with the queen present she would desperately try to catch his attention in some way, lead his thoughts away and usually she did succeed, even when she only managed to make him irritated or even angry. Oliel and Losille both knew that the queen was hiding something but what could that be? They had no idea and if they asked then her flaming temper would reappear and they didn't really dare to ask again. She did her duties as meticulously as before and so did the king and nobody knew what to do. It was apparent that they both were suffering but who could possibly do anything about it?

The warriors knew how Thranduil felt, many of them were haunted by the horrors they had survived and they could understand but it was rather clear that the king's demons were both more vicious and far worse than theirs. He had the feeling of responsibility, it was his father who had been leading the failed attack but he had not tried to stop it, he had not raised his voice to protest even once. If anyone was haunted by the memory of their fallen comrades it was him. It didn't seem that Vanima's light and strength was enough to pull him out of the mental bog he was stuck in, at least not anytime soon.

Spring returned as countless times before, it came abrupt that year and turned paths and roads into mud and the streams and rivers into torrents. Vanima was waiting, she was hiding it off course but she was desperately waiting for help to arrive. It was draining the very life out of her to be alert the whole time. She could not let him remember, so she made sure that there always was wine available and she did nothing to stop him from getting drunk every night. The butler suspected something of course but he did, as they all, think that she wanted to be able to sleep in peace, without those nightmares disturbing his sleep and hers. She had healed from her injuries, and she had managed to get an elderly elleth from one of the distant villages to examine her, the elleth worked as a midwife and Vanima had sought her out under the excuse of checking the skills of the local healers. It was important that those living far away from the palace had proper care too and nobody reacted to this. She did also visit numerous others and helped distributing herbs and equipment and they praised her engagement and good ideas.

The elleth swore to keep her mouth shut, she had seen it all and Vanima knew she could trust her. Luckily the injuries hadn't been too bad but she was warned that she could be in danger of miscarriage if she ever was to conceive, or in danger of giving birth too early. She had already suspected that much but it still worried her to hear it. Yet, what is could not be undone and she just had to live with it.

Then one beautiful evening in late April two riders appeared and were stopped and welcomed by some rather surprised guards. It was a young minstrel out of Imladris who were travelling to the other realms gathering old lore, poems and songs, and Gandalf the grey who was accompanying Lindir on his journey since the minstrel was far from being a warrior. In fact, if he had to fight he was more dangerous to himself than to the enemy.

The wizard was greeted with both joy and a bit of shock, they hadn't anticipated seeing him there but he just claimed that he wanted to travel a bit and see how everybody was faring now when the war was over. Vanima knew Galadriel had sent him and she was trying hard not to reveal that she had known somebody would come. She was just as surprised as the rest of them and greeted the wizard with both shock and reverence. Thranduil was a bit confused, why would the grey wanderer show up in Greenwood now? But his explanation was sound and it was very obvious that Lindir probably would have gotten himself into all sorts of trouble if he had been travelling alone. He was barely able to saddle his own horse but he was a master with the lyre and already the first evening he sat singing in the hall and made several of the young ellith swoon with his remarkably good looks and just as remarkable voice. Vanima had to grin to herself, Galadriel had been sly, the plan was very good.

Several days went by before Vanima dared to take it further, Gandalf would spend the time with the different elves there, telling stories of old, play with the elflings whom he obviously adored and discuss politics with Thranduil who truly appreciated the wizards keen acumen when it came to the changes in power and influence. It seemed that the arrival of the two had lifted the mood of the palace a great deal and there was cheerful laughter and singing heard everywhere. Lindir was eagerly occupied writing down all sorts of things, the forest elves had a very different tradition when it came to songs and such than the high elves and he often looked more than a little shocked by their jokes and poems of which some were a bit more erotic than he was used to. It was obvious, Vanima had often seen the pretty minstrel coming out of a meeting with some giggling silvan blushing like a tomato and fidgeting with  his parchment and pen looking very embarrassed and Vanima had to laugh. They had all understood that the young minstrel was very shy and easily got shocked and so they told him the most indecent poems and tales they could come up with, just to see how much they could make him blush.

Then one evening Thranduil was busy negotiating with some humans who wanted to fell some  trees just inside of the border to the elven territory and Gandalf came to her while she was in the garden, preparing it for summer. At first he was just chatting merrily along, praising her taste in herbs, commenting on the sudden heat, discussing the fact that Thranduil had sent someone to Rohan to buy new stallions to breed from and the likely possibility that he would be tricked. Then, when they were in a rather secluded area of the garden he turned around and the merry expression upon his face was gone, his eyes were dark and serious and his smile disappeared. "My queen, the lady was indeed right when she called upon me, what ails your husband is so much worse than I had even imagined. We have to act and act now before it is too late."

Vanima clenched her fists in front of her heart. "I have tried, I have tried so hard to reach him, to lift the darkness off him but to no prevail. He has beaten me Gandalf, and…"

She was unable to say the last words but the ancient Istari cocked his head and his eyes became so unimaginably gentle. "I know my queen, I have seen it in your eyes, and in your mind."

She shivered. "If he remembers then…"

Gandalf took her hand, squeezed it gently. "I know, he will not survive that knowledge, he will either confess and be condemned by everybody and probably end up getting executed for it or kill himself out of shame. And we cannot allow that to happen, none of it."

Vanima took a deep breath, she was so frightened. "So what do we do?"

Gandalf sighed and sat down on a bench, he looked very old there and then but she could sense the power in him still, hidden out of sight but very present. "He has to chase those demons of his mind away by his own will, others cannot do it for him. The images he has gotten stuck into his soul are persistent, overwhelming and terrifying, they are choking his fêa, turning him into a beast more than an elf. That is the problem with the eldar my dear, you are creatures of light, of purity. You are not easily corrupted but when you are then the damage is almost irreversible. He must heal his soul and mind on his own and I am sorry to say this but it will be terrifying, and it will almost certainly break him to a degree."

Vanima gasped. "He will live?"

Gandalf closed his eyes for a second, they were so sad when he opened them. "Vanima, your husband is strong, one of the strongest ever of your race. But he hasn't been aware of that strength, of that power that rests within him. Now it has turned against him, become his enemy. Yes, he will probably live but there is a chance that the truth of what he has become will make him fade and then there is nothing anybody can do."

She stared down. "The thing he did to me?"

Gandalf sighed. "He has to know, there is no way around it. Can you find it in your heart to forgive him?"

She bit her lip, her hands shivering even more than before. "I…I don't know."

Gandalf smiled, a tired smile. "Good, you are honest. He has to accept that it was the darkness and fear pent up within him that made him do it, not the person he really is. Only then can he be free from it all."

Vanima felt tears swell up in her eyes. "So what must we do?"

Gandalf got on his feet again. "I have a plan, it will require a lot of me but I can do it, I have to. We cannot afford to lose him."

Vanima just sighed once more. "That is true, Galadriel told me that much."

Gandalf nodded. "Yes, if we allow ourselves to relax and forget the past it will come sneaking up from behind and bite us when we least expect it to."

He took a deep breath and reached into a pocket hidden in his dark grey tunic and cloak. He took something out and it was a small bag of some kind, rather tiny and Vanima stared at it with confusion. "What is this?"

Gandalf smiled, a sad smile. "Medicine, or rather, the means to the cure. You must get this into his drink tonight."

She swallowed hard. "I am not so sure about this…"

He gave her a gentle smile. "And rightfully so my dear, but there is no other way. This will make him fall asleep, or rather, fall into a sort of trance from which he cannot awaken himself. His fêa will be vulnerable, easy to manipulate. I will be there, show him the truth, show him the way and help him cleanse himself of the terrors and the darkness."

Vanima nodded slowly. "Will it hurt him?"

Gandalfs eyes turned rather hard again. "Yes, it will hurt him, a lot. It will almost certainly be absolutely horrifying to him but the alternative is that he fades, ends himself or is getting himself killed."

She pressed her lips together, took the small bag with shivering hands. "Alright, I will do it."

Gandalf smiled. "Brave girl, you really are special. When he has fallen asleep just knock on your window, I will be waiting."

She took a deep breath and hid the bag in her dress pocket, it felt as though she was going to commit treason, or murder. But like he had said, there was no way around it, she had to do it to save her husband. Gandalf just bowed and walked off, lighting his pipe and the scent of pipeweed made her sneeze. It was a most peculiar custom.

The evening came almost too fast that day, they were seated in the dining hall and Lindir was entertaining everybody with some songs from Imladris and Vanima saw that Thranduil was more relaxed than usual. It was a good thing, he would not resist the procedure that hard. Vanima had grown accustomed to pretending as if she was jolly and relaxed, it came just of itself by now. She cheered and praised Lindir's beautiful voice and the minstrel grinned and blushed and looked as if he was ready to sink into the floors. Thranduil was discussing his plans of a new underground palace with Gandalf and the two of them looked very comfortable and at ease. Vanima had a suspicion that the wizard in fact was using his powers on her husband already now and she had to hide her worried frown.

Thranduil went to their chambers rather early and she feigned fatigue and joined him, he always ended the day by the hearth after he had gotten his crown, robes and boots off and he always had a glass of spiced wine before he went to bed. Vanima had already prepared it. The powder in the bag was mixed with the wine and it shouldn't even leave the slightest hint of taste. She did what she usually did before going to bed, undid her braids, brushed her hair, got into a nightgown, her normal daily routines. Thranduil sat in the armchair by the hearth and he drank his wine slowly as he stared into the fire with a distant gaze. Vanima held her breath, she could just pray that this would work. After a while he put his glass onto the small table, yawned and stretched and his head lolled to one side before he jerked it back up, half awake. Then it fell down once more and this time he didn't wake up, he just sat there, snoring ever so slightly and Vanima knocked on the window and before long the wizard stood in the chamber. She had dismissed the guards claiming that they were needed guarding the storages where the cook claimed to have seen those darn raccoons once more.

Gandalf nodded to Vanima and he looked a bit nervous but determined. "Come, help me here. We need to get him onto the bed so this doesn't get too uncomfortable on him, and we have to get his clothes off too."

Vanima cringed but helped him lifting the unconscious king onto the bed and then they gently stripped him of all his clothes. They placed him comfortably in the middle of the bed and covered him with a blanket, Gandalf thought that there was no point in letting him freeze. Vanima was ordered into a chair and was told to remain there, no matter what she saw or heard she was not to disturb in any way. Gandalf sat down in a chair next to the bed and took off his hat, he grasped the kings right hand and then he touched Thranduil's forehead gently with his staff. "Open your inner eye, and I will guide you back home."

And then a strange silence fell over the room and Vanima felt how the temperature dropped as the light in the lamps seemed to fade and the fire in the hearth burned low. Gandalf mumbled something and his eyes were distant. "Listen to my voice mellon, let me release your soul of the unlight which has infested it."

Vanima wished that she was somewhere else, anywhere else. Thranduil had become deathly pale and his breath was so very slow and shallow, and then all of a sudden his eyes flew open and she had to choke a scream, they were completely black and the sight was so terrifying she finally realized that this was going to be one hell of a fight. She closed her eyes and started praying, it was the only thing she could do now.

He was utterly confused, he felt dizzy and light headed and he had no idea of where he was. He had gone to sleep in the armchair all of a sudden, this much he did know but what had happened afterwards? He was in some sort of room but he could see no walls or even a ceiling, light was everything that was. A cold piercing pure light that hurt his eyes and he felt so small, so insignificant. He saw nothing, it was all just a milky white limbo and he got scared, he felt cold and noticed that he was buck naked and whimpered, what was going on? Then he did notice something in the emptiness, something that stood out against the white light. Ahead of him were a shadow, a darkness that was fleeting and shapeless and yet more terrifying than everything he had ever seen. It was malevolent, evil, its sole purpose was to destroy and hurt and he shivered in fear. It was impossible to determine how far away the apparition was and he had nowhere to hide. The shadow slid closer, tendrils of darkness seeking something to touch, to destroy and he had to choke a scream in pure terror. The shadow took shape, an elf.

He panted, stared at the darkness ahead, like a black drawing against the whiteness of this strange place. He was so frightened he was almost unable to stand up, his legs shivering and his heart beating in a wild rhythm. The figure up there in front of him, it was almost a mirror reflection of himself. It was laughing, staring at him with terrifying black eyes and it was getting closer, he could not move, could not run away. He let out a shriek, tried to curl himself up into a knot, panting and whimpering like a frightened child. The creature was laughing, a cold hard laughter filled with arrogant antagonism and scorn. Thranduil felt cold tears running down his cheeks and he was aware of the closeness of death itself. If this thing touched him then he would die, he would be no more.

Then he felt a friendly presence, saw a glowing figure standing next to him. "Listen to me Thranduil, let me show you what you must do to prevent what you are seeing from becoming you."

He turned his head, stared at the strange and yet beautiful creature. He had never seen a maia before but he knew what it was that he saw and he wished that he could bow before the apparition. Suddenly the dark figure disappeared, instead he saw the great hall of the palace, it was empty and deserted and leaves blew across the floors, it had to have been abandoned years ago for there was a definite lack of maintenance visible. It was falling apart.

The maia turned around, its face invisible in the light it created. "You have to see it all, the possible futures and the past as well. We will exorcise the darkness from your soul but to do that you have to be aware of what is to come if we fail."

He stared at the hole in the emptiness ahead of him, he shivered. "What will I see?"

The maia cocked its head. "Everything, every possible end to this, do you have the courage?"

He remembered the horrible dark figure and nodded, almost desperate. "Yes, please, help me,"

The maia nodded slowly. "Then follow me."

He walked into the hall and Thranduil felt confused, it felt as if he really was there. He felt the cold floor against his bare feet and the wind was playing with his hair, he could smell the scent of autumn. The maia walked on, out of the entrance of the decaying structure and Thranduil stared at the sight that awaited him on the outside. It was not the forest he had known, it was burned down, destroyed. A scorched land with nothing left alive. He panted, felt as if his heart had been torn out of his chest. "What you see is what will be if you fail, if you let the darkness overcome you."

He gasped and tried to think but the horror was too strong for him to control, he was sobbing like a child. The maia walked on, he saw orcs burn the trees, saw them slaughter elves and humans alike and he screamed but no sound could be heard. The maia stopped in front of a stone grave, carefully chiseled out with images and runes. The scene changed, the forest was there and now he saw many elves gathered by the grave. He saw Vanima, she was dressed in black and she wore a veil, her face pale like paper against the dark fabric. He turned around, saw the grave, the image carved on top of it was a likeness of himself and he choked a gasp and stared at the maia with huge eyes. "Tell me this isn't real?"

The creature looked sad. "It will be, if the darkness wins."

He swallowed hard and stared at the grave again, he knew many of the mourners, it couldn't be too far ahead in time. Then the image changed, not much but a bit and this time it wasn't Vanima who stood there in black but himself, and the image on the tomb was of her instead. He saw the elves there crying, flowers being tossed at the grave and he stood there, cold and devoid of feelings. He just was, nothing more. Many stared at him with dark eyes, anger and scorn glowed in their glances. "You killed her."

The voices were low to begin with, almost whispers but they grew in strength until they became a roar. "Murderer, you killed her, choked her light"

And then came the last words, cold and piercing and so true, so very true cause he could see it now, how his darkness would make her fade, how the terror hiding within his mind would infect her and bring her down and be her end, her, the very light he had lived for, the very thing he had endured the war for, his only hope, the one good thing in this world. "Kin slayer!"

The word a hiss, a hate filled curse, it made him whimper like a child. "Kin slayer, kin slayer!"

It became a rhythm, a repetitive choir so loud he had to plug his ears, screaming in denial and fear. "No, no, nonononono NO!"

The maia looked at him with such sadness in his eyes. "But it will be Thranduil, either she or you will die if you allow yourself to drift further down the road towards the death of the fêa."

He stared at the creature with huge eyes, tears streaming down his face. "Oh Valar save me!"

The maia sighed. "Only you can save yourself now, by overcoming the thing you have become, by being stronger than the darkness that has infested you. See what you already have become."

He blinked and now he was in the bedchamber, saw himself hit Vanima with the cup, saw her go down, saw himself just leave the room and he screamed in agony. "How? How could I do that? What have I become?"

His voice trembling and thin and the maia sent him a very sad glance. "A monster Thranduil, that is what you have become. But there is more."

He didn't want to see, he tried to back away, to close his eyes but he could not. He saw her sitting on the bed, saw himself grasp her by her long hair, throw her down. He whispered, unable to speak. "No, this cannot be, I didn't? Gods, what have I done? What have I done!!"

He saw himself rip her nightgown apart, heard her screams in fear and shock, her plea for him to stop and yet he didn't, he took her, forced her and abused her as if she was a thing, a toy, nothing worth even considering. He was on his knees now, his body shaking violently, tears flowing and he was making keening sounds that had to sound absolutely awful. "Valar, It cannot be true, oh say it isn't so!"

The maia sighed and a luminescent hand laid on his shoulder for a short second. "But it is Thranduil, you did this and she hid it, to protect both herself and you. Without you we will one day lose everything to a second darkness. We do not now when it will happen but it will happen."

He sobbed, curled himself up on the floor, his soul screaming in horror of what he had become. "I cannot ever see her again, knowing I did this. I ought to die for my crime."

The maia cocked his head. "Do you? Then see the outcome if you allow this to condemn you, if you fail to see that it was the darkness festering in you which caused this and not the person you truly are."

He saw another scene, he was in the baths and it was dark, he saw a body lay in the pool, the water red and he saw it was himself. The knife he had used to cut his wrists still lay on the cold marble next to the pool and he knew that this was it, that he had ended his own life. He felt sick, shocked, scared. The maia whispered softly. "And then the other option."

The scene changed once more, he saw himself standing in front of the counsellors and the elders of the Greenwood, he saw himself confess to his sin and surrender to their justice. He saw Vanima crying bitterly and wished so desperately to comfort her, to take it all away. Then he saw the courtyard, he was chained and he wore only a pair of dirty linen pants and a belt made from a piece of rope, He had been flogged, his back bloody and torn and he was staring at the gathered crowd, crying out to her, begging for her forgiveness. He saw her standing there, crying and pale but she said nothing.

A warrior came with a knife, tied off his long braid and cut it off at the back of his head. The ellon brought it to Vanima who took the still warm braid and held it towards her chest, her eyes huge and black and so terribly sad. He saw them blindfold him, push him down onto the block, he saw his own shivering body, heard his last pleading words, the prayer for forgiveness and then the axe fell and he saw his own body lay on the ground, writhing in death spasms like an animal while his head was held up, shown off. He could not take it anymore, he closed his eyes, screaming like a child, bawling with fear and sorrow and disbelief and the maia places a cool hand on his shoulder. "This is what may be, now let us see what has been!"

Thranduil squeaked, tried to crawl away but he could not move. And yet again he was at the Dagorlad, saw his father fall pierced by a black arrow, saw his own terrible fear and grief and foolhardy attack. He saw Teren's ghost, saw himself flee the battle like a madman and then he saw them all, all his friends, He saw their dead bodies and how they died, he relived the entire war in just a few seconds and he was shivering in violent spasms as his soul was tormented again and again by the terrible pain of loss and the fear of death. He saw how he gradually became less sensitive, less aware of his own feelings, saw how the darkness got a hold of him and grew within his mind until it had gotten a grip so strong it became unbreakable. He saw himself take those camp women, saw the fleeting moments of intimacy and pleasure and the growing emptiness it left in him, a void the grief and sorrow quickly sought to fill. He saw how it all changed him, how he became paranoid and fearful of himself. He witnessed how his attempt to save Vanima from the darkness he carried only caused it to grow even stronger, feasting on the very light of him. He refused her to help him, to lessen the load and the dark figure was laughing in the background, chuckling with delight. It was becoming him and he was on his knees and hands now, shuddering and feeling like he was about to puke.

The dark feelings, the sorrow and fear was feeding upon him and rejoiced every time he pushed her away, every time he neglected her or used harsh words against her. It was making it all stronger, more aggressive and it was taking control of him more and more. It was like a cancer, growing in hiding but slowly becoming more and more deadly. It was screaming in sheer thrill as he raped her and beat her, it was winning, it would be the true ruler of this realm. His sorrow and fear and grief and guilt had gotten a life of its own and he could not understand how this had happened. The maia touched him gently again. "You have great powers Thranduil, but you have allowed them to turn against you. Now you must use them to get rid of it all, you will still remember, still sometimes dream of it all but it cannot be allowed to control you anymore. This sickness of the mind must be expelled from your soul, like you drive poison from a wound."

He sobbed, feeling so terribly cold and alone and so very afraid. He had never even imagined anything like this, anything this terrible. "How?"

The maia bent down, stroked his head. "Expel it, throw it out, get rid of it all. Purge your soul of the black rot of depression"

Thranduil bent forward, leaning onto his hands. He felt the taste of bile in his mouth and he could not hold it back any more, he started retching and then he did throw up. Something black and nasty that looked like oil and left a horrible bitter taste in his mouth. He gasped, retched, puked. It didn't seem to stop and he soon stood there on his knees in a deep pool of the disgusting filth. He bawled and sobbed and the horrific taste and feel of the stuff he regurgitated made him cringe and wish he was dead. It felt as if it was fighting him, trying to stay within him somehow. He wheezed and sputtered and finally there was no more to get rid of, he felt empty, light, hollow like the endless void itself. The maia nodded its head slowly, it looked pleased. "See, well done mellon, you have gotten rid of it. Now is the time to start anew."

Thranduil was shivering, weak like a child. He stared at the scene he had seen in the dream before he returned home, the leaf on the branch of the dead beech. And then he heard the sound of a child's joyful laughter and something inside of him was suddenly driven to a frenzy, a sort of madness. He saw an elfling running across a meadow and his heart was over flooded with love, with longing. "Oh please, say this will be!"

The maia smiled. "It will, if you allow it to be. Fight the darkness mellon, turn your back to the sorrow and the days of terror. Don't forget but there is a difference between remembering and never leaving the past alone."

He nodded, tried to wipe away his tears. "I know"

The maia knelt down next to him, stroked his hair. "It will not be easy, it will be hard and it will take your very strength and heart to achieve it but there is joy to be had in the future, and great hope. Remember this and do not allow yourself to fade. What was done is done and there is nothing to do about it but know that it wasn't you, not the person you really are. Can you do this?"

Thranduil nodded slowly, he felt like he was in a daze now and his head was spinning. He felt better, free somehow and it was a good feeling, one he enjoyed. He tried to get up but he was too weak, his legs reduced to jelly and he was so cold, so terribly cold. The maia kissed his brow. "You will soon enough see how to help yourself, don't let yourself be caught by doubt again, know this, she may not love you right now but she might. Play your cards well and her heart will open to you, it is written onto the very weave of life."

Thranduil swallowed. "She loved Teren, how can she then ever love me?"

The maia tilted his head again, smiled. "Teren released the bond when he went to Mandos, she is free. It is all up to you now. "

Thranduil squeaked and blinked. "I am afraid."

The maia grinned, a soft grin. "Of course you are child, but be not. It will be alright. There is sorrow in your future but also happiness, great happiness. Worry not, the beech is not dead, the house will live on, as long as you never allow yourself to falter."

Thranduil tried to sound confident. "I won't, this I swear."

The maia placed a hand on his head and everything started to fade, the white light, the strange void, the unnatural distorted sounds. "I know, sleep now child of Eru and know I will watch over you until you need watching no more."

And the darkness returned but this time it was friendly and comforting and Thranduil slept like a child in its mothers arms for the first time in many years.

Vanima had been utterly horrified, she sat there in her chair and felt how her heart was beating like a drum in her chest, she shivered and sweat was running down her neck and back. Gandalf was sitting like before, he didn't move and his eyes were closed. If it hadn't been for the weird posture you could perhaps have believed that he was sleeping. The room was freezing cold and she could swear that she saw strange shadows crawling around on the walls, the lamps gave no light and the hearth had gone cold even if the embers still were glowing. The worst part was him, he lay there on the bed as white as a clean sheet of paper and his eyes were black like ink and so unnatural it made her want to turn away from it all.

He didn't move but he moaned, screamed, wailed. Terrible sounds that made her wish she was deaf, she wanted to comfort him, take the agony away but she couldn't, there was nothing she could do. Her compassion was so great it overcame even the fear she had developed, she would have taken him into her arms if she could. She knew it was the terrible memories that had turned him away from who he really was but it was so hard to ignore the pain and fear he had caused her. Yet she had to, she needed to start anew, to see him as a victim just as much as she. The awful sounds continued and she lost track of time, she just sat there with her knees pulled up against her chest and her eyes wide as those of a frightened child.

Then his eyes turned blue again but he wasn't awake, he still made sounds as if he was hurting a lot and Gandalf didn't move either.  Vanima could just sit there and wait, she feared that this would take the entire night. He started to make retching sounds, as if he was choking and just Gandalf's strict words stopped her from getting out of the chair, she stared at him and prayed feverishly for his deliverance from this horror. The darkness got even deeper, more threatening but it slowly dissipated and the light shone like before, the atmosphere in the room became friendly and cozy once more and she let out a deep sigh of pure relief. Gandalf twitched and opened his eyes, he smiled but his eyes were blurred and he looked very tired. "It is done, the evil is thrown out of his fêa, now it is up to him if he will heal or not."

Vanima stared at her husband, he looked as if he was sleeping and Gandalf sent her a melancholic smile. "He is sleeping my friend, a real good sleep. I suggest you allow him to remain that way until  he wakes up. Let him sleep, even if he sleeps for days, he will need it."

She got out of the chair slowly, hesitant. She almost felt like bending down checking underneath the bed for monsters. Gandalf smiled. "The room is safe, worry not Vanima. The filth that had possessed him is gone, it cannot stay here without a body to live in. His fear and depression had become like an entity in itself, that was why it was impossible to reach him, it wanted to live, to become who he was."

Vanima swallowed hard. "That is terrible, are you sure that it is gone?"

Gandalf smiled gently. "Yes, but he will still be sad and troubled, he remembers now and he is filled with regret and horror. You must try as best as you can to heal him, to make him see that the future is all that matters. "

She tried to smile. "I will try."

Gandalf got on his feet, he shook his head and made a grimace. "I hope I never will have to do something like that again, it was not funny at all. I am glad he is so strong, it would have made the very soul of anyone weaker crumble and fade into nothing. Show him your compassion from now on, teach him that he is worthy of love and gentleness still."

Vanima sighed. "Sometimes I wonder why it has to be me, why the gods have chosen me for such a destiny."

Gandalf laid a hand on her shoulder and his eyes were soft and gentle, like a loving fathers. "Because you are such a rare person Vanima, believe me, few have your courage. If you had been born as an ellon I bet you would have been the first to challenge the dark lord himself, and I am rather sure that you would have succeeded too."

Vanima had to giggle. "Well, they say I have a terrible temper."

Gandalf nodded towards Thranduil, he was sleeping peacefully and looked once again innocent as a child. "You are very much alike Vanima, but also very different and I bet that the Valar have seen that. You do fulfill each other, make each other complete."

He walked to the door, sent her one last smile. "Sleep well Vanima, I will speak with him when he wakes up and I will stay here for a few weeks. I bet Lindir is gonna become a bit traumatized by the things he is learning here but it is time he learns about the facts of life. I have seen several ellith already who would be thrilled to teach him some more, I just doubt that he has the courage to let them."

Vanima had to giggle again, oh yes, Lindir was already sought after and she knew that some of the young single ellith had a bet going on who would be able to trick him into their bed first. Gandalf left the room and Vanima turned around, bit her lower lip. She didn't really know what to do. She took the glass and washed it before she put it back in its place, then she lit the hearth again and she gathered her courage and climbed into the bed again. She laid on her side of the wide bed and heard him breathe, it was something almost comforting in the sound and he looked relaxed, carefree, He hadn't looked like this since before the war. She was tired and her mind was razing still, she felt like she never could sleep again but slowly fatigue overcame her and she dozed off.

Vanima woke up because of sunlight which streamed through the openings in the curtains, she shook her head in confusion and then she felt something warm against her own skin. She yelped and turned her head slowly in shock. He was curled up against her, an arm wrapped around her chest and a leg was placed over hers, holding them together. He was breathing slowly and there was a strange expression of bliss on his face, one she had never seen before. She blushed and felt awkward, bothered even. But she gathered her courage and managed to lay still, he would never hurt her again and that he sought her like this told her he was healing already. He wasn't shying away from intimacy anymore and that was a good sign indeed. She allowed herself to relax and a weird smile formed on her mouth, she feared that he would react very differently when he woke up. If he now remembered what he had done to her he would be filled with regret and if she wanted her dreams to come true she would have to overcome it all, to make him see that he still was worthy of her, that it all was in the past. It would be hard on them both but she knew she could do it.

Thranduil didn't stir at all for hours and Vanima didn't usually spend most of the day in bed but she endured, for his sake. She didn't want him to wake up alone and afraid and it felt comfortable too, to be there like that, together. She remembered the first time she met him and his shock and disbelief when she insulted him and just walked out on him. She had to grin and knew that she already back then had felt something new, a strange sort of kinship. She had just been unable to understand it. She slept a little but woke up the moment he began to move, he moaned and his arm tensed up and suddenly she heard him gasp and he made a weird yip in shock and disbelief. She turned her head, stared at him, tried to look as friendly and relaxed as possible. His eyes were wide in shock, filled with utter disbelief. He noticed how he lay there close to her and he started to shiver. "Vanima?"

She nodded. "I am here Thran, don't be afraid."

He just stared at her, his chin trembling. "Oh Valar, he showed me it, everything, gods, I am so sorry, I am so very very sorry!"

She sighed. "I know Thran, I know. Do not worry, it was, but it will never be again."

He broke into crying, tears were flowing down his cheeks and he sobbed, his arm shivering and she gathered all her mental strength, pushed her own fear away and pulled him into her embrace. "There there, easy Thran, ssshhhh, it is alright, let it all out, I am here."

He just cried, pressed his face against her neck and she felt how his warm tears made her hair and gown wet but she didn't mind it at all. He was back, he was once more himself. She lay there with the trembling body in her arms and he wept for what had to be at least an hour. In the end he just lay there, mumbling apologies and incoherent words of regret and sorrow. He shuddered and she pulled the blankets tighter around them, allowed him to hold her and it made her feel strong, powerful even. It was such a good feeling to be able to bring him some comfort and relief. He whispered to her, eyes cast downwards and a blush upon his cheeks. "I do not deserve you, you are too good for me."

She shook her head. "No, I am not. I am no saint damn it, but it is alright, it is a new start for us Thran, a new chance."

He sighed, his hand stroked her golden hair and there was such sorrow in his eyes. "I know, but I will never be able to forgive myself for what I did to you, I betrayed you, and I did what no male ever has the right to do."

Vanima took a deep breath. "Yes, but it wasn't really you, it was that darkness that had overtaken your fêa that made you do those things, you are free now. I can maybe not forgive but I can as sure as hell understand. For now that is enough I think, and we can take it from there."

He nodded, his warm breath tickling her skin and his hand reaching out, taking hers. "You sent for help didn't you?"

Vanima nodded. "Yes, I had to, or else I would have lost you and the realm would have lost its king. The future needs you Thran, we cannot afford to lose you, not now not ever."

He blushed, squeezed her hand. "Thank you for those words my dear, it is strange but I feel as though I have been walking in a sort of a dream for a long time. Nothing seems to have been real since I left for that goddamn war, it has been a nightmare even though I have been awake."

She smiled, the heat from his body felt so real, so natural and so there. It felt right, he belonged there, with her. She could not forget that and she kissed his hair gently. "Yes, but now the darkness has been chased away and you can once again breathe freely."

He sighed. "I still remember, but now it is just memories, not waking visions, I am not being brought back every single time I remember or think about them. It is weird but true."

She nodded and felt a bit more at ease. "I am glad to hear that, you are no longer possessed by the past, how do you feel otherwise from that?"

He tried to grin. "Like crap, I feel like I have been fighting for hours and I have the most god awful taste in my mouth, like I have been trying to chew on old unwashed socks or something."

Vanima had to giggle, he had gotten his sense of humor back, it had been gone for years now and it was in this moment she really knew that he was back, that the ellon he had been was returned to her. She put her arm around him and smiled. "Then lets help you get rid of that shall we? And I know that it is way past midday so it is about time we get out of bed before everybody starts to wonder where we are."

He nodded but there was something almost frightened in his eyes. "They all know it don't they? That I have been a bastard, that I have treated you like filth and acted like some goddamn orc."

Vanima sighed and stroked his hair, she had to think before she tried to speak. "They know you hurt me, struck me and neglected me. But they do not know of the…rape."

She grasped him by the chin, stared into his sad blue eyes. "Swear this Thran, swear that you'll never let anyone know of that. I do not want to let that one terrible deed destroy our future."

He moaned. "I do swear but it rips the very soul of me to know what I did to you. I saw it Vanima, he showed me! I have never felt so horrified ever, and it was me, I did it!"

She shook her head. "No, it wasn't you, it wasn't you at all. You know this deep within, you are free now and the free elf you are would never do anything that terrible. I know you Thran, if I didn't I wouldn't be here with you now and you would already be dead, beheaded or hanged."

He nodded, his eyes dark. "He showed me that too, I saw myself die Vanima, and it wasn't pretty."

She pulled him tighter into her embrace. "I know, lets get up and get cleaned up. "

He let go of her, very reluctantly. "Is it ok that I speak to the others? I will not mention any details or anything, I just need to let them know that I have been…unwell, and that I am myself once more."

She smiled, a soft and comforting smile. "That will be good for you I am sure, and they will know why you have behaved so strangely of late."

He scoffed. "Strangely? That is the understatement of the millennia. I have been a beast Vanima, I have drowned in the darkness but now I see the light once more and it has never been more beautiful nor brighter. "

She helped him get out of the bed and he blushed and his eyes flickered. "Does it not bother you Vanima?"

She turned her head towards him, he towered above her and leaned heavily against her shoulder. "What do you mean?"

He blushed even more. "To see me…naked, after what I did to you."

She smacked him across his ass and he whimpered and stared at her in shock. "Of course not you huge fool, you are as beautiful as ever. The thing that violated me wasn't you, it used your body but it was something born of darkness and evil and despair, not at all the person you truly are."

He closed his eyes and some tears ran down his cheeks. "Vanima, sometimes I am rather sure that the gods made a mistake when you were born as an elf, you should have been one of the Valar themselves."

She just grinned and helped him into the bathroom. She would make sure that he looked his best, then they would have some food and talk with Gandalf and then he would let the load off his chest and let the rest of the realm know of the disease which had crippled his soul, the infection he now had overcome and conquered and deep within she was indeed very proud of her husband. She knew that they were right, he was perhaps stronger than any other of the elven leaders and she was sure that he would prove that strength time and time again in the future. And she just prayed that she would be allowed to stay by his side for as long as possible.


	9. The fawn and the leaf

**Last chapter folks;** This is the last part of this story and it is a bit bittersweet, a happy ending in some ways and yet not. But that's life, and to achieve something other things will almost always be lost. Hope you have enjoyed this tale anyhow.

**Chapter Nine : The fawn and the leaf**

She had never been more proud of him then she was right there and then, he stood before the gathered crowd and told them almost everything, told of the darkness that had possessed his very mind and soul and the terrible effects it had had on both him and his wife. It took a lot of strength to do that, and not the least courage. But he managed, even though he was crying so everybody could see it and shivered like a leaf in high winds. When he was done there was a strange silence, nobody spoke but many came up to him, touched his hand, whispered soft words of understanding and encouragement and he still wept. He had gotten the load of his chest and looked as if it had been a relief, a cleansing and now the people knew why he had acted the way he had.

Gandalf were still a bit worried but he was hiding it brilliantly and Thranduil was beside himself with gratitude. He wanted to show it too but Gandalf told him that the knowledge that the king now was much better was reward enough. Vanima was grateful too, she still felt nervous around him but that was just out of habit and she tried as hard as she could to break it. He would never behave like that again and so she tried to relax and accept the affection and gratitude he seemed to almost shower her with. It took some days before they managed to get an overview of the situation though, he was still a bit overwhelmed by what they had showed him and he sometimes would retract into his own thoughts again but he didn't snap or turn nasty when this happened. He just got sad and he accepted her attempts to comfort him and lead his mind away from it all. He still doubted himself, felt guilty and scarred by his experiences and he also felt unworthy of her care and compassion. She tried to convince him of the opposite but it was tough on her, she would still wince if he tried to touch her in any way and then his eyes would get so hurt and sad and her heart was bleeding for him.

Gandalf and Lindir left after a few weeks, Vanima had noticed that the young minstrel had gotten very accustomed to the palace life and he seemed to be very reluctant to leave. She had a suspicion as to why, there were some gossip being spread and her chamber maidens could tell her that the minstrel had learned more than just old folk songs, there were several ellith there who were most pleased with his performances. Thranduil did give Gandalf a farewell gift, a very beautiful dagger which had belonged to his father and the wizard seemed to be very fond of the gift. Vanima missed the Istari right away, she was afraid that Thranduil would relapse but she hoped that it would be ok. He would not be back to normal right away but it would happen eventually. He was very occupied with the plans for a new palace and during that summer they did find some possible sites. Vanima was glad he had this to occupy his mind, he was so eager and his eyes were shining and he would tell her of all his plans when they were alone together. He had a youthful joy filling his very soul and it made her very happy to see it.

He still had nightmares but now they were just dreams, not visions and they were not happening that often. She had one confession to make, and it was a hard one. She was still afraid of him cheating on her for some reason, she had some of her servants keeping an eye on him but he never sought out any females again and she was very relieved. He would be very careful when he tried to touch her, always asking if he was allowed to hug her or just touch her hand and slowly their relationship returned to what it had been before the war.

The trust was slowly returning and she started to feel a bit more safe around him. There was a new maturity growing within him now, he was a more sad elf but also more balanced and his decisions were always very well thought of and wise.

He went away with a team of his best counsellors to check out the new sites where they could build that new home and he was gone for weeks. Vanima did miss him, she had to admit this. She missed him terribly knowing how much he had changed and she was so relieved when he returned back unharmed and well she almost wept. Thranduil had checked three sites and the first two had been complete misses. The first cave they had found was way too small and there had been no water present, they could not build a fortress without a good water supply. The next one had water, in fact it had way too much of it. It would flood during the rainy seasons and so it was crossed off the list too. The third one on the other hand was perfect although it would require a lot of work. He was eagerly making plans and drawings and she enjoyed seeing his joy.

He still felt unworthy of affection and love and doubted himself but it got better, although slowly. They all did whatever they could to raise his self-esteem and confidence and it appeared that the palace project was exactly what he needed. He was so busy he never had time to sit down and think that much and it was what he needed. The winter was a mild one that year and there was much feasting and merry making and Vanima was enjoying herself. The artisans were already busy with the preparations for the new palace and sometimes she would be involved in hour long discussions about the different solutions available. It was stimulating and fun and she enjoyed it a lot, it made him laugh and relax and they got closer every day. But he was still reluctant in some ways, he never spoke of it but she understood that he somehow felt stained, dirty even. He would spend a lot of time in the baths and she feared that he had gotten disgusted by his own body and the way he felt that it had betrayed him. He was almost punishing himself and she did notice that he sometimes soiled his sheets in his sleep but he never tried to seek release in any way.

He would no longer tried to pull her close to him just to feel her near and she had no idea of how she would make him understand that he was the same as he always had been. He should not be ashamed of himself, but the doubt seemed to have gotten a very strong grip on him.

Then one evening in very early spring one of the hunters returned to the palace in a hurry, he was carrying a fawn but Vanima had never seen that sort of deer before. It was so big, and the fur darker than normal. The hunter told them that he had found it orphaned by a bear that had killed the mother and he didn't have the heart to kill the little one. Thranduil was shocked to see it, this type of deer or elk was very rare and they grew to become huge beasts with enormous antlers.

There was a bestiary in the library and they had to check it to find the name of the animal, the wise called it a megaloceros and suddenly they were a bit worried, how were they to care for the fawn?

Thranduil sat down trying to pet it and the fawn instantly tried to suckle his nose, he had to laugh and the small animal just walked right into his arms and Vanima saw it,  how he melted completely. "Vanima, we cannot let this little one die, we have to help him."

She smiled and sat down too, saw the pleading expression in his eyes and nodded. "Of course not, but how?"

Thranduil got onto his feet and the fawn began running after him, as if he was the mother. The elves present all smiled and Thranduil blushed ever so slightly. "Does anyone know how to feed such a creature?"

One of the ellith came forth, she had a soft smile upon her face. "Try goats milk, and he needs to be fed often but not much at a time. I think the stable master has a nursing bottle that you may use."

Thranduil made a grimace. "Goats milk? Where in the name of Morgoth do we get that?"

Vanima cocked her head. "The human village close to the river where it meets the lake has some goats, you could send someone to buy a couple?"

Thranduil immediately grinned and nodded, ran off and got hold of one of the guards who was sent away with a pouch of silver and the order to buy two good goats. And so one of the farmers living by the river was shocked to find an elf standing outside of his hut with a very tired horse held by the reins and a polite question on his lips. The elf got two goats and the farmer wondered if the elf knew what he was getting himself into because goats can be rather infernal creatures and without a huge herd they can be destructive as hell.

Thranduil was thrilled when the guard returned with the goats, the ellon was swearing and cursing like a sailor since the animals had come up with all sorts of mischief on the way back home and Vanima immediately told the carpenter to build a very solid place for them in the stable. She knew that goats could be very sly and cunning and great lovers of mischief and trouble. An elleth taught them how to milk the goats and then they tried to make the fawn suckle and at first it refused but Thranduil was patient and gentle and soon enough the small animal was drinking eagerly. Vanima had hardly ever seen a more weird sight, the king of Greenwood sat in a stall in his robes, on a thick layer of clean straw holding a fawn while he gently sang a lullaby to it and made it drink from a bottle.

It was very cute and heartwarming and she suddenly realized that this was exactly what he needed, something or someone who relied upon him as a person, not as a king. The fawn didn't care if he carried a crown, all it needed was to be cared for and Thranduil seemed to forget his own problems completely. Vanima told herself that this was going to be his own project, she would not intervene at all. Thranduil proudly proclaimed that the fawn was to be called Laman and it made Vanima protest since it meant just animal but the name stayed. The fawn was very weak and fragile and had to be fed every second hour and so they started a long and tedious task that would take weeks to complete.

Thranduil never forgot about his little fawn, he would go to the stable every second hour and Vanima knew that he opened  his heart completely to the innocent little creature, he would tell the fawn of all the things that bothered him and the small animal never judged him or did anything else than accept the care he was given. The king would go to the stable even in the middle of the night to feed the fawn and everybody thought that it was so very kind of him and very sweet too. Vanima saw something else too, she saw how caring he was, how gently he treated the fawn and knew that he probably would become a terrific father one day. He had such patience and there was so much gentleness in those large hands when he was massaging the fawns legs and making it stand up to build its strength.

The goats were a menace and Vanima didn't know how many times she and the other ellith had to chase the two ravenous herbivores out of the herbal garden, the flowers of the small park, the infirmary, the main hall, the throne room… And they ate everything! One of them actually had a go at the huge heavy sheets covering the thrones when they were out of use and it almost choked itself on the fabric that was both heavy and slick.. Luckily one of the guards did the animal version of the Heimlich manuvre and saved the beast from an unpleasant death. Thranduil saw the ruined sheets and mumbled something about "Roast goat" but he did nothing about it. Soon they realized that the only way to control the two rascals were to keep them tied up and having someone follow them around as if they were dogs. Some elflings got that job and they loved it and the gardener could take a deep sigh of relief, his precious plants were saved.

One night Vanima woke up and found his half of the bed empty, she got on a robe and staggered into the stable just to check on him and found the king asleep in the straw with the fawn sleeping peacefully next to him. It was such a lovely scene and she just stood there for a while, admiring the sight. She then took a horse blanket and gently covered them up before she went back to bed, yes, he had a very soft heart and she knew that this would cleanse him of the last of the poison that had infected his mind.

The fawn did grow, and it got boisterous and playful and Thranduil would take it out of the stall and let it play in the courtyard and he would run and laugh and enjoy himself. Vanima felt as though she was staring at an elfling sometimes, not a grown ellon but it really warmed her heart to watch this and everybody was so fond of the small animal even if it by then had learned to beg shamelessly. It was especially fond of caramels and the elflings were spoiling it completely, it didn't help that the stable master tried to make them understand that it wasn't good for the little thing. They still had to feed the fawn several times a day but it didn't need food that often anymore and it had started eating other things too. It was wild about the oats the horses got and the grooms had to hide the sacks so the fawn didn't eat itself to death. It also liked carrots and apples and it started to grow at an alarming speed.

The silvan were telling them that the animal would grow to the size of a very huge horse and it was a buck so it would have some impressive antlers too when it matured. Vanima had a strange suspicion, Thranduil would sometimes stare at the elk and grin and she just could not believe that he thought of taming it and using it as a horse but then again, he was a bit crazy still. Laman was very docile and gentle and it never kicked or tried to hurt anyone but it was proud and disliked being made fun of. The goats learned that they never should try to steal his feed and Vanima also discovered that it enjoyed being groomed. When they stood there with a brush each and worked on the shiny coat the elk just rolled his eyes with pleasure and got annoyed if they stopped.

He was the size of a rather large pony when autumn came and he no longer needed to be bottle fed, he didn't need milk anymore and Thranduil did mention roast goat and barbeque once more but the goats stayed and suddenly someone went and bought a billy too and the king had to sigh and accept that they probably would have a whole herd of these rascals in a few year time. But Vanima laughed and said that if they ever were to encounter an orc problem again they could unleash the goats and then Thranduil laughed so hard he almost fell of his chair.

One evening in late autumn she and Thranduil were busy grooming Laman which by now was following Thranduil everywhere like a dog, a very huge dog by the way. The elk would lay in front of his throne and when people from outside of the realm came to talk to the king they were shocked to see that this strange elk lay there, other kings would perhaps have a wolf hound or something like that by their throne but not Thranduil, no, he had an elk. Vanima tried to reason with him and tell him that by the next spring the animal would be too large but he didn't listen to her, Laman was his friend and that was the end of that discussion. They were busy brushing away at the soft coat when Laman nudged Vanima so she lost her balance and almost fell. Thranduil caught her before she could hurt herself and lifted her back onto her feet and they just stood there, staring at each other. If an elk could grin that was probably what Laman did. Vanima just stared into his huge blue eyes and saw the softness in them, the longing. Then he leaned forward and kissed her, very gently and carefully and she didn't resist at all.

She had found that she no longer feared him, the mean and heartless person he had been was no more and perhaps the Valar used Laman as a tool but that little nudge was what it took. This time she wasn't disgusted by his kiss, she didn't feel like he was invading her space and she took in his scent and knew that her heart suddenly had room for more. She kissed him back and he gasped and embraced her and they stood there for a long time, just enjoying being close and safe within each-others embrace. Then he bit his lip with a glimpse of mischief in his eyes and took her hand. "I did never get the chance to court you properly back then, may I have your permission now?"

Vanima could only giggle and nod and then he smiled, a smile that lit up the room it seemed and hugged her hard. "Thank you meleth, I will not disappoint you"

She touched his cheek gently with her hand. "You'd better not, because then the she-dragon might return"

He laughed. "Valar protect us"

Laman just continued chewing his hay but there was a strange glimpse in the dark eyes that perhaps was mirth. Vanima didn't really know what to expect from him, she had never been courted before and she was a bit nervous. The first thing that happened was that she walked into their chambers the next morning to find flowers everywhere. It looked a bit insane but it did move her, he knew her well enough to have gotten her favorites too and Oliel and Losille were shocked and a bit in awe too. It was very obvious to everybody that things were getting better between the king and the queen and many were really happy on their behalf. If their king was content and joyful then their realm too would flourish and the atmosphere was one of hope now. Vanima had to admit that the trick with the flowers was very sweet of him and she was left wondering about what the next thing would be. She wasn't disappointed, he took her down to the stable under the excuse of wanting her to help him groom Laman but in a stall stood a new horse she never had seen. A stunningly beautiful palomino mare with huge gentle brown eyes and a mane and tails as white as snow and skin like newly made gold coins.

Vanima almost didn't believe him when he told her that this horse from now on was hers and she felt a bit overwhelmed by this gift. But now she had a horse of her own and they started to go for rides in the woods. Vanima enjoyed that a lot, they had guards with them of course but the guards would stay at a distance to let the couple have at least some privacy and they explored the woods and she started to gradually trust him even more than before. He let her decide many things regarding the new palace and they worked very well together. She often saw solutions to which he was ignorant and the plans became something made by the two of them together.

One evening he surprised her by sneaking out of the palace in the middle of the night and he had her blindfolded so she had no idea of where she was, neither did she know what he was thinking about. They walked for quite a long time and he was leading her by the hand the whole time. When he finally stopped and removed the blindfold she saw a place she never had been to before It was a pond in the forest and it looked rather magical because of the fireflies that were dancing around and the stars stood so clear above the dark canopy of very ancient trees. He had placed a basket with food and wine there and she giggled and felt a bit stupid. She had never been much of a romantic but he obviously was. They sat down on the grass and talked and stared at the skies and she didn't resist when he kissed her again. One kiss became more and she allowed him to caress her, to touch her skin.

Vanima started to believe that maybe she soon would be able to let him take it to the next level, she was still a bit scared but she knew that he had changed, that he no longer was the same person who had violated her. They just sat there close together, enjoying the moment and sharing their dreams of the future and when they returned to the palace Vanima knew that Teren had been right, she could love again. She lay awake for a while before she went to sleep, she hoped for a long joyful time with him and prayed that the Valar would grant her that.

The spring was very vigorous and now Laman had become so big he was causing some problems, he could not be indoors any longer and so they had a heck of a job keeping the young stag out of the palace. But it soon started to seek out others of its kind and it could be gone for weeks and Thranduil missed it but he didn't try to prevent it from leaving, it was after all a forest animal and they could not demand that it abandoned its natural life. The palace they were planning were starting to take shape and it was hard work but Vanima could start to see how it one day would look. It would be marvelous and she supported him wholeheartedly and tried to ease his burden as much as she could. He still brought her gifts, beautiful gowns, jewelry and such but the most precious gift of all was his time. She loved spending time with him and they would often sit by the fire and read to each other like they had done when they had just married. He had a weird sense of humor and would laugh at jokes and stories she just found peculiar and he liked to challenge her intellect by reading poems in quenya and other ancient languages to see if she managed to get the subtle nuances of the language. She got him back by telling him riddles and although he often grew a bit frustrated he mostly managed to solve them rather fast.

They would sleep very close together now, curled up like kittens in a basket and Vanima didn't fear his touch anymore, still he didn't really make any serious move until one evening when they had been sitting by the hearth reading. He suddenly got up from his chair, walked over to her and kneeled by her chair, grasping her hands and then he started kissing them, gently and carefully. Vanima was a bit confused but she started to feel a heat within that had nothing to do with the fire from the hearth. He moved up her arms, kissing them gently, caressing her skin as if he was worshiping it and she let him do it. She knew it was no point in delaying this, she had regained her trust in him and he needed it, she knew he did. He needed to receive this last proof of her acceptance and love. She knelt down next to him, kissing him and letting her hands roam underneath the fabric of his tunic, exploring warm skin shivering with life and joy.

Before long they were both laying on the huge pelt in front of the hearth, both naked and both caught by a maelstrom of emotions too strong to deny. He was touching her everywhere, so lightly and gently and with such admiration, and every touch made her feel as though her skin was on fire with pure excitement and thrill. She could smell how much he wanted her, but he kept himself under control and never moved forth too fast, he let her set the pace and she allowed her own body to react to him, to awaken and seek its own pleasure. Vanima had never imagined that it could feel that wonderful, that safe and thrilling and at the same time new. She wasn't afraid at all and enjoyed touching him, just to see how he responded. That she showed initiative and showed curiosity and joy brought him almost to tears with relief and he spent a long time just touching and teasing and teaching her what to do. He actually brought her all the way twice with just hands and tongue and she didn't hesitate at all when he finally asked her if she would allow him to take her. She didn't want this wonderful intimacy to end, ever. He was very careful, extremely gentle so he wouldn't reawaken bad memories and she was shocked by how she now felt. It was so entirely different and she suddenly understood why people liked this so much. She could just cling onto him and whimper as he filled her and brought her to climax again and again. At the end they lay there on the pelt utterly exhausted, very sated and very much in love. The bond that had started to grow between them had been completed and she knew that she now truly was his wife. And the thought made her both humble and proud.

The next morning Oliel found them asleep on the floor and the chamber maiden had to giggle and turn around before she shouted out loud to wake them up. It was very obvious that the two of them now had taken it to a whole new emotional level for they no longer seemed to be able to keep their hands off each other. He would caress her as often as possible, he didn't care if they were in public and many would smile and nod their heads in approval. The royal couple was blooming and their happiness contagious. The realm did have a sort of a baby boom after the war and there were little ones playing everywhere and Vanima started to feel that deep inner longing again. She could just hope that the Valar would bless them.

The work on the new palace took time, he would often go to the site to control the progress and then she would miss him terribly and when he returned he would spend the better part of a day in their chambers and nobody doubted what they were doing. Vanima had developed quite an appetite for the joys of the bed now, the only thing she didn't allow him to do was to take her from behind, that released too many memories and so he avoided that sort of situations but otherwise from that she had suffered no ill effects, at least not physically. She never felt as complete as she was when she lay with him and when they slept in eachother's arms they were perfectly content and safe.

The winter came and went and suddenly one day in spring Laman returned, now with two does both with fawn and he had started to grow an impressive pair of antlers. The animal was huge by now, and Thranduil and Vanima the only ones who were allowed to touch him. And so began a tradition, each spring Laman would bring his does and fawns to the palace to greet the king of the Greenwood and the king would in return ban all hunting of these magnificent beasts. Laman lived for many years and had numerous offspring and when he at the end laid down beneath a great oak never again to awaken Thranduil gathered the magnificent antlers and mounted them on his throne. The sons of Laman would continue the tradition and on some occasions they would allow the king to ride them. The palace underneath the hill was taking shape, it took decades to build and carve and Thranduil was extremely eager to make every little detail perfect. Vanima took great pride in their work as well and she made sure that the surrounding areas had trees which would provide them with fruit and nuts and meadows with herbs and berries.

The greenwood was thriving and so were the other realms as well, it seemed that the days of darkness and fear were long gone and everybody enjoyed it immensely. One day Vanima's youngest sister and her husband came to visit, uninvited and very suddenly. Vanima suspected foul play right away, this sister of hers were rather quiet and shy, almost without a voice of her own and her husband, who their mother had chosen, the complete opposite. The ellon was bragging a lot about his own accomplishments and his own deeds and he sounded as if the whole of Imladris would fall to pieces without him present. Vanima sent a courier right away to check out the story they were told of the couple just needing a small holiday away from it all. She would never get the truth out of her sister who was too much her husband's loyal slave to disobey him and too much in love with him to be able to detect any errors or faults in his personality. The courier returned after a week, he had ridden very hard but the news was as Vanima had feared. The couple had been banished from both Imladris and Lothlorien. In Lothlorien her brother in law had managed to insult just about everyone from the high lady herself to the galadhrim warriors and in Imladris he had challenged none other than Glorfindel to a duel, lost with grandeur and accused the famous warrior of cheating afterwards. Elrond had banished the two in fear of otherwise having to deal with a case of kin slaying for the balrog slayer was fuming with anger.

Vanima didn't reveal that she knew of this, she told Thranduil of course and he did indeed have a wicked streak to him for when the ellon came to him asking for an important job he elegantly gave Vanima's brother in law the honorable task of becoming their emissary to the dwarven city of Erebor and since the relationship between the elves and the dwarfs were tense at its best the elf left the throne room both pale and furious and yet he could not complain because it was an

important job with lots of prestige. It just wasn't an easy job nor a pleasant one. Vanima laughed so hard she almost puked afterwards and Thranduil reminded her of an elfling who has committed some sort of prank and gone unpunished. His eyes were sparkling with mischief and joy and she had never loved him more.

The summers were filled with peace and joy now, and there were no dark clouds to cast shadows upon their lives, everybody was happily working at gathering food, training or farming and the realm had a sort of golden age. After many long years of work the new palace was finished and the population moved towards it, many stayed but where they had been but most of the elves were eager to start anew. The palace was perfection, Vanima was very pleased with the result and soon it became a place teeming with life. He had brought the antlers from the old thrones and placed them onto the new one and it looked amazing. Most of the carvings made within the cave mimicked roots and trees and Vanima spent months discovering new details almost every day. The courtly life soon fell into a routine and she was relaxed and content and Thranduil was doing his job extremely well as always. Their new home was a place of light and joy for many years but Vanima had one complaint of which she never spoke. She had started yearning for a child of her own seeing how many of the other ellith who became mothers these years but nothing seemed to happen even if they were trying rather eagerly.

The dark days were just a bad memory now and he was a very attentive and caring husband and she could never find anything to complain about. He could be very boyish at times when they were in private and tease and play and it made her feel young and filled with hope too. After some years she just accepted that the Valar would bless them whenever they saw it fit and she tried to stop thinking about it. Thranduil had of course noticed her longing and he too wanted children of his own but he was more relaxed and didn't allow it to put stress into his life. The old palace burned to the ground a summer night, struck by lightning and Vanima was glad that they now were safe from that kind of danger. Thranduil often received messages from the other realms telling of how things were changing with time and Vanima often got letters from her own family. They were of course filled with mostly gossip but there were some gems of information hidden within even that.

Vanima had hoped that this their golden age would last forever but alas, it too came to an end. Orcs began appearing again, attacks were becoming ever more frequent and the warriors laid down their tools and picked up their weapons once more. Thranduil was getting worried, the reports were becoming increasingly worrying and when some hunters arrived at the palace having encountered some huge spiders nest she could see that this news made him very grim indeed. They got letters from Lothlorien telling of an increase in orcs along the borders and also Imladris had problems. Lord Elronds wife was attacked and so badly hurt she had to leave for Valinor to survive and Thranduil received that message with a sort of fear Vanima knew too well. He feared for her safety and from now on she wasn't allowed to go anywhere without several guards. Over the years the forest seemed to darken in some areas in the south and it was spreading as were the spider webs and their sinister occupants.

Vanima had seen spiders before, the palace was full of them and they did a good job catching flies and mosquitos and they were harmless to everyone. But these on the other hand were huge, the size of a pony and very dangerous and they seemed to grow in size every year. The healers were working like mad finding antidotes against their poison and the warriors were encountering these beasts more and more often. Thranduil was becoming increasingly worried, he didn't let her see it but she knew him well by now. He was trying to keep the realm strong and tried to maintain the good relationships with their neighbors as well but she noticed that they too became affected by the growing darkness.

Thranduil would sometimes go to Erebor just to show his respect, he was always in a bad mood when he returned complaining about the dwarves being a bit too cocky for his liking but then he returned from such a visit and he wasn't angry, he was scared. Vanima didn't manage to get anything out of him until they were alone in their chambers and then he told her he had felt something weird when he was inside the dwarf city, a sort of warning. He had noticed that the dwarf king had gotten increasingly obsessed with his treasure and this time the dwarf had downright teased the elves with the gems his people had gathered. Vanima didn't like the sound of it and Thranduil had felt a dark presence there, something ancient and evil and he feared that the dwarf king would attract the wrong kind of attention if he continued hording like he was. He didn't elaborate this further but Vanima knew he was right. There was something moving out there, beyond their vision and their reach and she didn't like it at all.

And then, one day in spring she woke up after a very heated and passionate night and instantly knew that her dream suddenly had come true. She knew her own body and she could sense the fêa of her newly conceived child, a tiny flickering flame of light and life and she almost broke down into tears. She had waited for so long and finally they had heard her prayers. She just lay there in tears and when he woke up he was startled at first, fearing that something was wrong. But when she told him he almost passed out with shock and joy and he was weeping in gratitude and wouldn't let go of her until she had to tell him she needed to use the bathroom.

It didn't take more than a couple of days before the entire population knew of the happy news and the queue of elves coming to congratulate the royal couple was long and very merry. Vanima was almost showered with attention and Thranduil started treating her as if she was made from eggshells. That made her a bit angry because she felt strong and she wasn't even showing yet but he couldn't help himself. To him she was a miracle and he would lay there at night with his head on her belly and he would often speak to their unborn child and she would giggle and tell him that the baby probably couldn't hear anything yet.

After a few weeks Vanima started to understand that being pregnant isn't all cozy and nice, she was getting morning sickness and the weird thing was that so was her husband. He and Vanima had almost a sort of puking contest and Hwan would laugh and tell them that it was because of the very tight bond between them. The father had to put a lot of his strength into the creation of a new fêa and let the mother draw from his light too and so it was just natural that they shared a lot of symptoms. He didn't like that part of it at all, he was even greener than she was and refused to show himself in public until the nausea had stopped for the day. Vanima would tease him and laugh and he would kiss her and tell her how brave he though she was and she would beam with pride and kiss him back. Their new happiness gave him extra strength, she did notice this. He wanted to create a safe future for their child and he would often tease her and claim that he hoped that they would get a whole bunch of children over time. Vanima had to laugh at his enthusiasm, she had absolutely no plans of ending up like Feanor's wife Nerdanel with seven sons, that had to have been one very tired elleth indeed.

Vanima was rather preoccupied with the preparations now and she didn't pay that much attention to the things  that were going on outside of the palace. She had sent a letter to her family to tell them the happy news and the answer was polite but also sort of sour, maybe they had hoped that the child less marriage would open an opportunity for any of theirs to get closer to the throne. She spent her time sewing baby clothes and she already knew it was a boy, she remembered what Galadriel had told her and what she had seen and she was scared. She feared that the things she had seen told her of a dark fate for herself and so she tried as best as she could to show Thranduil as much love as possible. She never told him of her fear and he was just so very happy and caring and they were closer than ever before now.

The realm suffered the first casualties, warriors died because of orcs or spiders and he hid it to her, he didn't want her to becoming worried and he feared that their son would be born into a new dark age. He wanted his child to live in peace, to become someone who didn't have to know the ways of the bow or sword but it became very apparent that this was a wish he probably wouldn't live to see fulfilled. Orcs were invading the forest and they pushed them back but he noticed that they probably originated from one of his father's old palaces that had fallen to ruins millennia ago. It was a very bitter thought and he was very careful to separate between himself as a king and as a private person, at least when he was with Vanima. She was getting heavier and preferred to stay indoors now and the ladies of the court would keep her company and tried to keep her mood raised and her courage strong. The morning sickness stopped and she was happy but then she started having swollen ankles and other aches too and she had to admit with a sigh that this having children business was a tough job.

The child would be born in early spring and everybody told her that was a good thing, he would bring a new start to the entire realm, a new chance for their house and name and Vanima was trying very hard not to show her worries. She got to the stage when she had food cravings and they were bad. The midwives would joke with it but she didn't find it funny at all. She did wake Thranduil up in the middle of the night screaming for fresh strawberries or salted herring and some of the things she wanted were impossible to come by. Thranduil almost lost it one evening when he caught her eating table chalk and on one occasion she was found in the kitchen gnawing away at a dried deer heart. Thranduil was really in disbelief of her appetite and changing preferences and he swore she was driving him in sane some times. She also had developed quite an appetite for other things too and he was worried that such activities could harm the child but the midwives reassured him that it was normal and nothing to worry about, it would strengthen their bond and even though they gave them the advice to quit making love the last weeks before her due day it was ok to have an active love life up to that time.

He would lay there with his arm around her and feel the baby move and it made him feel more humble and stronger than ever before. There wasn't anything he wouldn't do for his family and he was so eager to finally meet his son. But he did fear the birth itself, he knew it would become a terrible strain upon her and he hated the idea of seeing her in pain without being able to help her in any way. Vanima had problems moving around and she felt tired all the time, she had lost her appetite too and she did notice that Hwan was worried but he tried to hide it. The midwives were more optimistic and Vanima was starting to prepare herself for the birth. She knew it was going to be very painful and tough on her and she tried to meditate and control her own fear that way. The winter gave way for a new spring and this year it was very vigorous. It went from snow and cold to green and lush in just a couple of weeks and everybody was so glad the winter was over. Thranduil had started to send out patrols now to guard their borders and he knew that the other elven leaders had done the same. The orcs were getting bolder by the day and he didn't like it a bit.

Then one early morning Vanima woke up with a strange cramp in her back and before long she realized that this was it. She was going into labor and she just laid there in a state of controlled panic until she could hide it no longer and woke Thranduil who flipped completely out and ran around like a startled rabbit until she managed to calm him down. She was brought to the birthing room within the infirmary and Thranduil followed her even though the midwives sent him glances filled with daggers and ice. It took a long time before she really got started and Hwan spoke encouraging words and told her that was a good thing, it gave her body time to prepare itself. Vanima didn't think it felt very prepared at all, she was sweating and panting and the agony was just unbearable. And she hadn't even started pushing yet! She was getting increasingly scared and Thranduil sat in a chair by her side pale as a ghost with shivering hands. His eyes told her everything she needed to know, he was terrified and in disbelief and she tried to act calm and confident for his sake but it was getting harder by the hour.

Soon she was screaming and swearing like a sailor and Thranduil was shocked by her vocabulary but he did understand her, he understood too darn well. Her agony was something he almost could feel himself and he sat there praying and hoping and just trying to be as supportive as he possibly could. It took more than a whole day before she really started giving birth and she knew too darn well that it was a bad sign, it was as if her body was fighting the whole process and the midwives had become grim and worked with giving her some herbs that would ease her agony. Hwan feared that her hips were too narrow and it made her panic. She squeezed Thranduil's hand so hard she almost fractured it and she feared more than anything else that her child would die. But the herbs made her contractions stronger and she no longer had any control of her own body, she was screaming in agony and he was crying in fear and compassion and it progressed although slowly.

It took two days in total before she finally was able to see her son for real and by then she was so tired she was only half conscious. The baby was large and beautiful but the long birth had weakened it and Hwan feared for his life. Vanima demanded to hold him and they reluctantly let her, they feared that it would be too much for her but she didn't listen to them now. She knew what to do, what Galadriel had meant by her words. She held her son and allowed his weak and shivering fêa to seek strength and life from her own and although it weakened her further she didn't hesitate. He had to live even if that meant her own demise. Hwan didn't realize what she was doing until the baby suddenly moved and started crying, it had gotten a much better color and looked just fine and she was getting more pale by the second and the healer realized that they could be losing her.

Thranduil just sat there, petrified and in shock and he didn't understand anything, all he knew was that he was so terribly afraid of losing her and the child and nobody told him anything. Hwan forced some sort of medicine into her and the midwives washed the baby and placed him in his father's arms and Thranduil immediately broke into tears once more, overwhelmed by a love so strong he never could have imagined anything even close to it. Hwan knew what Vanima had done to save her child, she was fading and he had to use all of his skill to prevent that from happening. He managed to stabilize her but she would remain unconscious for days and she would never recover completely from this ordeal. Thranduil was to stunned to say anything when Hwan told him this, he was caught between immense joy and the just as immense fear of losing her and the midwives managed to get a wet nurse to suckle the infant until Vanima regained consciousness.

Everybody soon knew of the situation and everywhere elves were praying for the queen and it seemed to help because she woke up again after two days, very weak and dazed but alive. Thranduil was so happy he just wept and Vanima knew she had done it, she had done that thing she was supposed to do and it felt very good. It was in itself a reward for the lonely hard years and the things she had been through. She got her son in her arms and felt complete, they just sat there for a long time admiring their perfect son and Vanima whispered her blessings and wishes to the little one who was contently sleeping at her chest. Thranduil had never seen a more beautiful sight ever and she knew that the love he felt for them both was as strong as the very foundations of the earth. It would never fade or die and she trusted him completely now.

Some days later the new heir was presented to the elves of the realm and he was given the name Legolas and there was celebrations going on for weeks. Letters arrived from the other realms with heartfelt congratulations too and for some time their happiness was complete. It seemed that the joy they experienced did chase away every dark thought and worry and Thranduil did indeed become a very dedicated father who didn't complain at all about dirty diapers and sleepless nights. To him it all was a great joy and wonder and the little one grew and got stronger by the day.

Vanima on the other hand didn't, she was so weak now, so fragile and she seemed to have lost her spark entirely. Thranduil was in despair when he saw the dark fatigue in her eyes and he missed that spark and light that had shocked him so when they first met. She endured though, she wasn't able to do much except being with their son and even that made her terribly tired. He would lay next to her at night feeling every bone in her body and he would weep knowing that this was the price they had to pay for their son. She had given her all to have their wonderful boy and he wanted so much to give her that spark back but he could not. She was still the beloved queen, the one everybody looked up to but she rarely showed herself in public and only for a short time.

Legolas grew fast and became a boisterous and strong little boy and raising him was a challenge, Vanima enjoyed it immensely but she knew the truth, she was just delaying the inevitable and the night she told her husband of her choice it almost broke his heart. But he knew she was right, there was no other choice if she was to live. For weeks they prepared for her departure and only Legolas prevented Thranduil from having a complete breakdown. He was so closely bonded to the boy and would manage to raise him alone without problems but Vanima knew that there always would be a void in her son's soul where she should have been. And yet there was no other choice. The last nights she was to spend in Greenwood she lay with her husband next to her and they confessed their unending undying love for each other again and again, they didn't want to part but they had to. She knew she was dying, if she stayed she wouldn't last another winter and he wanted to know that she was safe in Aman even if that meant that he would have to spend the rest of his days on Arda alone with only her memory to keep him company. She had given him his lovely son and he would forever be grateful for that and for the years of happiness she had brought him.

She left early one morning, heavily guarded and travelling in a wagon since she was too weak to even ride, the entire population had gathered to see her on her way and some of her servants were to follow her the entire way knowing they never would return. Thranduil stood on the bridge in front of the palace door and he cried but he held Legolas in his arms and she knew that he was strong enough to endure even this. She felt in her heart that they one day would meet again and upon that thought  rested all her hope and all her dreams. She didn't look back as the wagon rolled out of sight, she couldn't because she knew that if she did her heart would break for sure and so she just closed her eyes and knew that she had come a long way from that night in the palace garden when she had insulted a Sindar prince and taken the first step towards her ultimate destiny. 

Thranduil almost broke down and only his son prevented him from fading from grief and longing, over the years to come the bond between father and son became very strong and he was a very loving although strict father. He wouldn't risk losing Legolas too, if that happened he would most certainly either die, fade or become the beast he once had been. His love for his son gave him strength to stand his ground, to fight and become one of the mightiest elven leaders and he knew that Vanima would have been so very proud to see what a magnificent young elf Legolas was becoming. The darkness grew and the powers of evil were increasing but he knew deep inside that a part of her strength had stayed with him and the thought of her flaming temper and iron will often was what made him clench his teeth together and continue fighting. If he ever was to see her again he would meet her as a victorious king and he would never betray her trust by allowing the darkness she had sacrificed so much to defeat win. The King of Greenwood spent his days alone from that time and everybody knew that his heart forever was occupied.

Legolas was almost come of age when he one evening sat with his father in the garden practicing his quenya, he remembered his mother but only faintly but he always got a feeling of deep love and comfort when he thought of her. Thranduil had a portrait of himself and his queen hanging in his office and it showed them as they had been in their happy years. Legolas would stare at it almost every day and he knew that his father missed her terribly but he also knew why she had left them. Thranduil was closing a book to open another one when Legolas asked the question. "Ada, how did you and naneth meet?"

Thranduil sighed and his eyes got distant, he sent his son a smile filled with bittersweet joy and allowed the memories to reemerge once more. "That my son is a tale of how I once met and got conquered by a she dragon and how she saved my soul. "

Legolas cocked his head. "Please tell me."

Thranduil went over and sat down next to his son, embraced him, and then he told Legolas the entire story of Vanima and himself, of the war and the darkness and the joy they had shared and Legolas saw the tears in his father's eyes and knew that he one day would meet her again, that they one day once more would be a family. But before that was to happen much would change and the world would change too. Vanima would indeed be proud of the things her son and husband accomplished and they kept her memory alive until they all were gathered by the white shores of the undying land.


End file.
